For Context, please check out the Discussion currently happening on Facebook on the Afterlife Awareness and After-Death Communication page - under the following post:

Jackie Bourassa

The true definition of what "death" is has been on my mind recently. I've read about many people experiencing OBE's during surgery, during very traumatic accidents and many other situations where their systems were in shock. What I find even more interesting is many of the same out of body experiences are occurring in people who are normally healthy. It's called astral travel or astral projection. I was a critic until I began "flying" at the beginning of 2012. It started happening at night, usually the moment I fall asleep, however it has recently been occurring during the day in deep meditation. My physical body is not dead yet I experience travel on many different dimensions. I can no longer honestly say that death is an ending, rather it's a beginning of new experience or an awakening. Anyone else experiencing this beautiful phenomenon?

OBE's, NDE's, ADC - all these points are not the sole cause of the state of the world. They are rather ways in which we participate in the one problem that is causing the state of the world: which is not taking responsibility. And this is something people do in general, not just love-and-light-seekers, not just OBE'rs, NDE'rs or this particular facebook group. I personally don't have any experience with OBE/NDE or ADC. But I understand the underlying motivations for it. And that is where the problem lies.

We grow up in this world as children expecting nothing but fun - and then we grow up and we see that things are tough and people are often nasty. We learn about how we have to earn money to get by and we learn about how there are people who don't have money to survive. We learn about deception, about manipulation and about abuse. Now - we can either try to live our own lives and try to be as happy as we can be on an individual level - or we can look at why the world is the way it is and how we can fix it. As far as I'm concerned, I only have this one life - I may have more, but I can't verify such claims. So - I work with what I know: I have one lifetime. And in a life, we actually have quite a lot of time - and if I dedicate this time towards investigating the problems in the world and finding solutions that would work for everyone - as well as taking the staps to actually implement those solutions - then that is a life worth living. If all would do this, the world would be sorted out in no time. But instead - I've found that people prefer to just try to make their own life work and try to find some happiness and fulfillment on a personal level. I mean - that's what I was doing, that's what everyone I've ever met was/is doing. But to me that is not acceptable, because that means that when I bring a child into the world, it will expect a life of fun, but instead, I will present it with the same disappointments and horrors that I was faced with growing up: that this world is a mess and that no-one has really done any attempt to change it in any susbtantial way.

As I said, I don't have experience with OBE and things like that - but I had a different 'mission' or passion in my life - which was dancing. It was my one point of 'light' and 'comfort' because when I was dancing, I did not think about everything else in my life - it was just me, my body, other people's bodies, the music, the rythm, the flow - it was like perfect harmony and like in that moment nothing else existed but this perfect harmony. And I was great in school - I skipped a grade because I was considered 'above average' in intelligence, but I wasn't interested in studying - I wanted to dedicate my life to dancing on a professional level, because that was what made me happy.

Then I came across Desteni and I was faced with the same question you're faced with now: which was - why do you do it? Do you do it from a starting point of self-interest or because it will bring about solutions that work for everyone? And to test the answer for myself I did the following: I imagined my life without dancing. Immediately, I felt sooo sad, desperate and depressed. And that's how I knew that the reason I danced was to hide from how I really feel - to try to be happy on an individual level. It was not because it was going to help anyone - although, I could probably make up reasons and justifications of how dancing can help people. That was not the point - the point is not whether it could help people, the point was that this was not the reason why I was doing it. I was doing it to feel something positive, to feel special, to feel good about myself. But those experiences were not real or valid, because they didn't last - they only lasted for as long as I was dancing. I wasn't a ball of light, I wasn't special and I wasn't in any way better or a virtuous person. I just felt that way.

So - when I realised what I've just explained - I made a decision to give up dancing for this life - to stop trying to dedicate my life to dancing. Because I realised that dancing was not going to change me - it was just going to change the way I feel for a moment. And if I would continue participating in my blissful state of dancing, it would stand in my way of really facing who I am and what I really experience - and it would stand in my way of seeing the problems in the world and how they need to be sorted out. No-one wants to feel shitty, but we all do on some level. And from one perspective, we all have to sort out our internal world, but from another, we have to sort out the external conditions that support inner conflict and inner confusion as well. So - I decided that with this lifetime - I had a decision to make - and I decided to dedicate the time I have in this life towards finding real solutions instead of personal happiness and gratification.

