This blogpost is a continuation to:
Day 95: Riding on the Wave of Others' Change
Dag 94: Spontaneity vs. Impulsiveness - What does it Mean to Live in the Moment?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing
myself to blame others when I experience disappointment, projecting the
cause of the disappointment unto them, when actually i am the cause as I
came from an experience of 'hope' as the positive polarity, which eventually had to end in a negative polarity of disappointment.
I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, within blaming
others for my experience of disappointment for leaving a point
unfinished of which I expected/hoped that it would possibly change my life in an exciting/sensational way, go into an experience of anger
towards them and experience the emotion of betrayal, as though the
other betrayed me - as though they had promised me something and broke
their promise.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when I create expectations or assumptions about what others will do or how others will behave, in a way of which I hope/expect to receive
some sort of benefit - also create the idea/perception/belief that the
other has made a promise to me, when none of it is actually real, but
all conjured up in my mind through interpretation of what it is that I want to see things as, that would 'make me happy'.
I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when and as I see
others leave a point unfinished of which I wanted them to keep pursuing
it, think "you made it look like you were going to stick with this point
all the way and now you didn't" in an attempt to justify my anger and
blame towards the other.
I forgive myself for not
accepting and allowing myself to see/realise that the anger has nothing
to do with them, but that I am merely experiencing my anger towards
myself for not taking responsibility for my own life and taking my own
initiative and pursuing it - facing and walking through my fears to move myself and make my own wave of change, instead of riding on others'.
I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my
self-experience on how others are experiencing themselves, like when
they are excited, I will become excited as well - and when they stop
being excited, I stop being excited as well - and then blame the other
for me not being excited -when all the while, I'm the one who separated
myself from self-enjoyment through defining it in an energetic
experience of excitement, which in essence is an experience of hope.
I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself
from enjoyment through defining enjoyment in an energetic experience of
excitement and hope - and thus, for making others responsible for my
enjoyment, instead of realising that enjoyment is self-enjoyment and is
not dependent on energy or others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have developed a resentment towards impulsiveness.
I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bring up past
experiences of anger, resentment, betrayal, anger, blame and
disappointment whenever I see someone dive into a new point, where I
see/think that they are being impulsive/making an impulsive commitment,
on a whim and will not stick to it - therefore, going into a future projection, based on the past, thinking/believing I know the outcome before it has happened.
I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become resentful
towards beings who make decisions in a moment, equating a decision made
in the moment to an impulsive decision and equating an impulsive
decision to a decision that one does not remain committed to, but jumps
into and then leaves unfinished.
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to equate a decision made in the moment to
an impulsive decision and to a decision that one does not remain
committed to, but jumps into and then leaves unfinished -therefore,
resisting making decisions in the moment, because I, basically, don't
trust myself to see it through, but already expect myself to fail
beforehand.
I forgive myself for not accepting and
allowing myself to trust myself when making a decision in the moment in
clarity, but, instead, impose unto such decisions my experiences I have
had in the past of when I made decisions or saw others make decisions in
energy, where, as soon as the energy runs out or changes polarity,t he
commitment stops and the decision is 'broken'.
To be continued.
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This blog is a continuation to:
Dag 94: Spontaneity vs. Impulsiveness - What does it Mean to Live in the Moment?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live through others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give others the responsibility of making my life interesting and successful through me living through others' actions, experiences, endeavours and accomplishments.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an experience of hope when I would see others jumping into the deep end as they took on a particular project or endeavour - like, submerging themselves within it entirely and completely - because I believed that this is something that was impossible, believing it was impossible because I was afraid of losing myself, of losing control.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always hold myself back and never allow myself to pursue a point entirely and completely out of fear of losing myself and out of fear of losing control.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to lose myself, instead of realising that i am me and therefore, how can I ever lose myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to lose control, instead of realising that control is a Con and turns me into a Troll - because instead of supporting the expression and flow of life, I would only support suppression, constriction and limitation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disappointed when I see another person give up on the point they were just so enthusiastic and passionate about.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up expectations about what MY Life will be like if the other person pursues a particular point to completion and how I will be able to just benefit off of their efforts - and therefore, become disappointed when they would give up pursuing the point, because that means all my expectations would no tbe fulfilled and my life would not change in any significant way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect others to fix my life or make my life more exciting.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect others to carry me through the necessary changes to be made in my life.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be willing to 'put myself out there' and test the point of change for myself - but wait for others to first explore it and only once I think/believe it is safe, to implement the change in my own life.
