This blog is a continuation to:
Dag 94: Spontaneity vs. Impulsiveness - What does it Mean to Live in the Moment?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live through others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give others the responsibility of making my life interesting and successful through me living through others' actions, experiences, endeavours and accomplishments.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an experience of hope when I would see others jumping into the deep end as they took on a particular project or endeavour - like, submerging themselves within it entirely and completely - because I believed that this is something that was impossible, believing it was impossible because I was afraid of losing myself, of losing control.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always hold myself back and never allow myself to pursue a point entirely and completely out of fear of losing myself and out of fear of losing control.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to lose myself, instead of realising that i am me and therefore, how can I ever lose myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to lose control, instead of realising that control is a Con and turns me into a Troll - because instead of supporting the expression and flow of life, I would only support suppression, constriction and limitation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disappointed when I see another person give up on the point they were just so enthusiastic and passionate about.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up expectations about what MY Life will be like if the other person pursues a particular point to completion and how I will be able to just benefit off of their efforts - and therefore, become disappointed when they would give up pursuing the point, because that means all my expectations would no tbe fulfilled and my life would not change in any significant way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect others to fix my life or make my life more exciting.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect others to carry me through the necessary changes to be made in my life.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be willing to 'put myself out there' and test the point of change for myself - but wait for others to first explore it and only once I think/believe it is safe, to implement the change in my own life.
I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself to immediately react in fear when faced with a point of change - whether it is a small or a big change - because I think/believe that everything that is in place at the moment works and is safe - and therefore, think/believe that if something were to change, that things may become more difficult or may involve more of some kind of perceived danger.
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I've had several people asking how to make a self-honest decision - like, how can they be sure that the decision they make is self-honest. See - the tendency exists to try to make decisions in one's mind, where reasons for one or the other way are floating around in one's mind and one cannot really see clearly. The mind will continuously jump from one side to the other, from one reason to the other, creating confusion, doubt and fear.
The method I use, especially with decisions that involve a lot of fear - where the mind perceives it has a lot to lose if one goes for 'Door 1' or 'Door 2' - to make the decision-making process a practical one. Practical - meaning: to not try/attempt to make a decision in one's mind - because herein one will never see where one is self-honest and where one is not. Therefore - here is a suggested method:
To take a piece of paper and make two columns. Let's say the decision pertains to moving in with someone or staying to live by oneself. A decision has to be made between:
Option 1: Moving in with X
Option 2: Living by myself
Once you have established what options are involved in your decision - you write at the top of the first column 'Moving in with X' - or whatever your first option is - and 'Living by myself' - or whatever your second option is - at the top of the second column. Then strike a horizontal line underneath those words, accross both columns.
Then - under the horizontal line, in column one - you list all the reasons that come to mind of why you would go for Option 1 - or in our example: why you would Move in with X. This can be for instance:
- I'll have more fun living with another person
- I need someone to help me financially
- I deserve to have the experience of having a roommate
- Then I don't have to miss X when I'm home
- etc.
Once you've listed all the reasons that come to mind in relation to Moving in with X (or your Option 1), do the same for Option 2.
IMPORTANT: Within Identifying the reasons that come to mind in relation to Option 1 or Option 2 - be Absolutely Self-Honest. Meaning: Don't leave anything out - even if it only pops up for a tiny second and then you go 'nah, that's not really a reason' - go back - and add the reason in. The fact that it came up means that on some level it does influence and impact your decision-making process.
Once you have listed all your reasons for either Moving in with X or staying ot live by yourself, take one reason at a time and unconditionally apply Self-Forgiveness on any point of self-dishonesty that you can identify within that particular reason for either chosing for Option 1 or Option 2. Once you have cleared the first reason of all Self-Dishonesty (after which you may or may not have debunked the reason altogether), you repeat the same process of self-forgiveness with every other reason on your piece of paper.
After your self-forgiveness, you'll find that most of the reasons you wrote down on your piece of paper were not actually self-honest reasons but were merely justifications used to try and convince yourself that either Option 1 or Option 2 is the right thing to do. So - after your self-forgiveness, you'll be able to identify which reasons are valid considerations and which are not. If you're lucky, you'll only have one valid reason - which makes your decision-making easy, because then you simply look at which column the reason is in and you see which option would be self-honest. If you have several options to consider, you can now do so without the other reasons floating around in the background, which 'clog' your view and make it difficult to see the trees through the forest.
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