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Day 80: Taking Responsibility for my Fears

This is a continuation to
Day 72: My Body, My Battlefield,
Day 73: Afraid of Petrification,

Day 74: Con or Be Conned - The Social Law of Human Behaviour?,
Day 76: The Mind as a Parasite Virus,
Day 77: When God Makes a Pact with the Devil Day 78: The Good Guys versus the Bad Guys

When and as I see myself reacting in fear due to projecting within my mind a scenery or situation in which I am experiencing petrification - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I am experiencing fear, not because I actually fear that which I am projecting within my mind as the scenery/situation, where in essence the fear has got nothing to do with the scenery/situation, but that I am through the projection, bringing the experience of petrification that I project/imagine I would have in such a scenery/situation 'here' - and thus, I create the perception/idea/belief that my fear stands in relation to something else, when actually, I have merely superimposed my imagined/projected fear unto the here/now moment, and thus - creating an experience of fear. And thus, I commit myself to, in such a moment where when and as I see myself reacting in fear due to superimposing an imagined experience of petrification on the present moment, let go of the fear, stabilise myself through breathing and proceed in common sense.

When and as I see myself going into a fear of being conned or deceived - I stop, I breathe - I realise that we have played the game of 'con or be conned' for far too long and that participating within this fear will inevitably lead to deception from my part in order to 'protect' me from being conned - and therefore, I commit myself to let go of the fear, stabilise myself within my body in breath, embrace myself in self-trust and proceed with common sense.

When and as I see myself going into fear due to feeling that 'who I am' as all the judgments, perceptions, beliefs, opinions, thoughts, feelings, emotions, definitions, fears, perceptions in and of my mind is in some way being challenged and therefore, tend to go into a defensive/protective mode - I stop, I breathe - I realise that all the judgments, perceptions, beliefs, opinions, thougths, feelings, emotions, definitions, fears, perceptions in and of my mind are nothing but foreign entities that i have imposed upon myself as well as my physical body and thus, are not who I am and do not require my protection, but instead my scrutiny - and thus, I commit myself let go of the fear as well as whatever judgement, perception, belief, opinion, thought, feeling, emotion, definition, fear or perception that was being challenged - as it is only a figment of my imagination through the mind and not real.

When and as I see myself going into a fear of being taken over and losing control - I stop, I breathe - I realise that within and as the fear, I am actually giving my power away to that which I perceive is attempting to take over and control me, and within that - I am in fact giving that something/someone the permission to take over as, within the fear, I am stating that I am 'in fear' = inferior - and thus, unable to stop their attempt to take over/control me - and thus, I commit myself to place the something/someone that I see as a threat that is attempting to take me over/control me within and as me and embrace myself as equal and one as that something/someone - herein diffusing any ideas or perceptions of inferiority/superiority and thus, placing myself in a position where I am able to direct myself and determine and express what I accept and allow and what I don't accept and allow.

When and as I see myself victimising myself - I stop, I breathe - I realise that nothing can ever really be done unto me and that any harm something or someone else inflicts on me is only me self-created consequences as I left a space within myself or my life where I was not the directive principle and self-honesty, and thus gave the outside something/someone the permission and freedom to become the directive principle in my stead - and thus, I commit myself to let go of the victimisation and instead empower myself through taking responsibility by investigating the points I have missed/left undirected and becoming the directive principle within them.

When and as I see myself going into fear of vulnerability, fear of being fragile, fear of pain or fear of death - I stop, I breathe - I realise that the physical reality of being vulnerable, being fragile, possibly experiencing pain and certainly experiencing death sooner or later - are things that are currently inevitable and to which I can make no immediate difference - and thus, I commit myself to let go of the fear as the fear will not magically change the physical reality of vulnerability, fragility, pain and death - and thus, instead, I embrace the reality of vulnerability, fragility, possible pain and certain death, making peace with it and proceeding in self-silence.

When and as I see myself categorising people in the categories of 'good guys' and 'bad guys' - I stop, I breathe - I realise I am seeing people/he world in black and white as how I taught myself to see people/the world through watching cartoons in which some people are always entirely/purely good and some people are always entirely/purely evil - and thus, I stop myself from labeling people and seeing the world/people in black and white, and instead - place them within and as me, embracing them as me within the realisation that every human being is equally evil within accepting and allowing the exact same self-dishonesties to exist within them, which always include some form of harm and disregard to life - and that the only difference is that with some beings some types of dishonesties are more prominent and more obvious than with others and that some are able to hide and disguise their deceptions more easily - but that, in essence, everyone is the same - equal and one.
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Day 78: The Good Guys versus the Bad Guys

This blog is a continuation to
Day 72: My Body, My Battlefield,
Day 73: Afraid of Petrification,

Day 74: Con or Be Conned - The Social Law of Human Behaviour?,
Day 76: The Mind as a Parasite Virus,
Day 77: When God Makes a Pact with the Devil

