Friday, January 11, 2013

Day 93: How to Make a Self-Honest Decision?

I've had several people asking how to make a self-honest decision - like, how can they be sure that the decision they make is self-honest. See - the tendency exists to try to make decisions in one's mind, where reasons for one or the other way are floating around in one's mind and one cannot really see clearly. The mind will continuously jump from one side to the other, from one reason to the other, creating confusion, doubt and fear.

The method I use, especially with decisions that involve a lot of fear - where the mind perceives it has a lot to lose if one goes for 'Door 1' or 'Door 2' - to make the decision-making process a practical one. Practical - meaning: to not try/attempt to make a decision in one's mind - because herein one will never see where one is self-honest and where one is not. Therefore - here is a suggested method:

To take a piece of paper and make two columns. Let's say the decision pertains to moving in with someone or staying to live by oneself. A decision has to be made between:

Option 1: Moving in with X
Option 2: Living by myself

Once you have established what options are involved in your decision - you write at the top of the first column 'Moving in with X' - or whatever your first option is - and 'Living by myself' - or whatever your second option is - at the top of the second column. Then strike a horizontal line underneath those words, accross both columns.

Then - under the horizontal line, in column one - you list all the reasons that come to mind of why you would go for Option 1 - or in our example: why you would Move in with X. This can be for instance:

- I'll have more fun living with another person
- I need someone to help me financially
- I deserve to have the experience of having a roommate
- Then I don't have to miss X when I'm home
- etc.

Once you've listed all the reasons that come to mind in relation to Moving in with X (or your Option 1), do the same for Option 2.

IMPORTANT: Within Identifying the reasons that come to mind in relation to Option 1 or Option 2 - be Absolutely Self-Honest. Meaning: Don't leave anything out - even if it only pops up for a tiny second and then you go 'nah, that's not really a reason' - go back - and add the reason in. The fact that it came up means that on some level it does influence and impact your decision-making process.

Once you have listed all your reasons for either Moving in with X or staying ot live by yourself, take one reason at a time and unconditionally apply Self-Forgiveness on any point of self-dishonesty that you can identify within that particular reason for either chosing for Option 1 or Option 2. Once you have cleared the first reason of all Self-Dishonesty (after which you may or may not have debunked the reason altogether), you repeat the same process of self-forgiveness with every other reason on your piece of paper.

After your self-forgiveness, you'll find that most of the reasons you wrote down on your piece of paper were not actually self-honest reasons but were merely justifications used to try and convince yourself that either Option 1 or Option 2 is the right thing to do. So - after your self-forgiveness, you'll be able to identify which reasons are valid considerations and which are not. If you're lucky, you'll only have one valid reason - which makes your decision-making easy, because then you simply look at which column the reason is in and you see which option would be self-honest. If you have several options to consider, you can now do so without the other reasons floating around in the background, which 'clog' your view and make it difficult to see the trees through the forest.

Enhanced by Zemanta