Day 36: Join JESUS on The CROSS -What?! WHY?!?

This blog is a continuation of:
Day 30: Goodness as Positivity,
Day 31: You're My HERO!!!
Day 32: Consistency and
Day 33: Wanting to be the Star Pupil 
Day 34: Make a Happy Family 
Day 35:Don't Act like Lady Gaga - Act like a Real Lady!

- continuing to purify the word 'Good'.

In my mind, I have connected the word 'good' to:

Self-Sacrifice

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘good’ within and as sacrificing oneself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I sacrifice myself for others, that it means that I am a good person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I must be like Jesus and sacrifice myself so that others don’t have to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply accept the idea that people who sacrifice themselves so others don’t have to suffer are noble heroes that should be applauded for their goodness and selflessness.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise and understand that self-sacrifice is just another form of self-sabotage and doesn’t really bring any actual solutions.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that in sacrificing myself so others don’t have to suffer, I am allowing myself to carry other people’s burdens – burdens that they have created themselves and are for them to face – where I will then carry everyone else’s burden so that others may be relieved within the idea and belief that: “It is better that just one person suffers a lot than that many people suffer a little.”

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realise that playing the self-sacrifice character is just another way to get into someone’s good graces – thinking that: “if I do this for that person, that person will like me – or at least feel grateful or guilty and feel like he/she has to now repay me by doing me a favour or by being my friend.”

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realise that self-sacrifice is actually done from the starting point of self-interest – so that other people will see me as ‘good’ and then, I can feel good about myself – and/or, so that it is easier to get people to do things for me, because good people deserve to get what they want – and more.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realise that the self-sacrifice character is one of the most manipulative and disgraceful characters of all – because in apparently being absolutely innocent and selfless – the reasoning behind self-sacrificing acts is always within self-interest and never has anything to do with actually assisting other beings.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that in doing things for someone else, I am not actually assisting or supporting them in any way whatsoever – I am doing them a disservice, because if they had done the point/walked the point for themselves, they might have realised something or expanded themselves in some way – and thus, in sacrificing myself I am actually only taking opportunities away from others for self-growth, self-honesty and self-correction – just so I can feel good about myself – supporting their resistance instead of who they are as life as who they are able and capable of being.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that in sacrificing myself I am actually only supporting another’s self-limitation – and thus, accepting that self-limitation within myself as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to say ‘no’ when the point of self-sacrifice comes up because I fear that it is a bad thing not to want to sacrifice myself for others – and that, Jesus did it, therefore I shouldn’t have a problem with it either.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to say ‘no’ when the point of self-sacrifice comes up, because I don’t want others do dislike me for not having taken their burdens.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to buy people’s friendships with ‘apparent acts of kindness’ – and believe it to be normal and okay.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that every single friendship has always been based within manipulation of getting another person to like me vice versa.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within trying to get to know a person – think that I have to be friends with them, and thus, that they have to ‘approve’ me as their friend – and therefore, try to ‘score points’ with them in who/how I am towards them so that they will like me and approve me as a member of their friendsclub – instead of just being here and spending time with the person without assuming I need their permission to be in their presence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I cannot just be with people, but that they must give me some kind of permission for me to be around them/speak with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always place myself in an inferior position to someone that seems interesting/someone I think I might enjoy spending time with – and therefore, wait to be ‘invited’ into their space, instead of realising and accepting myself as equal as this person and simply being here and sharing my hereness with this other person.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always wait for permission to speak when I am among ‘strangers’ or people I don’t know well – because I feel like my presence might be unwanted and therefore, I rather just sit in the background, unnoticed, while still being able to hear everything that’s being said, than say something that is not ‘well-received’ and then people realising I am there and thinking they’d prefer I wasn’t.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realise that self-sacrifice is basically self-compromise, where I will compromise myself to make another feel better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self-compromise to exist within and as me – instead of seeing and realising that self-compromise is never a solution to anything and therefore, unacceptable as it creates unnecessary harm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself in the name of friendships – because I thought and believed that without friends I was nobody in any case – therefore, sacrificing myself for friends makes sense – because friends will make me ‘count’, will make me ‘be someone’, will validate me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realise that if I sacrifice myself, there is nothing left to be validated in the first place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from others and from validation, by looking for validation within others and defining validation in separation for myself as ‘something others must give me’ – instead of simply validating myself as being here – I am here – therefore, I exist, therefore I don’t need anyone else to ‘make me into someone’.