Specific points of fear I identified in relation to watching an episode of 'Curiosity' on what happens on a cellular level when a virus attacks the human body:

1. A secret intruder/a lurking evil
2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells
3. The complete take-over of a cell, where 'who the cell originally was' becomes non-existent and becomes an incubator for little virus babies
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction
6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction

5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear when and as I see the entities that make up the human immune system instantly destroy a virus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear due to the realisation that with every lifeform there is another lifeform that is able to crush/destroy the first lifeform in a matter of seconds.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reactin fear due to the realisatio that I can be destroyed/crushed in a matter of seconds and that physical strength is a relative term - where, even if I perceive my human physical body to be quite a strong organism - there are conditions under which it will die almost instantly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear vulnerability and fragility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear vulnerability and fragility as I connect both words with the experience of pain - where, if I feel vulnerable or fragile, I immediately expect the possibility of pain, and within that expectation and possibility, immediately bring the experience of pain here - and thus - give myself a feedback system of 'vulnerable' or 'fragile' equals pain - teaching myself that vulnerability and fragility are two things that need to be avoided - instead of realising that they are physical facts that I can currently not change - and thus, since I am aware of the vulnerability and fragility and that I can do nothing about it, I might as well embrace it - as there is no practical value in being in fear of getting hurt because of feeling vulnerable or fragile - it's not going to make any difference to my physical state in terms of suddenly becoming stronger or less fragile.

6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear when I saw a virus carrying out each action as a step within a thought-out plan with the singular goal of destroying the human physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear beings with a singlemindedness of having one singular goal of causing destruction or doing harm.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I programmed this fear within myself through watching cartoons and movies as a child - where the 'bad guy' always had such a mind-set with the only goal of being 'evil' and where every action was always carefully planned and thought-out to serve in his/her masterplan of inflicting harm unto others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to categorise people into 'good guys' and 'bad guys' - where the 'good guys' always have 'good intentions' and the 'bad guys' only have bad intentions - and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a positive, hopeful, excited and comforting feeling to someone I have categorised as a 'good guy' and connect an experience of fear and resistance to someone I have categorised as a bad guy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and see the world/people in black and white as how human beings were presented in cartoons and movies when I was a child - as either being 'good' or being 'evil' - instead of seeing/realising that every kind of deception exists in every single person - where with some beings some types are more prominent and more obvious than with others and where some can for instance hide any deception exceptionally well - yet, in essence each one is equally evil as each one participates in the same self-dishonesties that always include some form of harm and disregard to life.
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Day 77: When God Makes a Pact with the Devil

This blog is a continuation to
Day 72: My Body, My Battlefield,
Day 73: Afraid of Petrification,

Day 74: Con or Be Conned - The Social Law of Human Behaviour?,
Day 76: The Mind as a Parasite Virus
 
Specific points of fear I identified in relation to watching an episode of 'Curiosity' on what happens on a cellular level when a virus attacks the human body:

1. A secret intruder/a lurking evil
2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells
3. The complete take-over of a cell, where 'who the cell originally was' becomes non-existent and becomes an incubator for little virus babies
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction
6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction

4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear towards seeing how a virus manipulates what I perceive as 'innocent' proteins to do its bidding.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question how the protein on some level is allowing the manipulation and simply acting according to certain impulses and 'if this then that' equations, without fully considering the totality of its actions and the implications of its actions, but accepting and allowing itself to be but a little robot, subject to impulses from its environment.

I forgive myself for not acceptng and allowing myself to see and realise that my proteins and any entities within my body can never be anything more than a robot acting upon impulses with no directive will of their own, if this is who I am - and therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and have become nothing more than a robot that has no awareness of who it is and how its actions impact on its environment and even on itself, where its actions are determined by impulses from the enviroment and how the robot has been taught/taught itself to interpret the information from the impulses, after which the actions are merely a result from 'if this then that' equations.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that within not being a self-directive being in being able to determine one's actions in consideration of what is best for all, I am abdicating my power to other beings or entities to take advantage of the spaces within myself wherein I am not directing myself in full awareness in every moment - and thus, giving them permission to become the directive principle within myself, my life and my world - and thus, if I am being taken advantage of I am merely facing my own creation as the consequence for not standing equal and one to absolute responsibility within all areas and aspects of life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I am unable to take absolute responsibility within all areas and aspects of life and that I am just too limited, just one little human - within this imposing absolute limitation unto myself, trying to affirm and re-affirm that all I can be is a tiny insignificant piece of consciousness that just plays its role as a character in this world - all, with the hidden agenda of not having to take responsibility - because if I claim that I am unable to, I am apparently absolved of any form of responsibility, accountability and duty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for the protein being manipulated, as though it is an innocent victim of a crime against its free will - when, in fact, the manipulation itself taking place shows that the protein has no free will to begin with and thus, the virus merely acted within the freedom that it was given through the protein's acceptance and allowance as what the protein didn't for himself direct and take responsibility for.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that as long as manipulation exists, that it is proven that free will does not exist in this world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that it is impossible to speak of free will, if I am not even aware of every cell and entity living within, forming part of and sustaining my human physical body - as anything I would 'will' in such a context, would come from a place of limitation and thus, cannot be free.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself and my body in relation the picture of what my body looks like on the outside as the outside form/shape/colours that I perceive with my eyes or in a reflection in the mirror - instead of seeing, realising and understanding that my body is an entire universe, comprised of cells that are an entire universe each by themselves - and thus that I have never really known, understood, realised or acknowledged my human physical body for what it is, how it functions and how it exists - but have totally taken it for granted and merely lashed out on it whenever I was not satisfied with the picture, not realising that anything I see or feel within my human physical body is a consequence of my being a corrupt God of various physical universes, where I have enslaved my body to my mind, where any regard for life has been banned and thus, the universe and everything it comprises of is suffering, because its God has made a deal with the Devil.
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Dag 73: Afraid of Petrification

