It's been more than a year since the 7 Year Journey to Life started and so - I'm here in this blog looking back and assessing my application in the first year.
What is the Journey to Life about? It's a process wherein those walking are taking responsibility for themselves - taking responsibility for who they are, for their inner creation. It's a process of investigating and addressing every single thought, emotion, feeling that exists in our minds - that float up and that we believe is actually us, and that we actually believe have our best interests at heart - and yet, when actually investigating the nature of these emotions, feelings, thoughts, interpretations, beliefs, perceptions, ideas - and how we created them through tracing back the memories from which we developed set behavioral patterns - we invariably find the ironic oposite: that none of what the mind presents us ever in our best interest, but actually are a sign of gross self-deception, self-limitation, self-delusion and self-sabotage.
Within and through walking this process publically - for all to see - in a series of personal blogs - the process stretches further than self-responsibility - it is a process of establishing integrity - showing that it is possible for people to have integrity and showing how it can be done. Herein, one can see through a person's writings whether you can trust the person or not.
So - after a year of the 7 Year Journey - I look back at my own application and find that I have failed myself within what this process is about. I find that I have not disciplined myself within daily writing where I take a moment every day to make time for myself in taking responsibility for who I am, what I have accepted and allowed, tracing it back to the origin-points and writing practical solutions for myself as a guide or platform from which to live the correction.
I too often accepted excuses and justifications to not move myself within this discipline-point. Herein I look back to the start of my process and how I used to vigorously write daily - and thoroughly enjoy it - it was the most exciting thing I'd ever done - whereas within this first year of the Journey to Life, I've approached it as an obligation, a task - wherein I immediately place myself in a position of resistance and 'not wanting to do it'. I've also used the part of my process wherein I was disciplined within my writing as an additional excuse that 'I've already done this, I've already proven to myself that I can do it' - but, self-honestly, if it is not a consistent point, then how can I trust that it is real - then how can I trust that it is me moving myself - if I cannot sustain the movement myself?
And it is not only about daily writing - it is about pushing myself to specify my writing - to go beyond where I am, to expand myself, to explore farther. Within this I've seen that I've become 'content' with where I am within my process - where I have shifted my priority from dedication to life to leading my own comfortable life. Having overcome major obstacles within myself I feel like 'I'm mostly done now' and that I'm wlling to 'settle' now - settle for less - I've helped myself to get to a 'better place' within myself - yet, when it comes to now expanding my skills, specificy and responsibility to be able to stand as a trustworthy, influential and powerful point within this world in order to assist and support every life form - dedication suddenly lost its appeal and I've been slacking within my process. I've been taking my environment for granted, I've taken the people around me for granted, I've taken the Desteni group of support for granted, I've taken the animals that support me for granted. From walking towards become a living expression and participant within myself, my environment, my world - I've started managing myself, my environment and my world.
In hiding behind past achievements and accomplishments, I didn't see how I started fading and retracting from my position of effectiveness.
So, herewith, I re-commit and re-dedicate myself towards life.
I re-commit and re-dedicate myself towards walking the 7 Year Journey to Nothingness effectively - in order to continue manifesting fundamental and substantial change within myself and no longer settle and compromise myself and others in taking for granted the opportunity I have here - wherein my first responsibility is to write myself to freedom.
Time to get back to humbleness, time to get back to self-honesty and not waste any more breaths.
Thank you for reading.
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I've had several people asking how to make a self-honest decision - like, how can they be sure that the decision they make is self-honest. See - the tendency exists to try to make decisions in one's mind, where reasons for one or the other way are floating around in one's mind and one cannot really see clearly. The mind will continuously jump from one side to the other, from one reason to the other, creating confusion, doubt and fear.
The method I use, especially with decisions that involve a lot of fear - where the mind perceives it has a lot to lose if one goes for 'Door 1' or 'Door 2' - to make the decision-making process a practical one. Practical - meaning: to not try/attempt to make a decision in one's mind - because herein one will never see where one is self-honest and where one is not. Therefore - here is a suggested method:
To take a piece of paper and make two columns. Let's say the decision pertains to moving in with someone or staying to live by oneself. A decision has to be made between:
Option 1: Moving in with X
Option 2: Living by myself
Once you have established what options are involved in your decision - you write at the top of the first column 'Moving in with X' - or whatever your first option is - and 'Living by myself' - or whatever your second option is - at the top of the second column. Then strike a horizontal line underneath those words, accross both columns.
Then - under the horizontal line, in column one - you list all the reasons that come to mind of why you would go for Option 1 - or in our example: why you would Move in with X. This can be for instance:
- I'll have more fun living with another person
- I need someone to help me financially
- I deserve to have the experience of having a roommate
- Then I don't have to miss X when I'm home
- etc.
