Day 72: My Body, My Battlefield,
Day 73: Afraid of Petrification,
Day 74: Con or Be Conned - The Social Law of Human Behaviour?,
Day 76: The Mind as a Parasite Virus
Specific points of fear I identified in relation to watching an episode of 'Curiosity' on what happens on a cellular level when a virus attacks the human body:
1. A secret intruder/a lurking evil
2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells
3. The complete take-over of a cell, where 'who the cell originally was' becomes non-existent and becomes an incubator for little virus babies
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction
6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear towards seeing how a virus manipulates what I perceive as 'innocent' proteins to do its bidding.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question how the protein on some level is allowing the manipulation and simply acting according to certain impulses and 'if this then that' equations, without fully considering the totality of its actions and the implications of its actions, but accepting and allowing itself to be but a little robot, subject to impulses from its environment.
I forgive myself for not acceptng and allowing myself to see and realise that my proteins and any entities within my body can never be anything more than a robot acting upon impulses with no directive will of their own, if this is who I am - and therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and have become nothing more than a robot that has no awareness of who it is and how its actions impact on its environment and even on itself, where its actions are determined by impulses from the enviroment and how the robot has been taught/taught itself to interpret the information from the impulses, after which the actions are merely a result from 'if this then that' equations.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that within not being a self-directive being in being able to determine one's actions in consideration of what is best for all, I am abdicating my power to other beings or entities to take advantage of the spaces within myself wherein I am not directing myself in full awareness in every moment - and thus, giving them permission to become the directive principle within myself, my life and my world - and thus, if I am being taken advantage of I am merely facing my own creation as the consequence for not standing equal and one to absolute responsibility within all areas and aspects of life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I am unable to take absolute responsibility within all areas and aspects of life and that I am just too limited, just one little human - within this imposing absolute limitation unto myself, trying to affirm and re-affirm that all I can be is a tiny insignificant piece of consciousness that just plays its role as a character in this world - all, with the hidden agenda of not having to take responsibility - because if I claim that I am unable to, I am apparently absolved of any form of responsibility, accountability and duty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for the protein being manipulated, as though it is an innocent victim of a crime against its free will - when, in fact, the manipulation itself taking place shows that the protein has no free will to begin with and thus, the virus merely acted within the freedom that it was given through the protein's acceptance and allowance as what the protein didn't for himself direct and take responsibility for.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that as long as manipulation exists, that it is proven that free will does not exist in this world.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that it is impossible to speak of free will, if I am not even aware of every cell and entity living within, forming part of and sustaining my human physical body - as anything I would 'will' in such a context, would come from a place of limitation and thus, cannot be free.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself and my body in relation the picture of what my body looks like on the outside as the outside form/shape/colours that I perceive with my eyes or in a reflection in the mirror - instead of seeing, realising and understanding that my body is an entire universe, comprised of cells that are an entire universe each by themselves - and thus that I have never really known, understood, realised or acknowledged my human physical body for what it is, how it functions and how it exists - but have totally taken it for granted and merely lashed out on it whenever I was not satisfied with the picture, not realising that anything I see or feel within my human physical body is a consequence of my being a corrupt God of various physical universes, where I have enslaved my body to my mind, where any regard for life has been banned and thus, the universe and everything it comprises of is suffering, because its God has made a deal with the Devil.