And this is the decision each of you basically have to make - not that we're demanding it or because we're popping the question - it's a decision you make whether you're aware of it or not - now we're just placing the question in your awareness so you can make a more informed decision. Unless we realise that we're all in the same boat - whether we're an OBE'r a dancer, a drug addict, a criminal or, a desperate housewife, or a disillusioned child - we're only ever going to be chasing happiness through personal experiences - but it will never be real and it will never last and it will never create the world we actually would like to live in.

And - it is not about joining Desteni or agreeing with 'us'. This is about who you want to be and what you'll say when you die when you ask yourself the question: What did I actually do with my Life?

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• Day 232: Creation or Self Creation: Why are we on Earth? - ADC - Part 79
• Day 243: Happy Birthday and God - ADC - Part 90
• Day 256: When the Negative is Positive in Secret Geometry - ADC - Part 103
• Day 258: Vampires in the Soul of Sacred Geometry - ADC - Part 105
• Day 229: Thought at the Quantum Level - ADC - Part 76
• Day 257: Reincarnation and Secret Geometry - ADC - Part 104
• Day 238: The Bigger Picture - ADC - Part 85
• Day 248: Change The World and God - ADC - Part 95
• Day 251: ESP and God - ADC - Part 98

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This Blog-post is a continuation to Day 81: What to Expect when You're Expecting

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always romanticise what it would be like to have a child, where within considering what it would be like to have a child, I only ever picture the 'happy' moments of holding a baby sleeping or playing with a child in a park - everything that seems to be fun about having children - and deliberately ignoring all the difficult points in terms of having to take care of a child 24/7, where the child becomes the number one priority of my life and I have barely any time left to do what I'd like to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define pregnancy as a 'deep' spiritual/highly meaningful experience of bliss, where mothers just experience 'love' and intimacy with the unborn child, without ever wondering what the actual, physical, experience is of having a child, which, basically, involves the wrecking of the female body as a parasite grows inside the womb.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an opinion of what pregnancy should be like and how I should feel about pregnancy and how I should experience it, based on a memory where I told my mother about my French teacher who said that she hated being pregnant and that she never wants to go through it again - to which my mother said 'wat e kieke', which is, loosely-translated from Dutch: 'what a moron' - where, I then created the idea/perception/belief that pregnancy is something you SHOULD enjoy as a mother and that it is unacceptable to acknowledge any unpleasant experiences within it - thinking/believing that that would make me a bad mother.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief that mothers should only ever love their child and experience love towards their child - and that anything else indicates that the woman is a bad mother.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to ever really place myself in the shoes of a mother and looking at what is practically involved in pregnancy and motherhood - and what challenges are involved on both a mental and physical level - as all one's energy and focus is now placed on another being - which is something entirely different from how people generally live their lives, where they only ever take themselves into consideration - and thus, that it is quite a challenge to be a mother in this world, and that it can therefore obviously not just be a blissful experience filled with only an experience of 'love'.

Self-Forgiveness to be continued.

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• Day 81: What to Expect when You're Expecting
• Day 110: Fear as Quick Fix Parenting Technique
• Day 125: I am the Centre of the Universe!
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Question: 

Feelings are positive, emotions are negative. I can see how having an emotion is always a negative thing. But feeling happy about oneself is also a negative thing, is that true?

Perspective:

It's not that emotions and feelings are 'bad' things. When we say something is 'bad', we are really just assigning a negative charge to a word, or an event or a concept - when, in itself, the word/event/concept just is what it is.

So - why do we at Desteni investigate both our emotions as the negative experiences and our feelings as the positive experiences?

Emotions and feelings are energetic experiences. How does energy work? Energy - just as with electricity - always moves between opposite poles. On a battery you'll have a positive side, indicated with a '+' and a negative side, indicated with a '-'. Our Mind's energy operates in the exact same way - where it will always move from positive energetic charges, or feelings, to negative energetich charges, or emotions. That is why we are never just stable, but have 'ups and downs' - because the energy in our mind always has to switch between emotions and feelings.

