This blog-post is a continuation to:


Day 131: Who Am I in a Group?
Day 132: Who Am I in a Group? Clashes of Cultures
Day 133: Who Am I in a Group? - Nothing Left but Memories
Day 134: Who Am I in a Group? Dance Company - Pt1
Day 135: Who Am I in a Group? Dance Company Pt2
Day 136: Who Am I in a Group? Dancing with a Ghost
Day 137: Who Am I in a Group - Self-Forgiveness Pt 1
Day 138: Who Am I in a Group - Self-Forgiveness Pt 2


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of the past and approaching any new group/moment in a group as a new moment, where I am here, in the moment, participating in that moment, but instead, filter my experience, expectations and perceptions of the group/myself in the group through my memories in my mind of previous experiences in groups, wherein I in fact sabotage my participation and experience in the group as I then exist in continuous fear and hope in relation to the group – fear that the same patterns will play out again and hope that it might be different this time, and so never simply being ‘here’, participating directly, but where my behaviors, experiences and participation is influenced by this fear and this hope.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have sabotaged my participation in groups in the past through participating from a starting point of mind-experience – wherein I allowed my emotions/feelings to guide me in my participation in the group and use my emotions/feelings as a measuring stick for the value a group has to me – and wherein I have assumed that all individuals participate in groups in the same way and that this is the only way groups exist – based on the extent to which the group is able to provide more feelings than emotional experiences to each individual and if the individuals find that the group is not providing this, the group disintegrates.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that ‘groups’ were never the ‘problem’, but that it was my starting point and the starting point of the existence of the group that was not clear – wherein I desired/wanted the group to exist forever, but never clarified with myself and the others in the group what the foundation is of participating in the group, how the group will move forward; where no agreement ever existed as to each one’s responsibility within being part of the group, so that the group is not an ‘energy outlet’ to recharge our minds with positive experiences – but a group founded in mutual support – where the principles upon which the group is founded are communicated and clear for each individual and so that no abdication of responsibility can take place, where the group is made responsible for something self did or didn’t do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my own past experience as a reference of ‘what is possible’ and ‘what is not possible’, wherein I believe that if I haven’t experienced something before, then it is impossible for it to exist – where, with groups, because I haven’t experienced a group that didn’t disintegrate after a certain amount of time, I believe that it is impossible for groups to last for very long, simply because that has been my experience up until now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that when things become difficult/challenging within/for a group, that the group will seize to exist, because this has been my experience within previous groups that I ‘cherished’ – where the group of the summer camp stopped existing once we all lived in places far away and had to either devise new ways of communicating or do more effort to bring the group together, same with my high school group, and with the dance company, when one of the dancers died and we required to work through our grief.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined groups as something that only lasts so long and, in the bigger pictures, are only fleeting moments of beings walking together for a while, until it becomes too much of an effort for the individuals to keep the group standing.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to clarify with myself whether a group requires to exist forever, wherein I do not clarify for myself the purpose of the group and my participation within it and from there see: when is the existence of the group appropriate/applicable and when does it become irrelevant – but instead look at my positive experiences within the group and wanting those to last forever, and then wanting to force the group to last forever as well so that I can continue experiencing these positive feelings, rather than assessing whether the existence of this group is still relevant and simply moving on if I see it is not. Learn more »

This blog-post is a continuation to:

Day 131: Who Am I in a Group?
Day 132: Who Am I in a Group? Clashes of Cultures
Day 133: Who Am I in a Group? - Nothing Left but Memories
Day 134: Who Am I in a Group? Dance Company - Pt1
Day 135: Who Am I in a Group? Dance Company Pt2
Day 136: Who Am I in a Group? Dancing with a Ghost
Day 137: Who Am I in a Group - Self-Forgiveness Pt 1

I ended off my last post with the Self-Forgiveness statement:


“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always be skeptical of groups in terms of thinking/believing that it is unlikely that it will be fun experiencing myself in a group of so many different individuals when in my experience, each individual brings the potential that I will experience conflict with them – and therefore, any time where I do find myself in a group where there is a relative tolerance towards each other and a general mutual agreement to have fun and a good time together – I elevate it into something magical and miraculous within and as myself – accessing positive feelings of wonder, exhilaration, connectedness, euphoria, excitement, hope and love.”

