Showing posts with label accomplishment. Show all posts

Day 141: Pride - The Root of All Sin?


When working with the tools introduced in SRA2 course of Desteni I Process, you’ll be pushed to see those aspects of yourself that you have lived out as yourself to such an extent that it is hard to identify them.

For me, the point that was revealed in this way was ‘Pride’. Someone had mentioned it to me before, that pride is one of my defining characters/characteristics – but I couldn’t relate to it AT ALL. Even when writing about it, what I was able to uncover was very superficial. It was only within using the tools I had learned in SRA2 and someone pointing at one sentence showing how that was a statement/expression of pride, that I could suddenly see it. It was literally as though I was blinded to that part of myself – but once it was shown to me how I lived pride in one specific moments, I could suddenly see it all over my writing, my behavior, my relationship with myself and others – like a veil lifting and for the first time meeting this part of myself – and then being astounded at seeing it to be one of the main characters I participate in and live out that in fact creates conflict and separation, but which I assumed was simply ‘a part of myself’ or that I had justified to such an extent that I couldn’t see it for what it was.

My understanding and ‘opinion’ of pride has always been that it is harmless. In Christianity, pride is one of the seven deadly sins – pride is even called ‘the root of all sin’. But why? What was so terrible about pride that it gained that status? For me, pride was about ‘being proud of myself’, especially when I had accomplished something successfully – then I’d be proud about what I had achieved and feel good about myself. What’s so bad about that? Others were proud of me when I had done something well, and would say ‘well done’ or ‘I’m proud of you, girl’. So, why shouldn’t I be proud of myself? Isn’t it *just* me congratulating myself, giving myself a pat on the back? Lol.

It seemed to be that pride was something desirable – it’s something I believed was how I was supposed to reward myself, in the same way I would be rewarded by parents and teachers whenever I had done something ‘right’ or ‘good’ or ‘well’ – then you get to be placed in the limelight, on a pedestal for a moment – with everyone admiring and congratulating you for what you’ve done. It was so much part of my world that I never questioned it, let alone regard it as ‘the root of all sin’.

But there is another ‘meaning’ of pride that is referred to when talking about pride as a sin. In that context, it seems to be more about a person being self-centered and looking down on others – where pride stands in the way of cooperation and communication, of working together to find solutions that are best for all.

So, in my blogs to come I’ll be exploring the dimensions of how I have existed and Pride and what the relationship is between pride in the two meanings of the word as I introduced in this blog.
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Day 95: Riding on the Wave of Others' Change


This blog is a continuation to:
Dag 94: Spontaneity vs. Impulsiveness - What does it Mean to Live in the Moment?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live through others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give others the responsibility of making my life interesting and successful through me living through others' actions, experiences, endeavours and accomplishments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an experience of hope when I would see others jumping into the deep end as they took on a particular project or endeavour - like, submerging themselves within it entirely and completely - because I believed that this is something that was impossible, believing it was impossible because I was afraid of losing myself, of losing control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always hold myself back and never allow myself to pursue a point entirely and completely out of fear of losing myself and out of fear of losing control.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to lose myself, instead of realising that i am me and therefore, how can I ever lose myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to lose control, instead of realising that control is a Con and turns me into a Troll - because instead of supporting the expression and flow of life, I would only support suppression, constriction and limitation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disappointed when I see another person give up on the point they were just so enthusiastic and passionate about.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up expectations about what MY Life will be like if the other person pursues a particular point to completion and how I will be able to just benefit off of their efforts - and therefore, become disappointed when they would give up pursuing the point, because that means all my expectations would no tbe fulfilled and my life would not change in any significant way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect others to fix my life or make my life more exciting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect others to carry me through the necessary changes to be made in my life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be willing to 'put myself out there' and test the point of change for myself - but wait for others to first explore it and only once I think/believe it is safe, to implement the change in my own life.

I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself to immediately react in fear when faced with a point of change - whether it is a small or a big change - because I think/believe that everything that is in place at the moment works and is safe - and therefore, think/believe that if something were to change, that things may become more difficult or may involve more of some kind of perceived danger.


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