This blog is a continuation to
Day 72: My Body, My Battlefield,
Day 73: Afraid of Petrification,
Day 74: Con or Be Conned - The Social Law of Human Behaviour?,
Day 76: The Mind as a Parasite Virus
Specific points of fear I identified in relation to watching an episode of 'Curiosity' on what happens on a cellular level when a virus attacks the human body:
1. A secret intruder/a lurking evil
2. The conning and deceiving of the body's cells
3. The complete take-over of a cell, where 'who the cell originally was' becomes non-existent and becomes an incubator for little virus babies
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
5. The ruthlessness/mercilessness in instant destruction
6. The singlemindedness of having one singular goal of destruction
4. The manipulation of 'innocent' proteins
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear towards seeing how a virus manipulates what I perceive as 'innocent' proteins to do its bidding.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question how the protein on some level is allowing the manipulation and simply acting according to certain impulses and 'if this then that' equations, without fully considering the totality of its actions and the implications of its actions, but accepting and allowing itself to be but a little robot, subject to impulses from its environment.
I forgive myself for not acceptng and allowing myself to see and realise that my proteins and any entities within my body can never be anything more than a robot acting upon impulses with no directive will of their own, if this is who I am - and therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and have become nothing more than a robot that has no awareness of who it is and how its actions impact on its environment and even on itself, where its actions are determined by impulses from the enviroment and how the robot has been taught/taught itself to interpret the information from the impulses, after which the actions are merely a result from 'if this then that' equations.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that within not being a self-directive being in being able to determine one's actions in consideration of what is best for all, I am abdicating my power to other beings or entities to take advantage of the spaces within myself wherein I am not directing myself in full awareness in every moment - and thus, giving them permission to become the directive principle within myself, my life and my world - and thus, if I am being taken advantage of I am merely facing my own creation as the consequence for not standing equal and one to absolute responsibility within all areas and aspects of life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I am unable to take absolute responsibility within all areas and aspects of life and that I am just too limited, just one little human - within this imposing absolute limitation unto myself, trying to affirm and re-affirm that all I can be is a tiny insignificant piece of consciousness that just plays its role as a character in this world - all, with the hidden agenda of not having to take responsibility - because if I claim that I am unable to, I am apparently absolved of any form of responsibility, accountability and duty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for the protein being manipulated, as though it is an innocent victim of a crime against its free will - when, in fact, the manipulation itself taking place shows that the protein has no free will to begin with and thus, the virus merely acted within the freedom that it was given through the protein's acceptance and allowance as what the protein didn't for himself direct and take responsibility for.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that as long as manipulation exists, that it is proven that free will does not exist in this world.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that it is impossible to speak of free will, if I am not even aware of every cell and entity living within, forming part of and sustaining my human physical body - as anything I would 'will' in such a context, would come from a place of limitation and thus, cannot be free.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself and my body in relation the picture of what my body looks like on the outside as the outside form/shape/colours that I perceive with my eyes or in a reflection in the mirror - instead of seeing, realising and understanding that my body is an entire universe, comprised of cells that are an entire universe each by themselves - and thus that I have never really known, understood, realised or acknowledged my human physical body for what it is, how it functions and how it exists - but have totally taken it for granted and merely lashed out on it whenever I was not satisfied with the picture, not realising that anything I see or feel within my human physical body is a consequence of my being a corrupt God of various physical universes, where I have enslaved my body to my mind, where any regard for life has been banned and thus, the universe and everything it comprises of is suffering, because its God has made a deal with the Devil.
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to lead a ‘normal’ ordinary life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the desire to lead a normal ordinary life to exist as a backdoor within me to not complete my process, but walk away from any responsibilities.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to walk away from responsibilities, because I 
believe that having responsibilities makes my life hard and difficult.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that responsibilities in and of themselves are not hard and difficult, it is only the resistance of taking responsibility and the fear of not being effective within my responsibilities that create the perception that the responsibilities within and of themselves are hard and difficult.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being ineffective within my responsibilities.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to fail within my responsibilities.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect leading an ordinary life to a life without stress, expectations or responsibilities.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that beings leading a ‘standard’ life in terms of job, partner, kids don’t experience stress, don’t have to deal with expectations and don’t feel burdened with responsibilities.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the desire to live an ordinary life to exist as a temptation in the back of my mind, as a voice saying: ‘you don’t have to do this, you know, you could just do what eeeeeverybody else does: just sit back and enjoy the ride!’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is easier to live life with my mind being in control.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to abdicate any responsibility towards life, to my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is hard to direct myself and apply myself consistently within the process of stopping the mind and creating and designing myself to be and become a living expression that is actually worthwhile living.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to – when I think of just giving it all up and going to lead an ‘ordinary life’ – feel as though a weight lifts off my shoulders and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that leading an ordinary life has actually something to do with this experience of relief.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to romanticise ‘the ordinary life’ in my mind through picturing it as a peaceful and quiet existence, while I come from an ordinary life and it was anything but peaceful and quiet – it was filled with confusion, conflict, frustration and depression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can change my lifestyle in such a way that I won’t have to take responsibility or face confusion, conflict, frustration and depression.