I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be completely unaware of my physical body as I have no clue and direct experience of all the activities and existence of all the proteins, vitamins, cells, viruses, etc. that exist and move within my body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my physical body to such an extent that I am completely 'locked out' of any direct experience and awareness of how my body operates on a cellular level.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a bubble/space within my mind where I experience some form of 'self-awareness' in absolute limitation - and accept this limited form of 'self-awareness' to be sufficient and all there is to be aware of.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to develop awareness of my body through knowledge - not realising that knowledge is merely information in my mind and has nothing to do with direct seeing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is impossible to be aware of every cell of my human body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to confuse awareness with thoughts - thinking/believing that to be aware of each and every cell and each and every lifeform within each cell means that I would have millions of thoughts in relation to every cell and lifeform within my body - and then think that this would be too overwhelming and therefore, give up on expanding my self-awareness based on a thought.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear war breaking out from the moment I found out about wars in the past.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - as soon as I imagined a war breaking out and me experiencing it - project an image of chaos, destruction, sceams, soldiers, gunfire, explosions and an experience of absolute petrification.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realise that I fear war because I connect war to fear/petrification and thus - I fear war because I fear fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear petrification and fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that someone may secretly intrude into my house or my room.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a lurking evil - because I imagine that the moment I become aware of the evil, I will react in intense fear/petrification - and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a lurking evil because I fear my own fear.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realise that I am afraid of my own experience.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that evil lurks within and as who I am in every single secret thought of dishonesty that dishonours life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a lurking evil amongst other lifeforms for as long as I am not 100% trustworthy to act in accordance to what is best for all in every single moment.
To be continued.
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This blog-post is a continuation to:
Dag 62: De grens tussen droom en werkelijkheid
and
Day 63: Trading Reality for a Dream
When and as I see that someone is attempting to wake up and I am attempting to superimpose my dream unto reality - I stop, I breathe, I realise that I am trying to escape being self-resopnsible and therefore try to cling unto my dream so as to have the excuse that I was just in a mental state wherein was incapable of being self-responsible. Therefore, I commit myself to let go of the dream, breathe myself into my body, open my eyes, become aware of my environment and my physical body - and interact within the physical.
When and as I see myself, in the moment of waking up and being confused about what is dream and what is reality, yet having a slight awareness that I am in that moment waking up/being woken up and see myself leaning towards ignoring this awareness and choosing to be confused - I stop, I breathe - I realise that this is an act of deliberate spitefulness and dishonesty. Therefore, I commit myself to expand my self-awareness in one moment to encompass myself, my physical body and my physical environment.
When and as I see myself trying to use the excuse that I was not awake yet and therefore cannot be held accountable for my actions - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I am responsible for the very state of mind that I use as an excuse for my behaviour and thus, that ultimately, I am always responsible. Therefore, I commit myself to stop the excuse and take responsibility for who I was in the moment of waking up in the manner that is required to be done in the context of that specific moment.
When and as I see myself wanting to in some way hide from reality, myself and self-responsibility - I stop, I breathe - I realise that there is no way to escape reality, there is no way to escape myself and there is no way to escape self-responsibility and that any attempt to will merely create unpleasant consequences for me to face at a later time. Therefore - I commit myself to let go of the resistance towards self-responsibility and embrace it as who I am.
When and as I see myself playing with strands of information in my mind that I was presented with/studied during my day, in the moment before going to bed - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I don't require to hold on to the information for me to be able to access it. Therefore, I breathe and physically let go of the information and knowledge so that I am clear before going to bed and don't create any unnecessary experiences during my sleep or the next day, as well not creating unnecessary discomfort in my body where the information/knowledge would be stored.
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