Once you've listed all the reasons that come to mind in relation to Moving in with X (or your Option 1), do the same for Option 2.
IMPORTANT: Within Identifying the reasons that come to mind in relation to Option 1 or Option 2 - be Absolutely Self-Honest. Meaning: Don't leave anything out - even if it only pops up for a tiny second and then you go 'nah, that's not really a reason' - go back - and add the reason in. The fact that it came up means that on some level it does influence and impact your decision-making process.
Once you have listed all your reasons for either Moving in with X or staying ot live by yourself, take one reason at a time and unconditionally apply Self-Forgiveness on any point of self-dishonesty that you can identify within that particular reason for either chosing for Option 1 or Option 2. Once you have cleared the first reason of all Self-Dishonesty (after which you may or may not have debunked the reason altogether), you repeat the same process of self-forgiveness with every other reason on your piece of paper.
After your self-forgiveness, you'll find that most of the reasons you wrote down on your piece of paper were not actually self-honest reasons but were merely justifications used to try and convince yourself that either Option 1 or Option 2 is the right thing to do. So - after your self-forgiveness, you'll be able to identify which reasons are valid considerations and which are not. If you're lucky, you'll only have one valid reason - which makes your decision-making easy, because then you simply look at which column the reason is in and you see which option would be self-honest. If you have several options to consider, you can now do so without the other reasons floating around in the background, which 'clog' your view and make it difficult to see the trees through the forest.
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When sitting down with yourself and wanting to write to assist and support yourself, it sometimes happens that suddenly the mind starts throwing up all kinds of thoughts, emotions, feelings, memories, pictures and one starts feeling overwhelmed as though facing a storm, a tsunami of mind-crap. From my experience this usually happens when I have already been postponing to write for some time, where, instead of writing on a daily basis and working through the reactions and experiences that came up throughout that day, I’ve been accumulating everything inside myself for days – and then when I take a moment to sit with myself, it is like everything comes up all at once and I can’t see the beginning or the end of it.
In those moments it is easy to feel so overwhelmed by the mind that one just gives up and gives in to the mind, and instead of facing the Tsunami and working through it – to just stop right there, lock everything back inside and continue to ignore it. Obviously, the only thing that will happen then is that the inner Tsunami will only grow bigger and bigger and the harder it will become to eventually work through the points.
What I have done in those moments – where I see my mind is so active and so many experiences and points come up all at once and I can’t seem to be able to write about anything as the whole experience just seems too vast – is the following:
Before I write I just sit with myself and I breathe – 4 counts in, 4 counts hold, 4 counts out, 4 counts hold – this assists in slowing myself down and if you apply this breathing technique yourself, you’ll find that the Tsunami inside will slow down to a little stream. Then, I try to identify one point in the stream – just one – it doesn’t matter what it is, it doesn’t matter if it seems like a ‘beginning’ or not – it can be a random memory, it can be a picture, it can be a word, it can be a feeling or an emotion, or a thought – just identify one point of the stream. Once I’ve done that, I apply self-forgiveness on that one point – spoken, out loud – until I see that I don’t experience any more reactions towards this one point and it stands clear inside myself. Then I go back to the stream and identify the next point – again, applying self-forgiveness spoken out loud – until the point is clear.
When applying self-forgiveness on a point that you’ve identified of the stream it is important to stick to your self-forgiveness application and not allow the mind to start engaging with what you’re doing, where you start analysing the point and start thinking about it or thinking about whether your self-forgiveness application is effective. If you notice such mind-activity – just forgive it as well. Then go back to the point you were applying self-forgiveness on and continue with it until the point stands clear within self.
When the mind is so active within self that you experience a Tsunami and we work through it with first breathing it down to a stream and then working through each point in spoken self-forgiveness, don’t worry about trying to make sense of the experience or trying to see the beginning and the end of the constructs – just stick to applying self-forgiveness and allow the self-forgiveness to flow – because when the mind is so active you’ll find that it is hard to really take on a construct and investigate it in writing as the mind will keep on interfering and try to ‘pull you off course’ so to speak – where eventually the writing will be done from a mind-starting point in terms of trying to ‘make sense’ of an experience, where you’ll try to force understanding and insights by in essence, making something up, instead of allowing self to see direct what happened. This direct seeing of how something exists within and as self can be done through writing only when one is silent and able to focus on just self here with the one point in front of self – not when the mind is racing like a Tsunami and one tries to steer a course in de midst of it. So – before writing, one has to take on the Tsunami head on through first doing the 4-count-breath application where slowly but surely the Tsunami will not appear so overwhelming, but will slow down to a ‘manageable’ stream. From there, we identify one point of the stream and apply self-forgiveness until that one point stands clear within and as self. Then we identify another point and continue with this self-forgiveness application until everything in and of self is dark and silent. In this darkness and in this silence, self is ready to write about a point self experienced throughout the day and open it up in self-intimacy where self will see what self did and how the point exists within and as self.
