This blog-post is a continuation to:
Dag 62: De grens tussen droom en werkelijkheid
and
Day 63: Trading Reality for a Dream
When and as I see that someone is attempting to wake up and I am attempting to superimpose my dream unto reality - I stop, I breathe, I realise that I am trying to escape being self-resopnsible and therefore try to cling unto my dream so as to have the excuse that I was just in a mental state wherein was incapable of being self-responsible. Therefore, I commit myself to let go of the dream, breathe myself into my body, open my eyes, become aware of my environment and my physical body - and interact within the physical.
When and as I see myself, in the moment of waking up and being confused about what is dream and what is reality, yet having a slight awareness that I am in that moment waking up/being woken up and see myself leaning towards ignoring this awareness and choosing to be confused - I stop, I breathe - I realise that this is an act of deliberate spitefulness and dishonesty. Therefore, I commit myself to expand my self-awareness in one moment to encompass myself, my physical body and my physical environment.
When and as I see myself trying to use the excuse that I was not awake yet and therefore cannot be held accountable for my actions - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I am responsible for the very state of mind that I use as an excuse for my behaviour and thus, that ultimately, I am always responsible. Therefore, I commit myself to stop the excuse and take responsibility for who I was in the moment of waking up in the manner that is required to be done in the context of that specific moment.
When and as I see myself wanting to in some way hide from reality, myself and self-responsibility - I stop, I breathe - I realise that there is no way to escape reality, there is no way to escape myself and there is no way to escape self-responsibility and that any attempt to will merely create unpleasant consequences for me to face at a later time. Therefore - I commit myself to let go of the resistance towards self-responsibility and embrace it as who I am.
When and as I see myself playing with strands of information in my mind that I was presented with/studied during my day, in the moment before going to bed - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I don't require to hold on to the information for me to be able to access it. Therefore, I breathe and physically let go of the information and knowledge so that I am clear before going to bed and don't create any unnecessary experiences during my sleep or the next day, as well not creating unnecessary discomfort in my body where the information/knowledge would be stored.
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This blog-post is a continuation to Dag 62: De grens tussen droom en werkelijkheid
(I only realised when I was halfway done that I was supposed to write in Dutch, so - sorry about that! Lol.)
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to wake up in one breath when I see someone is trying to wake me - where I use the excuse/justification of 'I'm still waking up' as to why it's okay to indulge in my mind and participate in thoughts, interpretations and projections.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame sleepiness and drowsiness for not being aware and not being here, fully present and able to interact with my environment effectively.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beieve that there are moments where I am simply unable to be self-responsible because of my state of being or state of mind - instead of seeing/realising/understanding that I am responsible for this very state of being/state of mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be able to have moments during my day or my life where I can just say 'fuck it' - I don't have to direct myself or be responsible right now - I can just throw everything out of the window - and I get to entertain myself in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse/justification that 'I couldn't tell the difference between dream and reality as I was just waking up' - when in actual fact, there is a slight awareness where I can tell that someone is trying to wake me up - and thus, that it's time for me to take a nice deep breath and stand up from within my dream-state and into my physical body, so that I can participate in physical reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to knowledge and information that I was presented with/that I studied the previous day - instead of letting it go at night/in the evening before going to bed - so that my mind doesn't have tons of random strings of information that it can entertain itself with - conjuring up conspiracies where there aren't any and where I actually feel like an injustice is being done unto me - all because I interpreted reality through knowledge and information.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to store random pieces of knowledge and information without giving it any direction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing spitefulness to exist within and as myself and to participate within and as it, in moments where - in spite of seeing for a split second what is happening in someone trying to wake me up - that I deliberately choose to try to go back into my dream and then, mix my dream and reality to not have to be awake, and thus, to not have to be responsible.
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