This blog is a continuation to
Day 72: My Body, My Battlefield,
Day 73: Afraid of Petrification,
Day 74: Con or Be Conned - The Social Law of Human Behaviour?,
Day 76: The Mind as a Parasite Virus,
Day 77: When God Makes a Pact with the Devil

Specific points of fear I identified in relation to watching an episode of 'Curiosity' on what happens on a cellular level when a virus attacks the human body:

1. A secret intruder/a lurking evil
2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells
3. The complete take-over of a cell, where 'who the cell originally was' becomes non-existent and becomes an incubator for little virus babies
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction
6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction

5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear when and as I see the entities that make up the human immune system instantly destroy a virus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear due to the realisation that with every lifeform there is another lifeform that is able to crush/destroy the first lifeform in a matter of seconds.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reactin fear due to the realisatio that I can be destroyed/crushed in a matter of seconds and that physical strength is a relative term - where, even if I perceive my human physical body to be quite a strong organism - there are conditions under which it will die almost instantly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear vulnerability and fragility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear vulnerability and fragility as I connect both words with the experience of pain - where, if I feel vulnerable or fragile, I immediately expect the possibility of pain, and within that expectation and possibility, immediately bring the experience of pain here - and thus - give myself a feedback system of 'vulnerable' or 'fragile' equals pain - teaching myself that vulnerability and fragility are two things that need to be avoided - instead of realising that they are physical facts that I can currently not change - and thus, since I am aware of the vulnerability and fragility and that I can do nothing about it, I might as well embrace it - as there is no practical value in being in fear of getting hurt because of feeling vulnerable or fragile - it's not going to make any difference to my physical state in terms of suddenly becoming stronger or less fragile.

6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear when I saw a virus carrying out each action as a step within a thought-out plan with the singular goal of destroying the human physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear beings with a singlemindedness of having one singular goal of causing destruction or doing harm.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I programmed this fear within myself through watching cartoons and movies as a child - where the 'bad guy' always had such a mind-set with the only goal of being 'evil' and where every action was always carefully planned and thought-out to serve in his/her masterplan of inflicting harm unto others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to categorise people into 'good guys' and 'bad guys' - where the 'good guys' always have 'good intentions' and the 'bad guys' only have bad intentions - and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a positive, hopeful, excited and comforting feeling to someone I have categorised as a 'good guy' and connect an experience of fear and resistance to someone I have categorised as a bad guy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and see the world/people in black and white as how human beings were presented in cartoons and movies when I was a child - as either being 'good' or being 'evil' - instead of seeing/realising that every kind of deception exists in every single person - where with some beings some types are more prominent and more obvious than with others and where some can for instance hide any deception exceptionally well - yet, in essence each one is equally evil as each one participates in the same self-dishonesties that always include some form of harm and disregard to life.

Related articles

• Day 77: When God Makes a Pact with the Devil
• Dag 73: Afraid of Petrification
• Day 74: Con or Be Conned - The Social Law of Human Behaviour?
• Day 76: The Mind as a Parasite Virus
• Day 70: Creating Ultimate G.I. Jane Character to Cheat Death

Learn more »

On the Curiosity show I saw an episode wherein they show what happens on a cellular level when a person gets a cold. I was absolutely astounded and shocked.

They showed in great detail how the virus penetrates the skin, how it moves through the cel, the defensive agents of the body that take action and how the virus usually sidesteps the attack or outclevers the defense system. Viruses have evolved to such an extent that they use the very tactics used by body to destroy it as a key-strategy for its own plan. Like - where it looks like the body is 'winning' - and then the virus goes: 'muahahaha! I was counting on that!'

The whole episode felt more frightening than any space-battle I have ever seen in sci-fi stuff. It's fascinating how we're going through our lives, completely unaware of the countless battles that are fought in our own body on a continuous basis.

The whole time I was thinking 'Damn! That virus is so EVIL!!' It's only purpose is to replicate, infect and ultimately destroy - a killing machine. By the end the virus had reprogrammed a cell to carry out the orders that the virus carried within him in his DNA: to replicate the virus and create an army. The virus, thus infiltrates the cell and uses it against itself. Once the army was unleashed, in a final attempt to stop the attack, surrounding cells sacrificed themselves. I mean - this is like ultimate warfare and it's not happening out in space - but right here in our very cells.

Also the defense systems used by the body were absolutely ruthless, tearing the virus apart and sucking it up - I mean, it was creepy.

If you want evidence of the statement: as above, so below - I suggest you watch the Episode - you can find it on YouTube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dx3Jghr-LYA. The evil of human nature not only manifests in our behaviour towards others, in the rules of our economic system and in political scheming and strategising - it determines the interactions within our tissue, within our flesh, within our cells. One of the worst fears I grew up with was the fear of a war breaking out - it absolutely paralysed me - the thought of it was petrifying and the idea of the chaos and the fear I would probably experience were like my worst nightmare. Yet, all this time, war is being waged inside ourselves.

I mean - what does this say about my awareness? That it is basically non-existent - if I am not even aware of my own cells and what goes on within them. I have to get a snotty nose before I realise something's up - but by that time several battles have already been fought.

So - what are the specific points of fear that came up?

1. A secret intruder/a lurking evil
2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells
3. The complete take-over of a cell, where 'who the cell originally was' becomes non-existent and becomes an incubator for little virus babies
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction
6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction

I'll take on these points through Self-Forgiveness in my next blog.

Related articles

• Day 210: Demons - ADC - Part 58
• Day 69: Preparing for Armageddon
• Day 71: When Panic Strikes
• Day 70: Creating Ultimate G.I. Jane Character to Cheat Death
• Day 206: The Relationship between Pain and the Body - ADC - Part 54

Learn more »