As one speaks self-forgiveness out-loud, again, don’t think of what self-forgiveness statement to speak next. Once you’ve identified one point, you hold it within self and you’ll be able to feel physical reactions within the body. Zoom in to those physical experiences and see what they are showing you in terms of your reactions and your relationship towards the point you’re working with. How to do this is by placing/translating the physical experiences into words and then apply self-forgiveness from there. For instance – if the point you’ve identified of the stream is the word ‘friends’ – and when you hold that word within and as the totality of you and breathe, you find that your chest starts tightening, for instance. Then you zoom in/focus on that physical experience of the tightening of the chest and see how you can place it into words. For instance, when looking at the experience of the tightening of the chest, you feel that it is constricting you. Then from there, you apply self-forgiveness on how you’ve accepted and allowed yourself to constrict yourself and your expression in the presence of friends and/or how you’ve constricted yourself in who you are and how you present yourself so as to be able to please your friends and fit in. For instance:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constrict myself when I am in the presence of my friends.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when I am in the presence of my friends, present myself as someone I am not in order to please my friends and fit in with them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself and my expression by only allowing myself to express myself in such a way that my friends will approve of so that I can be accepted and validated by them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself in and as the belief that I need and require others to accept and validate me – instead of realising and accepting that I have to validate myself, I have to accept myself – and realising and accepting that I can validate myself and i can accept myself.
If you then feel the tightening in your chest loosening up, you can make self-corrective statements. For instance:
I realise and accept that it is for me to validate myself and for me to accept myself. When and as I see myself looking for acceptance and validation from my friends by presenting and expressing myself as someone I’m not – I stop, I breathe – I embrace myself inside myself and allow myself to express myself as me in self-comfortability without worrying about what my friends will think, I share myself with my friends as who I truly am.
Then you check if there is any other points related to the word ‘friends’ within and as self – by again holding the word within and as the totality of you and seeing if there are any reactions. It might be that you feel a pressure in your solar plexus, for instance – then you know that there is more in relation to the word ‘friends’ that requires to be forgiven and released before moving on to the next point. So, you apply the same technique of zooming in to the pressure and seeing how to place the experience into words. When zooming in on the pressure in the solar plexus, you may find that you experience a mix of anxiety and sadness – then you apply self-forgiveness on the experiences of anxiety and sadness in relation to friends – until the pressure in the solar plexus released. Then you make self-corrective statements. And so you continue with the point of ‘friends’ until you can hold it within and as the totality of you and there are no reactions to the word. Then you let it go and have a look at the stream again. You’ll see that as you work with one point of the ‘stream’, the ‘stream’ itself kind of moves to the background so that you can focus on this one point. Then when this one point is cleared up, you bring the stream back to the foreground to identify another point to work with.
And so you continue, until you’ve cleared up all points in/of the stream and everything is dark and silent within and as self – no movements, no reactions, no uncomfortabilities – just self, here, breathing. From here, one can then write about a point one experienced throughout the day, or a particular memory one has been wanting to investigate, etc. Where self will then be able to just write and in the writing, see what happened. And within the writing as well, one can use the body as a guide, where – if one starts feeling a physical uncomfortability as one is writing, stop for a moment and have a look at where you’re leaving points out or misrepresenting some information or not being entirely honest with yourself.
So – this is an overview as a suggestion of how to work and walk through the Tsunami of the mind before being able to write with, for and as self. To re-cap:
1. Apply the 4-count-breath technique until the Tsunami slows down to a stream
2. Identify one point, any point of the stream
3. Apply self-forgiveness on the identified point
4. If you find the mind trying to engage with thoughts, etc. – forgive those thoughts as well
5. If you find you’re having difficulty within your self-forgiveness application, where you start thinking about how to phrase your next self-forgiveness sentence – hold the point you’re working with in and as the totality of you and breathe . See what physical reactions/uncomfortabilities you can feel. Zoom into the physical uncomfortability and place it in words. Apply self-forgiveness from there. When the physical uncomfortability clears up, make self-corrective statements. Continue to do this with all points of physical uncomfortability until the point stands clear within and as self.
6. Bring ‘the stream’ back to the foreground and repeat steps 2 to 5 until the everything in and as self is dark and silent
7. Write.
If you have any questions or feedback, please leave a comment!
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