Monday, January 21, 2013

Day 95: Riding on the Wave of Others' Change


This blog is a continuation to:
Dag 94: Spontaneity vs. Impulsiveness - What does it Mean to Live in the Moment?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live through others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give others the responsibility of making my life interesting and successful through me living through others' actions, experiences, endeavours and accomplishments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an experience of hope when I would see others jumping into the deep end as they took on a particular project or endeavour - like, submerging themselves within it entirely and completely - because I believed that this is something that was impossible, believing it was impossible because I was afraid of losing myself, of losing control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always hold myself back and never allow myself to pursue a point entirely and completely out of fear of losing myself and out of fear of losing control.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to lose myself, instead of realising that i am me and therefore, how can I ever lose myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to lose control, instead of realising that control is a Con and turns me into a Troll - because instead of supporting the expression and flow of life, I would only support suppression, constriction and limitation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disappointed when I see another person give up on the point they were just so enthusiastic and passionate about.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up expectations about what MY Life will be like if the other person pursues a particular point to completion and how I will be able to just benefit off of their efforts - and therefore, become disappointed when they would give up pursuing the point, because that means all my expectations would no tbe fulfilled and my life would not change in any significant way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect others to fix my life or make my life more exciting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect others to carry me through the necessary changes to be made in my life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be willing to 'put myself out there' and test the point of change for myself - but wait for others to first explore it and only once I think/believe it is safe, to implement the change in my own life.

I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself to immediately react in fear when faced with a point of change - whether it is a small or a big change - because I think/believe that everything that is in place at the moment works and is safe - and therefore, think/believe that if something were to change, that things may become more difficult or may involve more of some kind of perceived danger.


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