So - what does this imply? It implies that emotions and feelings are dependent on one-another. Meaning: the emotion of hate must exist for the feeling of love to exist - the emotion of sadness must exist for the feeling of happiness to exist - because emotions and feelings co-exist in a relationship of polarity, and the one end of the polarity cannot exist without the other, opposite, end. In other words - we will never 'rid' ourselves of our negative energetic experiences if we want to hold on to the positive energetic experiences - because every time we participate in a positive energetic experience, we immediately create a negative energetic experience as well.

So - that explains why we investigate both emotions and feelings, as we cannot choose to keep one and do away with the other in terms of what emotions and feelings are by their very nature of polarity.

Now - some more on feelings. You will see/realise as you continue in your DIP course, that there is 'more to feelings than meets the eye'. What on the surface is experienced as something 'positive' or 'good' - actually indicates an aspect in yourself where you're 'lacking' something within yourself. This will be most easily explained with an example.

For instance - when we fall in love, we generally experience this as a positive/good thing - because it 'feels' good. We have love in our life, and all is wonderful and we feel fulfilled. However - this love is triggered by something outside of ourselves - we look for it in other people, in family, friends or a partner. But the underlying 'problem' so to speak - is that we are actually not loving ourselves. And because we don't love ourselves - we look for love elsewhere - through forming relationships with other people. And then we have an energetic experience that we call 'love' and we feel satisfied and fulfilled. But... as with all energetic experiences, this feeling of love will fade, or may even alter into an experience of resistance, disgust and even hatred.

So - what does the feeling of 'love' do? It gives us a 'quick-fix' - where we for a moment feel satisfied and fulfilled - but actually, what it does, is: make it so that we don't go and look deeper - to the origin of the feeling - which is the lack of love within ourselves - the lack of self-love. And this self-love is not just an energetic, fleeting experience. It is a living application in terms of how we treat ourselves and in terms of whether or not we accept and allow ourselves to be less than who we can be. This self-love is real love. And once we learn how to love ourselves - we can extend this love as an actual living application to others as well - where we can then live others as ourselves equally.

So - we're investigating feelings, because they 'hide' points of ourselves that require attention - and instead of 'settling' for merely fleeting positive energetic experience - we work towards fulfilling ourselves in a real and substantial way.

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This blog-post is a continuation of 'Day 55: Today I Broke Up with my Ex'.

So - as I wrote in my previous blog, this particular relationship I had written about extensively already. Yet - there was still a feeling within me of the story between me and this guy is not over. I'm aware that this relationship represents a backdoor for me in my process, where I can see that if I were looking for an 'out', I would somehow use this relationship as a way to go back to my 'old life'. This particular relationship was a very intense one - primarily because we didn't fit well with each other - we were like opposites, had complete different interests and outlooks on life, the world, what's important and what's not - yet there was this very strong attraction and connection between us.

Recently I found an old diary of mine and I read an entry about a moment where we were together and where he had said that clearly I cannot live without him and he cannot live without me, but for the moment we both have to go and do our own thing.

For most of 'our story' we weren't actually in a relationship together - we were only officially together for 2 months - but afterwards kept on coming back to each other and separating again. So - the relationship was not clearly defined and we didn't particularly direct it. Every time we tried, we stumbled into disagreements that had us go separate ways again, yet we couldn't stay apart from each other for very long either, continuously falling for each other again.

This entry I read about was the last conversation I remember us having about our relationship. And, in that moment that he had said that we should go our separate ways for now and come together again later (which is not what he explicitly said, but what was implied), I had, within myself, agreed with him - and so, in that moment it's like I made a promise to myself and to him to some day get back to him and 'continue our story'.

So, in essence we never really broke up - lol - we placed a '...' behind our story instead of a full stop - and that's exactly what I experienced the last few years - even if I hadn't seen or spoken to him for years. So - when I read that entry I realised that that moment/conversation was the origin-point of the entire experience, because there still existed a 'plan' within myself of going back to him.

Then I placed the question in front of me again: Do I want to go back to him at some point and be in a relationship with him - is that what I want to do with my life? And the answer was no. So - I did my writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements again to clear the point within myself.

