This blog is a continuation to
Day 72: My Body, My Battlefield,
Day 73: Afraid of Petrification,
Day 74: Con or Be Conned - The Social Law of Human Behaviour?,
Day 76: The Mind as a Parasite Virus,
Day 77: When God Makes a Pact with the Devil
Specific points of fear I identified in relation to watching an episode of 'Curiosity' on what happens on a cellular level when a virus attacks the human body:
1. A secret intruder/a lurking evil
2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells
3.
The complete take-over of a cell, where 'who the cell originally was'
becomes non-existent and becomes an incubator for little virus babies
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction
6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction
5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear when and as I see the entities that make up the human immune system instantly destroy a virus.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear due to the realisation that with every lifeform there is another lifeform that is able to crush/destroy the first lifeform in a matter of seconds.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reactin fear due to the realisatio that I can be destroyed/crushed in a matter of seconds and that physical strength is a relative term - where, even if I perceive my human physical body to be quite a strong organism - there are conditions under which it will die almost instantly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear vulnerability and fragility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear vulnerability and fragility as I connect both words with the experience of pain - where, if I feel vulnerable or fragile, I immediately expect the possibility of pain, and within that expectation and possibility, immediately bring the experience of pain here - and thus - give myself a feedback system of 'vulnerable' or 'fragile' equals pain - teaching myself that vulnerability and fragility are two things that need to be avoided - instead of realising that they are physical facts that I can currently not change - and thus, since I am aware of the vulnerability and fragility and that I can do nothing about it, I might as well embrace it - as there is no practical value in being in fear of getting hurt because of feeling vulnerable or fragile - it's not going to make any difference to my physical state in terms of suddenly becoming stronger or less fragile.
6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear when I saw a virus carrying out each action as a step within a thought-out plan with the singular goal of destroying the human physical body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear beings with a singlemindedness of having one singular goal of causing destruction or doing harm.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I programmed this fear within myself through watching cartoons and movies as a child - where the 'bad guy' always had such a mind-set with the only goal of being 'evil' and where every action was always carefully planned and thought-out to serve in his/her masterplan of inflicting harm unto others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to categorise people into 'good guys' and 'bad guys' - where the 'good guys' always have 'good intentions' and the 'bad guys' only have bad intentions - and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a positive, hopeful, excited and comforting feeling to someone I have categorised as a 'good guy' and connect an experience of fear and resistance to someone I have categorised as a bad guy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and see the world/people in black and white as how human beings were presented in cartoons and movies when I was a child - as either being 'good' or being 'evil' - instead of seeing/realising that every kind of deception exists in every single person - where with some beings some types are more prominent and more obvious than with others and where some can for instance hide any deception exceptionally well - yet, in essence each one is equally evil as each one participates in the same self-dishonesties that always include some form of harm and disregard to life.
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This blog is a continuation to
Day 72: My Body, My Battlefield,
Day 73: Afraid of Petrification,
Day 74: Con or Be Conned - The Social Law of Human Behaviour?,
Day 76: The Mind as a Parasite Virus
Specific points of fear I identified in relation to watching an episode of 'Curiosity' on what happens on a cellular level when a virus attacks the human body:
1. A secret intruder/a lurking evil
2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells
3. The complete take-over of a cell, where 'who the cell originally was' becomes non-existent and becomes an incubator for little virus babies
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction
6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear towards seeing how a virus manipulates what I perceive as 'innocent' proteins to do its bidding.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question how the protein on some level is allowing the manipulation and simply acting according to certain impulses and 'if this then that' equations, without fully considering the totality of its actions and the implications of its actions, but accepting and allowing itself to be but a little robot, subject to impulses from its environment.
