Living my Last Life

Last night, we were chatting about how this life is our last one and that our application in this life will determine whether we ‘make it’ or not, opening up all the fears, resistances, etc. in relation to that point and applying self-forgiveness on it. During the chat, the point for me opened up of “why would I apply myself if I am probably not going to experience the ‘end-result’ as a world of equality” – which is a statement of giving up before I’ve even tried/started and an indication of how conditioned I am to only do something when I expect to experience a ‘positive outcome’ as a ‘reward’ – instead of moving unconditionally according to what I see and understand is necessary/practical to be done in a moment.

After chat, later that night, I watched the movie ‘Centre Stage’, which is a dance movie. Whenever I watch a movie like that, I go thinking about how I want to be a professional dancer one day. Now, it’s pretty clear to me that I won’t be fulfilling this dream of mine in this lifetime, because it’s not practical within the process we’re walking and where I’ve placed myself to be effective. So, the thought I would always use to ‘appease’ these thoughts was that “I’ll do it in a later lifetime”. This was however not possible after the chat we’d just had about how this was our last life, so more points came up of thinking that “it’s not fair that this is my last life, because how am I supposed to fulfil my personal dreams now??”

Then, this morning I was writing self-forgiveness on purifying the word ‘cancer’ and in that I was writing self-forgiveness on the point of fear of death. As I was writing about the point of fear of death, the points of last night of the last life and wanting to fulfil my personal dreams re-surfaced.

So – below are the self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements I applied on the points that opened up. Enjoy:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to lose all my memories of what I have done and experienced in this lifetime.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself, my life and my ‘achievements’ within memory – within memories of people and events and actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself and my achievements within what exists around me, outside of me – when it is about who I am here in every moment and not about what I create outside from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to lose awareness of myself as a personality/individual.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need/require my memories in order to be me and to continue to be me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear/believe that I won’t have enough time in one lifetime to transcend everything and therefore, think that I might as well give up now, so that, at the end of my lifetime, I don’t have to feel like a failure – when actually I am deciding to live a life of failure right here and now, and accept myself as that and nothing more.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I won’t make it at the end of my time.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that when the time is here, it will be irrelevant whether I make it or not, because if I don’t make it, I am simply gone – and in that, the point is forgiving and merciful, because there is no restitution/punishment – you simply end.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly try to validate why the things I enjoy in my personal life are important to all because I don’t want to give up those parts of my life/my world – such as dancing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a ‘I want to dance’ personality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that, because this is my last life, I should make the most out of it by doing what I want to do and not what is best for all – because I probably won’t make it anyways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the want/dream to be a perfect/amazing professional dancer some day and therefore not want to accept the last life principle, because I realise that it is unlikely I’ll be dancing in this lifetime – therefore wanting more lifetimes so that at least in one of them I can live out my dream of being a perfect/amazing professional dancer.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that my time is over and gone – I didn’t make it in that point – I’m walking a different path now, but I can assist in creating a world wherein it becomes easier for other beings to live and become what it is they enjoy to do/be, as long as it does not harm others.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that my life is not my own and that my experiences are not only mine – in the sense that they are relevant towards all beings; I can use my experiences to learn from them and see what is necessary to be done so that no-one else requires to go through that.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I didn’t live my life so that I can fulfil my personal dreams, but so that I gain perspective on how the world works and the effect it has on people’s lives.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have a right to personally experience what it is I have always dreamt of.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from past generation and future generations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous of future generations and the world they might someday experience as the world created within this generation and the ones to come.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be willing to do something that I might not see the end of, even if I see/understand and realise that it’s the only way.

I forgive myself for not being grateful for my lifetime, who I am, what I’ve done and what I’m still busy doing.

I forgive myself for being jealous of the lifetimes others will have.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be grateful for myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I would’ve wanted people before me to do what I necessary to be done so that I as part of the future generation could’ve experienced a different world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to will myself to do what is best for all if I won’t be ‘rewarded’ for it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the programming of conditioning, whereby I only do something out of motivation of what will follow after I do it – either punishment or reward.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave myself to motivation and believe that I need/require proper motivation to do what is needed to be done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself in the belief that I need/require motivation as fuel to move myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to move unconditionally according to the realisation and understanding of what is best for all, but always first consider my personal experiences and the possible positive or negative outcomes.

SCS:

I realise and accept that what is relevant in terms of who I am is not that which is/exists outside of me, but is me here in every moment.

I realise that when the time is here, it is irrelevant whether I make it or not, because if I don’t make it, I am simply gone.

I realise that my time of attempting to become a professional dancer is over and gone – I didn’t make it in that point – I’m walking a different path now – but I realise that I can assist in creating a world wherein it becomes easier for other beings to live and become what it is they enjoy to do/be, providing that it doesn’t harm other beings.

I realise that my life is not just my own and that my experiences are not only mine, in the sense that they are relevant towards all beings. I can use my experiences to learn from them and see what is necessary to be done so that no-one else requires to go through the same experiences.

I realise that I didn’t live my life so that I can fulfil my personal dreams, but so that I can gain perspective on how the world works and the effect it has on people – to from there act in a way that adjusts the world so that people may live different lives.

I am grateful for my lifetime, who I am, what I’ve done and what I’m still busy doing – I don’t need/require to see the end-result of my actions to appreciate them.

I realise that I would’ve wanted the people who have gone before me to do what is necessary to be done so that I as part of the future generation could’ve experienced a different world.

I realise that it’s to move unconditionally, willing myself to do what I see and understand is in the interest of all, without needing to be rewarded for it.

When and as I see myself thinking/feeling that it is not fair that this is my last life – I stop, I breathe – I realise that I’m participating in a program of conditioning wherein I think/belief that I require a reward for my actions, I breathe and let go of this belief and actively will and direct myself to do what requires to be done in a moment within the understanding and realisation that this is what I would’ve wanted others to do for me.

When and as I see myself wanting to live out my personal dreams of wanting to be/become a professional dancer, I stop, I breathe – I remind myself that I’ve already gone down that path and that I have found that it is not a supportive application for myself or others at the moment. Instead, I focus on what is needed to be done to assist in manifesting a world wherein people are unconditionally supported in expanding their expression in dancing, music, or anything else that is not harmful to others – so that others won’t have to go through the ‘fighting’ experience I went through.

When and as I see myself making decisions based on what type of experience I will expect to personally experience afterwards, wherein I direct myself to do that which I expect will yield the greatest positive experience – I stop, I breathe – I re-assess my decisions and use as a guideline: to be effective within supporting myself and others and direct myself to do what is needed/required/practical in the moment.