Dag 62: De grens tussen droom en werkelijkheid
(I only realised when I was halfway done that I was supposed to write in Dutch, so - sorry about that! Lol.)
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to wake up in one breath when I see someone is trying to wake me - where I use the excuse/justification of 'I'm still waking up' as to why it's okay to indulge in my mind and participate in thoughts, interpretations and projections.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame sleepiness and drowsiness for not being aware and not being here, fully present and able to interact with my environment effectively.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beieve that there are moments where I am simply unable to be self-responsible because of my state of being or state of mind - instead of seeing/realising/understanding that I am responsible for this very state of being/state of mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be able to have moments during my day or my life where I can just say 'fuck it' - I don't have to direct myself or be responsible right now - I can just throw everything out of the window - and I get to entertain myself in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse/justification that 'I couldn't tell the difference between dream and reality as I was just waking up' - when in actual fact, there is a slight awareness where I can tell that someone is trying to wake me up - and thus, that it's time for me to take a nice deep breath and stand up from within my dream-state and into my physical body, so that I can participate in physical reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to knowledge and information that I was presented with/that I studied the previous day - instead of letting it go at night/in the evening before going to bed - so that my mind doesn't have tons of random strings of information that it can entertain itself with - conjuring up conspiracies where there aren't any and where I actually feel like an injustice is being done unto me - all because I interpreted reality through knowledge and information.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to store random pieces of knowledge and information without giving it any direction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing spitefulness to exist within and as myself and to participate within and as it, in moments where - in spite of seeing for a split second what is happening in someone trying to wake me up - that I deliberately choose to try to go back into my dream and then, mix my dream and reality to not have to be awake, and thus, to not have to be responsible.