I forgive myself for not acceptng and allowing myself to see and realise that my proteins and any entities within my body can never be anything more than a robot acting upon impulses with no directive will of their own, if this is who I am - and therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and have become nothing more than a robot that has no awareness of who it is and how its actions impact on its environment and even on itself, where its actions are determined by impulses from the enviroment and how the robot has been taught/taught itself to interpret the information from the impulses, after which the actions are merely a result from 'if this then that' equations.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that within not being a self-directive being in being able to determine one's actions in consideration of what is best for all, I am abdicating my power to other beings or entities to take advantage of the spaces within myself wherein I am not directing myself in full awareness in every moment - and thus, giving them permission to become the directive principle within myself, my life and my world - and thus, if I am being taken advantage of I am merely facing my own creation as the consequence for not standing equal and one to absolute responsibility within all areas and aspects of life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I am unable to take absolute responsibility within all areas and aspects of life and that I am just too limited, just one little human - within this imposing absolute limitation unto myself, trying to affirm and re-affirm that all I can be is a tiny insignificant piece of consciousness that just plays its role as a character in this world - all, with the hidden agenda of not having to take responsibility - because if I claim that I am unable to, I am apparently absolved of any form of responsibility, accountability and duty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for the protein being manipulated, as though it is an innocent victim of a crime against its free will - when, in fact, the manipulation itself taking place shows that the protein has no free will to begin with and thus, the virus merely acted within the freedom that it was given through the protein's acceptance and allowance as what the protein didn't for himself direct and take responsibility for.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that as long as manipulation exists, that it is proven that free will does not exist in this world.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that it is impossible to speak of free will, if I am not even aware of every cell and entity living within, forming part of and sustaining my human physical body - as anything I would 'will' in such a context, would come from a place of limitation and thus, cannot be free.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself and my body in relation the picture of what my body looks like on the outside as the outside form/shape/colours that I perceive with my eyes or in a reflection in the mirror - instead of seeing, realising and understanding that my body is an entire universe, comprised of cells that are an entire universe each by themselves - and thus that I have never really known, understood, realised or acknowledged my human physical body for what it is, how it functions and how it exists - but have totally taken it for granted and merely lashed out on it whenever I was not satisfied with the picture, not realising that anything I see or feel within my human physical body is a consequence of my being a corrupt God of various physical universes, where I have enslaved my body to my mind, where any regard for life has been banned and thus, the universe and everything it comprises of is suffering, because its God has made a deal with the Devil.
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This blog is a continuation to
Day 72: My Body, My Battlefield,
Day 73: Afraid of Petrification
Specific points of fear I identified in relation to watching an episode of 'Curiosity' on what happens on a cellular level when a virus attacks the human body:
1. A secret intruder/a lurking evil
2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells
3. The complete take-over of a cell, where 'who the cell originally was' becomes non-existent and becomes an incubator for little virus babies
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction
6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction
2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear to seeing how the virus deceives and cons the cells of the human body to its own advantage.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear deception in others out of fear of being placed in a position of disadvantage and inferiority.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that one of my first experiences of deception was in friendships - where I would expect a friend to stand by me, but didn't - or when a friend made a comment about me that I found to be mean/nasty - and my experience within those moments that I experienced as 'deceit', I would experience myself as powerless, betrayed, hurt, inferior, lied to, sad, ashamed, embarrassed, self-conscious and diminished.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to be conned/deceived by others out of fear of feeling powerless, betrayed, hurt, inferior, lied to, sad, ashamed, embarrased, self-conscious and diminished.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that the reason I fear to be deceived or conned by another is only out of fear of how I would experience myself after finding out that I have been deceived - as experiencing powerless, betrayed, hurt, inferior, lied to, sad, ashamed, embarrassed, self-conscious and diminised.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in continuous distrust of others because the possibility always exists that someone deceives/cons me - and therefore, always be 'on guard' and as though wearing an imaginative armour, where I suppress everything within myself out of fear of my own experience in case I were to be conned/deceived - so that I would apparently not be 'touched' or 'affected' by it - when actually, I am, but just suppress the experience - both to not feel it as well as to not show the other I am feeling it, because I feel/believe that if the other knows, it will make my experience ten times worse, as though I am giving the conner/deceiver what he/she wants.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that the reason why I know that I can be conned/deceived at any moment, is because I do this myself as well - where I will con/deceive others to see me in a particular way or con/deceive myself into not having to face myself or take responsibilities - even conning and deceiving in ways that I am not aware of it - the ULTIMATE CON - lol - and thus, that the only way to stop the continuous mutual fear that exists among beings in relation to each other - is to stop the deceptive nature within myself - to stop the chain reaction and feedback loop of 'con or be conned' - and stand as the point of change that can have a domino-effect on those around me by standing as an example of self-trust and thus, in turn, if each one develops their own self-trust, we may learn to trust each other.
To be continued.
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