Day 43: A Picture I used to Draw

This blog is a continuation of:

Day 30: Goodness as Positivity,
Day 31: You're My HERO!!!
Day 32: Consistency and
Day 33: Wanting to be the Star Pupil 
Day 34: Make a Happy Family 
Day 35:Don't Act like Lady Gaga - Act like a Real Lady!
Day 36: Join JESUS on The CROSS -What?! WHY?!? Day 37: The Secret to a Successful Life!
Day 37: Be Good, Little Human
Day 38: Richness, Compliments and Validation

Day 40: The Parable of the Talents

Day 41: God Collects his Debt

Day 42: Jesus Died for Your Sins

- continuing to purify the word 'Good'.

In my mind, I connect the word 'good' to:

A picture of willow, lake, swan that I was ‘good’ at drawing

As a child I would always draw the same picture of a swan in a lake, with reeds around it, a willow above it, a sun, clouds and birds in the sky. It was a picture I thought I was good at and I was always content with myself after drawing it. Looking at it now, I kept drawing the same picture, because it was a ‘safe’ picture to draw – because I already knew it would turn out good and I would be happy with myself. I knew exactly how I would draw it, even in what order; it would always be the same order. So – it was a matter of feeling safe in knowing what was going to happen, what was going to come next and knowing what the exact result would be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘good’ to and define the word ‘good’ within and as a picture of a swan, a willow, a lake with reeds around it, clouds, a sun and birds in the sky as a picture that I would keep on drawing as a child, of which I thought that I was ‘good’ at it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘good’ to and define the word ‘good’ within and as having skills and using skills towards completing a certain task or project of which people afterwards say that it was a ‘good job’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘good’ to and define the word ‘good’ within and as the memory of myself as a child drawing a picture of first a swan, then a lake, then the reed, then the willow, then the sun, then the clouds and then the birds in the sky and the memory of feeling proud of myself and feeling good about myself afterwards.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘good’ to and define the word ‘good’ within and as feeling safe within knowing what’s to come and knowing that the result will be okay and that I will be okay with myself in seeing the result.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the unknown to fear and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress fear through ‘goodness’ and ‘good feelings’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘good’ within and as being in control or feeling in control through knowing what will come next.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always play safe out of fear of failure, out of fear of negativity, out of fear of emotions, out of fear of more fear, out of fear of punishment, out of fear of anger, out of fear of pain, out of fear of disappointment, out of fear of shame, out of fear of guilt, out of fear of embarrassment, out of fear of regret.