A few days ago I realised that the point was not entirely cleared up. So, I looked at the point and decided to communicate this with him. Actually, when I had read the entry and realised this whole point, my first instinct was to communicate with him and make it clear that I am not going to come back to him. But, I figured that the point is about me, not him and that it was a matter of clearing it up within myself. And throughout my process I have had many moments where I contemplated speaking to him to clear up everything between us and create a 'proper' ending to the relationship. But every time I changed my mind and decided to just work on the points within myself. So - in noticing that the point was still not cleared up I looked at it again and realised that the one thing I haven't done yet is speak to him about it and so I decided to just do it.

He had been a part of that moment where I not only made a commitment to myself, but also towards him and so this particular point concerns him as well. And also - in case this point is also running within him and affecting his life, it could maybe assist him to move on as well. So, it's a matter of taking responsibility for the part I played within that moment of agreeing with him and not directing the relationship in clarity.

So - I wrote out the point to him and sent it to him yesterday. After I pressed 'send' I felt a huge relief within myself and I was completely empty and silent within myself.

After a few moments, though, I noticed an anxiety - and the point that's still not entirely clear within me is whether or not I 'should've' communicated it with him - because previously whenever I would want to communicate with him to direct a point, it was mostly a diversion to not actually deal with the point within myself - but to 'talk to him' as though that was going to magically release the point within me. So, this point I will write about in tomorrow's blog!

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I wanted to start writing a blog about a point that I've been struggling with ever since I started my process, which is a past relationship with an old boyfriend. I've written about the point countless times, each time opening up new dimensions of it. After a while I couldn't see any more points or at least points that I hadn't yet directed. And recently another of those points became clear - a point where I saw I needed to direct it. And so - that's the point I wanted to write about today. But then, I figured that writing about it was not what I had to do - I first had to direct it.

So - today's blog is really short as I ended up writing towards my ex instead of writing about the point in my blog. I'll lay everything in tomorrow's blog-post - so, watch this space!

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This blog is a continuation of:
Day 30: Goodness as Positivity,
Day 31: You're My HERO!!!
Day 32: Consistency and
Day 33: Wanting to be the Star Pupil 
Day 34: Make a Happy Family 
Day 35:Don't Act like Lady Gaga - Act like a Real Lady!
Day 36: Join JESUS on The CROSS -What?! WHY?!?

- continuing to purify the word 'Good'.

In my mind, I have connected the word 'good' to:

Leading a Successful Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘good’ within and as being successful in life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define goodness within success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my success within and as being successful in love, friendship, career and studies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that in order to be a good person I have to meet certain criteria and that these criteria include: finding good boyfriends/a good husband, having many good friends, having a career in which I make a lot of money and having good grades in school, passing everything from the first time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define goodness in terms of achievement , and specifically, that I have to be able to show great achievements in terms of relationships, friendships, a career and studies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I ‘have something to show for myself’ in terms of relationships, friendships, career and studies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined my value-system in relation to what I saw other people in my environment value – thereby copying their beliefs in terms of what is apparently important in life – such as relationships, friendships, a career and studies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define life itself in terms of establishing and developing relationships, friendships, a career and good grades.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself in terms of how the system values a person – in terms of the extent in which one integrates into the system and into their own mind consciousness system , in creating one’s life/environment in such a way that one is ‘trapped’ into their mind consciousness system with minimal opportunity for self-realisation. Learn more »

When starting an agreement with someone, understand that it is important to specify what it is that your agreement consists of – meaning: the term ‘agreement’ stems from the fact that two beings are agreeing on something. So, when you enter an agreement with someone, specify, out-loud or on paper what it is that you are both agreeing on – and obviously make sure that both are clear on the points and that both agree!

To simply say ‘we are in an agreement’ without having actually explicitly agreed on anything, leaves a gaping door open to fall into relationship-patterns.

Remember that relationships are actually also agreements. Though, the agreement that exists between two beings in a relationship is a ‘silent’/’hidden’ agreement – whereby both partners agree to support each others’ dishonesties, to accept any crap of each other in the name of the relationship, to try and make each other ‘feel good’ and that if someone doesn’t ‘feel good’ in the relationship, the relationship ends, and so on and so forth.

