Sunday, November 25, 2012

Day 74: Con or Be Conned - The Social Law of Human Behaviour?

This blog is a continuation to
Day 72: My Body, My Battlefield,
Day 73: Afraid of Petrification


Specific points of fear I identified in relation to watching an episode of 'Curiosity' on what happens on a cellular level when a virus attacks the human body:

1. A secret intruder/a lurking evil
2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells
3. The complete take-over of a cell, where 'who the cell originally was' becomes non-existent and becomes an incubator for little virus babies
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction
6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction

2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear to seeing how the virus deceives and cons the cells of the human body to its own advantage.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear deception in others out of fear of being placed in a position of disadvantage and inferiority.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that one of my first experiences of deception was in friendships - where I would expect a friend to stand by me, but didn't - or when a friend made a comment about me that I found to be mean/nasty - and my experience within those moments that I experienced as 'deceit', I would experience myself as powerless, betrayed, hurt, inferior, lied to, sad, ashamed, embarrassed, self-conscious and diminished.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to be conned/deceived by others out of fear of feeling powerless, betrayed, hurt, inferior, lied to, sad, ashamed, embarrased, self-conscious and diminished.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that the reason I fear to be deceived or conned by another is only out of fear of how I would experience myself after finding out that I have been deceived - as experiencing powerless, betrayed, hurt, inferior, lied to, sad, ashamed, embarrassed, self-conscious and diminised.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in continuous distrust of others because the possibility always exists that someone deceives/cons me - and therefore, always be 'on guard' and as though wearing an imaginative armour, where I suppress everything within myself out of fear of my own experience in case I were to be conned/deceived - so that I would apparently not be 'touched' or 'affected' by it - when actually, I am, but just suppress the experience - both to not feel it as well as to not show the other I am feeling it, because I feel/believe that if the other knows, it will make my experience ten times worse, as though I am giving the conner/deceiver what he/she wants.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that the reason why I know that I can be conned/deceived at any moment, is because I do this myself as well - where I will con/deceive others to see me in a particular way or con/deceive myself into not having to face myself or take responsibilities - even conning and deceiving in ways that I am not aware of it - the ULTIMATE CON - lol - and thus, that the only way to stop the continuous mutual fear that exists among beings in relation to each other - is to stop the deceptive nature within myself - to stop the chain reaction and feedback loop of 'con or be conned' - and stand as the point of change that can have a domino-effect on those around me by standing as an example of self-trust and thus, in turn, if each one develops their own self-trust, we may learn to trust each other.

To be continued.

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