Day 59: Living Life in Service of Guilt - Part 2
Day 55: Today I Broke Up with my Ex
Day 56: Letting Go of an Old Flame
Day 57: Doubting Myself after a Decision
Day 58: Living Life in Service of Guilt
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place guilt above myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing/ready to live my life in service of guilt where I would place myself in a position of self-compromise to satisfy another person because I feel/believe that I have to make things up to them for me to feel better about my past.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have guilt direct me and my life - where I place guilt above myself as a dictator - and in the name of guilt, suppress my self-honesty and self-integrity completely.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and be hard on myself for not having stood as the directive principle within this relationship-point - when I at that time did not have the tools to assist and support myself in what I was doing and how I was able to stand as this directive principle, or even understood what that meant.
When and as I see myself trusting a feeling/curiosity/desire/attraction instead of self-certainty - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I am trusting my mind over myself and that thus, in following these feelings/curiosities/desires/attractions I will end up in a situation of conflict and dilemma where I feel I am stuck, because the mind will always steer me to situations of conflict as it requires the energy that is generation through the friction in conflict to sustain itself - and thus, I commit myself to investigate the particular feelings, curiosities, desires and attractions in terms of what they are revealing to me about myself where I have separated aspects of me from myself by defining them/looking for them elsewhere - and I correct the points that are misaligned and direct myself in self-trust according to the self-certainty that is here.
When and as I see myself giving mixed signals to a person - where I allow them to remain in a certain point of delusion/illusion where I keep feeding this delusion/illusion through not speaking clearly where I stand and what I will accept and allow - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I am using another as a character in my play where I want to find out what it feels like to live out certain scenes/scenarios, and that I will eventually end up in a point of guilt and regret of what I had done in the name of self-interest - and thus, I commit myself to clearly communicate where I stand/what I will accept and allow so as to not feed any delusions/illusions in another and thus, treat the other in a way I would like to be treated.
When and as I see myself wondering what it would be like to live out a certain scenario/lifestyle/scene that I see on TV or read in books - I stop, I breathe - I realise that TV and books are really fiction and that how things play out on TV/books mostly has nothing to do with practical reality - and thus, I commit myself to assess whether that which I am curious about is practical and supportive of life and practically achievable and if not, I investigate the particular thoughts/emotions/ feelings/memories/ projections that came up in relation to the particular scenario/lifestyle/scene so as to see where within myself I feel that I am 'missing' something and I align the point accordingly through writing, SF and self-correction.