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that no matter what ‘type’ of life I lead – I am the one leading it, I take myself with me – and thus, no matter where I am, I will always have to face myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish that I could just forget about everything I have learned in the past few years so that I could go back to a life of ‘blissful ignorance’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that a life of bliss actually exists in this world.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that the voice in my mind tempting me to simply walk away and take the ‘easy road’ is not real, but merely a program of the mind, designed to keep me enslaved to my mind, to ensure that I never actually realise myself, that I never actually stand up.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing backdoors to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself through accepting and allowing backdoors to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to just breathe through these ‘thoughts of temptation’, but instead participate in them, consider them and empower them – and in that kid and con myself into a state of delusion.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to consider to allow just one thought to throw me off my feet.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider that a thought is superior to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that thoughts are superior to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my thoughts know what’s best for me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my mind knows what’s best for me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust my mind absolutely.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have developed my most intimate and trusting relationship with my mind while completely disregarding myself or the actual physical reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define intimacy within having secret thoughts in my mind – where it’s ‘just me and my thoughts’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that intimacy exists within hiding secrets and having backchat.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be intimate with myself and develop a consistent effective intimate relationship with myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my mind has always been there for me and that it has ‘proven itself trustworthy’ over time – where my mind has proven ‘useful’ in deceiving others in order to control the situation and manipulate it to what I want to experience/have happen.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define effective relationships in terms of their ability to ensure my survival as a mind and mind-personality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a positive experience to the words ‘ordinary life’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that to stop an uncomfortable experience of myself is to run away.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that I cannot run away from myself and I cannot escape from myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that actively participating in the process of stopping the mind is actually taking the easy road and that if I feel/experience it as though I am taking the hard road, it is merely because I am not applying myself effectively, where I allow thoughts, resistance, backchat and fear to determine my experience of myself – instead of facing and investigating the points in detail and specificity, to stop the automated behaviours in and of the mind, to make way for myself to be able to effectively and consistently apply myself and participate within the physical reality.
When and as I see myself considering to walk away from my process and my responsibilities, to instead take the easy road – I stop, I breathe – I realise that my process and the responsibilities are not the problem, but that I am the problem – therefore, I direct myself to investigate any thoughts, backchat, resistance or fear in relation to walking my process or my responsibilities to then clear then with Self-Forgiveness and redirect myself with Self-Corrective Statements.
I commit myself to the process of assisting and supporting myself to stop any mind-interference with my life, with all life – to create a world where beings are able to fully, unconditionally and effectively express themselves and co-exist with each other.
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I went to watch the Lion King in 3D last week. This was the first time that I understood everything of the movie, because I used to watch it in French as a kid and I didn’t always understand it all. I wasn’t even aware that I didn’t understand some words, I would just look at the pictures and ‘automatically’ try to fill in the gaps with what I thought would make sense.
Anyhow, this is the first time that I understood the entire context of the words ‘Hakuna Matata’. The context of it is: When the world turns your back on you, you turn your back on the world and you go on living without worries while ignoring what is going on behind your back, eg: ignoring the rest of the world.
Those two words (Hakuna Matata) are said to mean ‘no worries’ – but there’s more to it than that. The way in which the words ‘Hakuna Matata’ are lived and presented in the movie, is through ignoring one’s responsibilities. See – Simba is actually the new lion king, which gives him responsibilities towards his fellow lions as well as all the other animals within his kingdom – in making sure a balance and harmony is maintained, so that all animals and species are able to co-exist in relative peace, only hunting and feeding off each other when required and, within that, not endangering the other species.
But instead of facing up to his past: the loss of his father and his own emotions of shame and guilt in believing he is responsbile for his father’s death – he runs away and hides in paradise. Here he is seemingly fulfilled and happy and has ‘all he wants’ – until his past catches up with him. His childhood friend – Nala – finds him, and in hearing what his father’s kingdom ended up like in the hands of his uncle, Scar, he starts seeing that his apparent bliss in paradise, is not valid. After the words of a monkey' saying that one can either run away from their past or face it and learn from it: he decides to leave his life of bliss behind and take responsibility for his kingdom.
And there you have it – the basic principles of how we walk the process of self-forgiveness, self-application, self-responsibility, common sense, best for all: presented in a children’s movie.
Now – as a child I never realised that this is what the movie was about. What I took with me from the movie was: “I want to live like Timon and Pumba with Hakuna Matata, doing fun things in paradise and not having to worry about ANYTHING - EVER!! YAAAAAY!” – lol. And that’s what we do as children; we feel we can’t handle our reality and we go and hide in imaginary places – creating ‘another’ world for ourselves, in our own minds, where things are ‘better for us’. And what we learned in childhood, we continued doing throughout our lives, as we grew older, all the way into adulthood – spending most of our time in an illusionary world of ‘glimmer’ and ‘bliss’, while completely ignoring the actual reality as it is physically playing out around us.
Let’s manifest a world wherein children don’t feel the need to hide from the world, where children actually feel welcome, where children actually have fun, and where children take responsibility for themselves and their world, because they see that it is worth it.
To do that, we start with ourselves by facing our past, forgiving ourselves for who we were and what we’ve done in our past and learning from the past. As Simba, we cannot hide from our past, from ourselves and from our responsibilities forever. And it is simply a matter of making a decision: to live in ignorance as ‘personal bliss’, or to do what is in the benefit, in the interest of all, to create a world where no-one ever will feel the need to hide in ignorance again.
I am not saying that it is easy – I’m saying that it can be done.
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