I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself to immediately react in fear when faced with a point of change - whether it is a small or a big change - because I think/believe that everything that is in place at the moment works and is safe - and therefore, think/believe that if something were to change, that things may become more difficult or may involve more of some kind of perceived danger.
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This is a continuation to
Day 72: My Body, My Battlefield,
Day 73: Afraid of Petrification,
Day 74: Con or Be Conned - The Social Law of Human Behaviour?,
Day 76: The Mind as a Parasite Virus,
Day 77: When God Makes a Pact with the Devil Day 78: The Good Guys versus the Bad Guys
When and as I see myself reacting in fear due to projecting within my mind a scenery or situation in which I am experiencing petrification - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I am experiencing fear, not because I actually fear that which I am projecting within my mind as the scenery/situation, where in essence the fear has got nothing to do with the scenery/situation, but that I am through the projection, bringing the experience of petrification that I project/imagine I would have in such a scenery/situation 'here' - and thus, I create the perception/idea/belief that my fear stands in relation to something else, when actually, I have merely superimposed my imagined/projected fear unto the here/now moment, and thus - creating an experience of fear. And thus, I commit myself to, in such a moment where when and as I see myself reacting in fear due to superimposing an imagined experience of petrification on the present moment, let go of the fear, stabilise myself through breathing and proceed in common sense.
When and as I see myself going into a fear of being conned or deceived - I stop, I breathe - I realise that we have played the game of 'con or be conned' for far too long and that participating within this fear will inevitably lead to deception from my part in order to 'protect' me from being conned - and therefore, I commit myself to let go of the fear, stabilise myself within my body in breath, embrace myself in self-trust and proceed with common sense.
When and as I see myself going into fear due to feeling that 'who I am' as all the judgments, perceptions, beliefs, opinions, thoughts, feelings, emotions, definitions, fears, perceptions in and of my mind is in some way being challenged and therefore, tend to go into a defensive/protective mode - I stop, I breathe - I realise that all the judgments, perceptions, beliefs, opinions, thougths, feelings, emotions, definitions, fears, perceptions in and of my mind are nothing but foreign entities that i have imposed upon myself as well as my physical body and thus, are not who I am and do not require my protection, but instead my scrutiny - and thus, I commit myself let go of the fear as well as whatever judgement, perception, belief, opinion, thought, feeling, emotion, definition, fear or perception that was being challenged - as it is only a figment of my imagination through the mind and not real.
When and as I see myself going into a fear of being taken over and losing control - I stop, I breathe - I realise that within and as the fear, I am actually giving my power away to that which I perceive is attempting to take over and control me, and within that - I am in fact giving that something/someone the permission to take over as, within the fear, I am stating that I am 'in fear' = inferior - and thus, unable to stop their attempt to take over/control me - and thus, I commit myself to place the something/someone that I see as a threat that is attempting to take me over/control me within and as me and embrace myself as equal and one as that something/someone - herein diffusing any ideas or perceptions of inferiority/superiority and thus, placing myself in a position where I am able to direct myself and determine and express what I accept and allow and what I don't accept and allow.
When and as I see myself victimising myself - I stop, I breathe - I realise that nothing can ever really be done unto me and that any harm something or someone else inflicts on me is only me self-created consequences as I left a space within myself or my life where I was not the directive principle and self-honesty, and thus gave the outside something/someone the permission and freedom to become the directive principle in my stead - and thus, I commit myself to let go of the victimisation and instead empower myself through taking responsibility by investigating the points I have missed/left undirected and becoming the directive principle within them.
