Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Day 96: I'm Responsible for My Experiences

This blogpost is a continuation to:
Day 95: Riding on the Wave of Others' Change
Dag 94: Spontaneity vs. Impulsiveness - What does it Mean to Live in the Moment?


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others when I experience disappointment, projecting the cause of the disappointment unto them, when actually i am the cause as I came from an experience of 'hope' as the positive polarity, which eventually had to end in a negative polarity of disappointment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, within blaming others for my experience of disappointment for leaving a point unfinished of which I expected/hoped that it would possibly change my life in an exciting/sensational way, go into an experience of anger towards them and experience the emotion of betrayal, as though the other betrayed me - as though they had promised me something and broke their promise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when I create expectations or assumptions about what others will do or how others will behave, in a way of which I hope/expect to receive some sort of benefit - also create the idea/perception/belief that the other has made a promise to me, when none of it is actually real, but all conjured up in my mind through interpretation of what it is that I want to see things as, that would 'make me happy'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when and as I see others leave a point unfinished of which I wanted them to keep pursuing it, think "you made it look like you were going to stick with this point all the way and now you didn't" in an attempt to justify my anger and blame towards the other.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realise that the anger has nothing to do with them, but that I am merely experiencing my anger towards myself for not taking responsibility for my own life and taking my own initiative and pursuing it - facing and walking through my fears to move myself and make my own wave of change, instead of riding on others'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my self-experience on how others are experiencing themselves, like when they are excited, I will become excited as well - and when they stop being excited, I stop being excited as well - and then blame the other for me not being excited -when all the while, I'm the one who separated myself from self-enjoyment through defining it in an energetic experience of excitement, which in essence is an experience of hope.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from enjoyment through defining enjoyment in an energetic experience of excitement and hope - and thus, for making others responsible for my enjoyment, instead of realising that enjoyment is self-enjoyment and is not dependent on energy or others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have developed a resentment towards impulsiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bring up past experiences of anger, resentment, betrayal, anger, blame and disappointment whenever I see someone dive into a new point, where I see/think that they are being impulsive/making an impulsive commitment, on a whim and will not stick to it - therefore, going into a future projection, based on the past, thinking/believing I know the outcome before it has happened.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become resentful towards beings who make decisions in a moment, equating a decision made in the moment to an impulsive decision and equating an impulsive decision to a decision that one does not remain committed to, but jumps into and then leaves unfinished.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to equate a decision made in the moment to an impulsive decision and to a decision that one does not remain committed to, but jumps into and then leaves unfinished -therefore, resisting making decisions in the moment, because I, basically, don't trust myself to see it through, but already expect myself to fail beforehand.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself when making a decision in the moment in clarity, but, instead, impose unto such decisions my experiences I have had in the past of when I made decisions or saw others make decisions in energy, where, as soon as the energy runs out or changes polarity,t he commitment stops and the decision is 'broken'.

To be continued.

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