Why do I say that if you don’t specify what you agree on when entering an agreement, you're opening a door to fall into relationship-patterns? Because we’ve never done agreements before. All we’ve ever known, all we’ve ever participated in, is relationships. This practically means that when you enter an agreement – you have no idea what’s waiting for you, you have no idea what’s going to happen, how you will be, how the other will be, what your experience within it will be, what you will discover, etc. Now, when we face a point of the ‘unknown’, what the mind does, is take information from the past and use that as a basis from which to act. And because – from the mind’s perspective – relationships are the closes thing you can find to agreements, you’ll use your experience of relationships as a guideline to act within your agreement – whether on a conscious, subconscious or unconscious level.

Therefore – when you enter an agreement, make sure that you script your own guideline to fall back on. That is what ‘the agreement’ is – it is a principle you both agree to stand by and commit yourself to – and within that, it is your guideline that you will fall back on, in moments where you experience doubts in relation to what to do, how to be, how to assist the other being, what to express, etc. So that, instead of ‘grabbing back’ to past relationship experiences to ‘tell you what to do’ – you’ll be able to assess the situation you’re in and see how you’re able to apply your agreement within this particular situation.

Now – understand that your verbal agreement is your guideline and it will assist you within sticking to the principles, instead of following past relationship-patterns. However, it is not a guarantee. I’d say: I would be surprised if anyone enters an agreement and never falls into relationship patterns. Why? Because that is one of the major points you face in agreements: your relationship-patterns – they WILL come up. They actually have to – otherwise, how are you going to face them?

Therefore, don’t try and ‘fight’ that point as in trying to prevent it from happening, having you become all ‘stiffened up’ inside because of fear of making a mistake and ‘fucking things up’ and ‘being dishonest’. You probably will at some point say: Fuck! what are we doing? We’ve manifested a relationship here, we’ve created relationship connections and definitions where we’ve defined parts of ourselves within each other and we’re playing out past relationship patterns!

When that happens – breathe – then remember your agreement, your explicit, verbal agreement and see how you’re able to apply it within this particular situation.

See – when I came at this point: I freaked. I realised I had manifested a relationship and I decided to therefore end the agreement. Because – from my perspective it was not an agreement anymore, it was a relationship – therefore it was not valid, therefore it had to end.

So – I went through the break-up/withdrawal experience and did my self-forgiveness. All this time, LJ – my agreement-partner – kept doing what he’d always do: he’d check on me, we’d talk, he gave suggestions, etc. So – after a while, once I had cleared myself of the emotional turmoil and the relationship-connection, I looked at the situation again, and I saw that – in terms of how we were participating with each other, it was the same as before I had created the whole relationship-connection. So – I then realised that I hadn’t ended the agreement, I had ended the relationship. Because – in terms of what we had agreed upon, we were both still committed to the same points and LJ had throughout this experience, applied exactly what he had agreed to do when we entered the agreement.

So – when you realise that you’ve manifested a relationship or that you’re playing out relationship-patterns – stop, breathe – don’t assume that you now have to ‘break-up’ and ‘end the agreement’. (‘End the agreement’ – interesting, I’ll get to that later.) Instead – when you see you've manifested a relationship construct – face it. Do your forgiveness, discuss everything with each other in specificity, clear yourself of the construct, apply the corrections and walk from there.

To ‘end the agreement’, in essence, is impossible. If your agreement was made from the starting point of self-honesty within both partners – then that agreement stands, no matter what. It is done. So – when you’ve for a moment ‘lost yourself’ within a point of self-dishonesty and separation – remind yourself of your initial agreement – because that is your point of self-honesty. Therefore, it is the key to ‘bringing yourself back’ to that point of self-honesty within yourself.

If you come to a point within your agreement where you end up actually splitting up and ‘ending the agreement’ – then that means that your initial, explicit agreement – from at least one of the partners – was not self-honest. If an agreement ends, it was a deception from the start.

So – that’s why I suggest that when you enter an agreement, you take a moment to verbally speak out or write out what it is that you’re agreeing on, that you make sure both parties are clear on all points and that you’re both self-honest within the starting point of entering the agreement. If those points are applied, then everything else… – well, I wouldn’t say that things get ‘easier’ – you still have to face yourself – though, within the midst of the storm, you’ll have an anchor that’ll keep you from drifting off too far. Learn more »