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be completely unaware of my physical body as I have no clue and direct experience of all the activities and existence of all the proteins, vitamins, cells, viruses, etc. that exist and move within my body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my physical body to such an extent that I am completely 'locked out' of any direct experience and awareness of how my body operates on a cellular level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a bubble/space within my mind where I experience some form of 'self-awareness' in absolute limitation - and accept this limited form of 'self-awareness' to be sufficient and all there is to be aware of.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to develop awareness of my body through knowledge - not realising that knowledge is merely information in my mind and has nothing to do with direct seeing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is impossible to be aware of every cell of my human body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to confuse awareness with thoughts - thinking/believing that to be aware of each and every cell and each and every lifeform within each cell means that I would have millions of thoughts in relation to every cell and lifeform within my body - and then think that this would be too overwhelming and therefore, give up on expanding my self-awareness based on a thought.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear war breaking out from the moment I found out about wars in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - as soon as I imagined a war breaking out and me experiencing it - project an image of chaos, destruction, sceams, soldiers, gunfire, explosions and an experience of absolute petrification.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realise that I fear war because I connect war to fear/petrification and thus - I fear war because I fear fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear petrification and fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that someone may secretly intrude into my house or my room.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a lurking evil - because I imagine that the moment I become aware of the evil, I will react in intense fear/petrification - and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a lurking evil because I fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realise that I am afraid of my own experience.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that evil lurks within and as who I am in every single secret thought of dishonesty that dishonours life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a lurking evil amongst other lifeforms for as long as I am not 100% trustworthy to act in accordance to what is best for all in every single moment.

To be continued.
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Day 38: Be Good, Little Human


Day 37: The Secret to a Successful Life!

- continuing to purify the word 'Good'.

In my mind, I have connected the word 'good' to:

Christianity – Jesus – God – Heaven

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define ‘good’ within and as everything that is portrayed as ‘positive’ and ‘good’ within Christianity – such as Jesus, God and Heaven.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the answer to leading a proper life can be found within Christianity or religion in general – where I take in the words of others teaching about what it means to live a proper life and just accept it as truth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to go looking for answers in a ‘great book’ that apparently has the knowledge of ‘good and evil’ and from where I can learn what it means to live in a way that is appropriate – instead of just using my own common sense and testing the points out for myself.

Being healthy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘good’ and ‘being good’ within and as being healthy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that a person who is not healthy is a bad person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people, including myself, based on a person’s health.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define a good person as a person who is in perfect health; who is slim, who has nice skin, who has perfect hair, who looks radiant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that a person who has bad health has bad karma and that this person is suffering because he/she has done something wrong or bad in their life and therefore deserves to have health problems.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when I see someone who doesn’t meet the general ‘health standards’ think ‘ai, ai, ai – that person must have really fucked up to turn out so bad’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in karma and give the concept of karma value without ever investigating what karma is and whether it is something that really supports a being or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I’m a good person, God will reward me with good health – and thus, that if I’m ill or having health issues, that God is punishing me for being a bad person/having done something wrong.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself that the human physical body is here as a support in physically giving us feedback in terms of our relationship with ourselves and that it’s not about rewarding or punishing or even judging yourself as good or bad – but simply to be able to see where you are at and what points require attention/alignment within self.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that physical illness merely reflects mental illness – indicating that I am in some way participating in an ILLusion that is preventing me from living life in equality and oneness, and thus, that there exists a point where I am kidding myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the “I’m a healthy person” Character – trying to show off how I am paying attention to what I eat and how I treat my physical body so that others may think/perceive/believe me to be a good person.
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