When and as I see myself going into fear of vulnerability, fear of being fragile, fear of pain or fear of death - I stop, I breathe - I realise that the physical reality of being vulnerable, being fragile, possibly experiencing pain and certainly experiencing death sooner or later - are things that are currently inevitable and to which I can make no immediate difference - and thus, I commit myself to let go of the fear as the fear will not magically change the physical reality of vulnerability, fragility, pain and death - and thus, instead, I embrace the reality of vulnerability, fragility, possible pain and certain death, making peace with it and proceeding in self-silence.
When and as I see myself categorising people in the categories of 'good guys' and 'bad guys' - I stop, I breathe - I realise I am seeing people/he world in black and white as how I taught myself to see people/the world through watching cartoons in which some people are always entirely/purely good and some people are always entirely/purely evil - and thus, I stop myself from labeling people and seeing the world/people in black and white, and instead - place them within and as me, embracing them as me within the realisation that every human being is equally evil within accepting and allowing the exact same self-dishonesties to exist within them, which always include some form of harm and disregard to life - and that the only difference is that with some beings some types of dishonesties are more prominent and more obvious than with others and that some are able to hide and disguise their deceptions more easily - but that, in essence, everyone is the same - equal and one.
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I went to watch the Lion King in 3D last week. This was the first time that I understood everything of the movie, because I used to watch it in French as a kid and I didn’t always understand it all. I wasn’t even aware that I didn’t understand some words, I would just look at the pictures and ‘automatically’ try to fill in the gaps with what I thought would make sense.
Anyhow, this is the first time that I understood the entire context of the words ‘Hakuna Matata’. The context of it is: When the world turns your back on you, you turn your back on the world and you go on living without worries while ignoring what is going on behind your back, eg: ignoring the rest of the world.
Those two words (Hakuna Matata) are said to mean ‘no worries’ – but there’s more to it than that. The way in which the words ‘Hakuna Matata’ are lived and presented in the movie, is through ignoring one’s responsibilities. See – Simba is actually the new lion king, which gives him responsibilities towards his fellow lions as well as all the other animals within his kingdom – in making sure a balance and harmony is maintained, so that all animals and species are able to co-exist in relative peace, only hunting and feeding off each other when required and, within that, not endangering the other species.
But instead of facing up to his past: the loss of his father and his own emotions of shame and guilt in believing he is responsbile for his father’s death – he runs away and hides in paradise. Here he is seemingly fulfilled and happy and has ‘all he wants’ – until his past catches up with him. His childhood friend – Nala – finds him, and in hearing what his father’s kingdom ended up like in the hands of his uncle, Scar, he starts seeing that his apparent bliss in paradise, is not valid. After the words of a monkey' saying that one can either run away from their past or face it and learn from it: he decides to leave his life of bliss behind and take responsibility for his kingdom.
And there you have it – the basic principles of how we walk the process of self-forgiveness, self-application, self-responsibility, common sense, best for all: presented in a children’s movie.
Now – as a child I never realised that this is what the movie was about. What I took with me from the movie was: “I want to live like Timon and Pumba with Hakuna Matata, doing fun things in paradise and not having to worry about ANYTHING - EVER!! YAAAAAY!” – lol. And that’s what we do as children; we feel we can’t handle our reality and we go and hide in imaginary places – creating ‘another’ world for ourselves, in our own minds, where things are ‘better for us’. And what we learned in childhood, we continued doing throughout our lives, as we grew older, all the way into adulthood – spending most of our time in an illusionary world of ‘glimmer’ and ‘bliss’, while completely ignoring the actual reality as it is physically playing out around us.
Let’s manifest a world wherein children don’t feel the need to hide from the world, where children actually feel welcome, where children actually have fun, and where children take responsibility for themselves and their world, because they see that it is worth it.
To do that, we start with ourselves by facing our past, forgiving ourselves for who we were and what we’ve done in our past and learning from the past. As Simba, we cannot hide from our past, from ourselves and from our responsibilities forever. And it is simply a matter of making a decision: to live in ignorance as ‘personal bliss’, or to do what is in the benefit, in the interest of all, to create a world where no-one ever will feel the need to hide in ignorance again.
I am not saying that it is easy – I’m saying that it can be done.
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