AGREEMENTS – What did you Agree on?

When starting an agreement with someone, understand that it is important to specify what it is that your agreement consists of – meaning: the term ‘agreement’ stems from the fact that two beings are agreeing on something. So, when you enter an agreement with someone, specify, out-loud or on paper what it is that you are both agreeing on – and obviously make sure that both are clear on the points and that both agree!

To simply say ‘we are in an agreement’ without having actually explicitly agreed on anything, leaves a gaping door open to fall into relationship-patterns.

Remember that relationships are actually also agreements. Though, the agreement that exists between two beings in a relationship is a ‘silent’/’hidden’ agreement – whereby both partners agree to support each others’ dishonesties, to accept any crap of each other in the name of the relationship, to try and make each other ‘feel good’ and that if someone doesn’t ‘feel good’ in the relationship, the relationship ends, and so on and so forth.

Why do I say that if you don’t specify what you agree on when entering an agreement, you're opening a door to fall into relationship-patterns? Because we’ve never done agreements before. All we’ve ever known, all we’ve ever participated in, is relationships. This practically means that when you enter an agreement – you have no idea what’s waiting for you, you have no idea what’s going to happen, how you will be, how the other will be, what your experience within it will be, what you will discover, etc. Now, when we face a point of the ‘unknown’, what the mind does, is take information from the past and use that as a basis from which to act. And because – from the mind’s perspective – relationships are the closes thing you can find to agreements, you’ll use your experience of relationships as a guideline to act within your agreement – whether on a conscious, subconscious or unconscious level.

Therefore – when you enter an agreement, make sure that you script your own guideline to fall back on. That is what ‘the agreement’ is – it is a principle you both agree to stand by and commit yourself to – and within that, it is your guideline that you will fall back on, in moments where you experience doubts in relation to what to do, how to be, how to assist the other being, what to express, etc. So that, instead of ‘grabbing back’ to past relationship experiences to ‘tell you what to do’ – you’ll be able to assess the situation you’re in and see how you’re able to apply your agreement within this particular situation.

Now – understand that your verbal agreement is your guideline and it will assist you within sticking to the principles, instead of following past relationship-patterns. However, it is not a guarantee. I’d say: I would be surprised if anyone enters an agreement and never falls into relationship patterns. Why? Because that is one of the major points you face in agreements: your relationship-patterns – they WILL come up. They actually have to – otherwise, how are you going to face them?

Therefore, don’t try and ‘fight’ that point as in trying to prevent it from happening, having you become all ‘stiffened up’ inside because of fear of making a mistake and ‘fucking things up’ and ‘being dishonest’. You probably will at some point say: Fuck! what are we doing? We’ve manifested a relationship here, we’ve created relationship connections and definitions where we’ve defined parts of ourselves within each other and we’re playing out past relationship patterns!

When that happens – breathe – then remember your agreement, your explicit, verbal agreement and see how you’re able to apply it within this particular situation.

See – when I came at this point: I freaked. I realised I had manifested a relationship and I decided to therefore end the agreement. Because – from my perspective it was not an agreement anymore, it was a relationship – therefore it was not valid, therefore it had to end.

So – I went through the break-up/withdrawal experience and did my self-forgiveness. All this time, LJ – my agreement-partner – kept doing what he’d always do: he’d check on me, we’d talk, he gave suggestions, etc. So – after a while, once I had cleared myself of the emotional turmoil and the relationship-connection, I looked at the situation again, and I saw that – in terms of how we were participating with each other, it was the same as before I had created the whole relationship-connection. So – I then realised that I hadn’t ended the agreement, I had ended the relationship. Because – in terms of what we had agreed upon, we were both still committed to the same points and LJ had throughout this experience, applied exactly what he had agreed to do when we entered the agreement.

So – when you realise that you’ve manifested a relationship or that you’re playing out relationship-patterns – stop, breathe – don’t assume that you now have to ‘break-up’ and ‘end the agreement’. (‘End the agreement’ – interesting, I’ll get to that later.) Instead – when you see you've manifested a relationship construct – face it. Do your forgiveness, discuss everything with each other in specificity, clear yourself of the construct, apply the corrections and walk from there.

To ‘end the agreement’, in essence, is impossible. If your agreement was made from the starting point of self-honesty within both partners – then that agreement stands, no matter what. It is done. So – when you’ve for a moment ‘lost yourself’ within a point of self-dishonesty and separation – remind yourself of your initial agreement – because that is your point of self-honesty. Therefore, it is the key to ‘bringing yourself back’ to that point of self-honesty within yourself.

If you come to a point within your agreement where you end up actually splitting up and ‘ending the agreement’ – then that means that your initial, explicit agreement – from at least one of the partners – was not self-honest. If an agreement ends, it was a deception from the start.

So – that’s why I suggest that when you enter an agreement, you take a moment to verbally speak out or write out what it is that you’re agreeing on, that you make sure both parties are clear on all points and that you’re both self-honest within the starting point of entering the agreement. If those points are applied, then everything else… – well, I wouldn’t say that things get ‘easier’ – you still have to face yourself – though, within the midst of the storm, you’ll have an anchor that’ll keep you from drifting off too far.

17 comments:

  1. Cool this is Agreement 101 stuff lol

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  2. Awesome Maite - I walked through this exact same point of letting go of the relationship so that I can actually stand in Agreement with Cameron.

    Thanks for sharing.

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  3. very interesting and supportive, thanks Maite.

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  4. Maite! I related to this greatly, as Joe and I experienced a very similar point, and I 'thought' I had to end the agreement because we had 'fallen' into a relationship, but we both realized that what had to end was the relationship, because the agreement will ALWAYS stand when built on solid principles that are indeed unshakable in any storm!

    thanks a lot!

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  5. Maite - it is always a pleasure to read your blog posts.

    Thank you.

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  6. lol - I agree with Leila - thanks for the lesson :)

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  7. Very supportive and cool reading thanks.

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  8. I just stumbled upon this and drove some points right into clarity. Thanks for the share!

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