So, I'm continuing from there:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to approach groups from a feeling and emotion perspective – where I either associate a negative emotion to groups or the opposite polarity of positive feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my evaluation of a group based on what kind of experiences I go through, where if I mostly experience negative emotions while participating within the group, then I will dislike the group and try to remove myself from the group and if I mostly experience positive feelings in the group, then I will attempt to hold on to the group.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to ever approach groups from the simple realization that groups consist of individuals and so to participate in a group is to participate with other individuals – instead, when in groups, it has always been about me – what can the group do for ME – how does participating in the group make ME feel – how does participating in the group make ME look – wherein I have used groups to satisfy experiences and if I found the group was not or no longer giving me the experiences I desired, then I would discard the group and so the individuals within it – showing that I never had actually considered any of the individuals within the group but only participating from a starting point of pure self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an interpretation of the groups I am participating in within my mind, where, within my mind, I create a ‘group entity’ to which I associate a positive or negative association – and based on that experience the ‘group feeling’ as being good or bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to – in order to experience as many positive feelings as possible – always assimilate myself as much as possible to the others in the group – adjusting how I behave, speak, dress, what I talk about, what I express my interests to be, what I express my opinions and likes and dislikes to be – to as much as possible ‘fit in’ with the group – because I have come to believe that the more each one conforms to the norms and standards of others in the group, the stronger the group will be and the more the group can do ‘for me’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever consider what I understand under ‘a strong group’ – where I now realize that a ‘strong group’ actually referred to the extent to which individuals within the group assimilate to each other and so support each other within their perceptions, beliefs, opinions, ideas, in order to generate a maximum sum total of positive feelings within each of the individuals.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that if I base my participation within groups on energetic experiences, then no group can ever last – because mind energy always moves between the polarities of negative, positive, negative, positive, etc. – and so if positive or negative energy is the determining factor for my participation or removal from a group – then it is inevitable that I will at some point experience negative energy – and especially if previously the positive energy had been quite intense – it will be mirrored by an equally intense negative experience – and so it is pointless to try to ‘hold on’ to a group for the positive feelings I experience within it, because it will not last.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that no matter what kind of ‘connection’ I felt I had with people – on summer camps, or in the dance company or in the high school – it was always based within interpretation and experience where I would elevate the lack of anxiety or uncomfortableness to something ‘more than’ and create the idea and belief that this group was special for me to be able to experience these ‘amazing things’ with these other beings – when actually – I never had a real connection with any of the beings in any substantial way – I didn’t know who they were, what their lives were like or what they experienced.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that whenever I would experience something apparently ‘amazing’ – I would project this experience and attribute it to the group – never actually looking at what the experience was – whether it was simply a point of silence or comfortability or how exactly a positive feeling was triggered within me in for instance feeling appreciated or validated or accepted – where, of course – everything that I experienced, I experienced within myself and so could have a self-honest look at the nature of the experience and how/why I was experiencing myself in this way – but instead chucking up my experience to the other beings and the group – and so creating a dependency with the other beings the group in a hope of experiencing these points again – where within walking in groups, I would in fact continuously separate me from myself and always miss: me. Learn more »

In my previous blog I shared my experience in joining a dance company and specifically my experience of myself within the group that I really enjoyed. Nothing would seem to change that, until a week before the premier of our new production. It was a Saturday morning. One of the girls said she wouldn't be able to come because she had planned a weekend to the beach with her boyfriend, they had left straight after rehearsal the night before, all excited. So there we were in the studio and our choreographer told us she had received a phone call from the girl's parents. On the way to the beach, the girl and her boyfriend had gotten in a car crash. The boyfriend was okay, but the girl had been sleeping on the backseats without her sea tbelt and was flung through the windscreen. She didn't survive the crash. No need to say we were soon all in tears after hearing the news - more so because she was only 17, the second youngest dancer in the group.

From being a happy worriless bunch, we started trying to keep it together and pull each other up. We revised the production in a week's time so it could be performed with one less dancer, as well as adding in a whole section in tribute of her. There was one particular moment in the performance where she would normally be standing right behind me - the lyrics going 'Will you dance with me?'. Although I wouldn't be able to see her - I would always feel her presence. And after she died, whenever we got to this particular section, I would feel her absence. Somehow we managed to pull off the premier without problems - until the moment of bowing and everyone applauding - we all burst into tears on stage.

We danced at her funeral at the request of her parents - that time we were already in tears before we started.

Although we all tried to support each other the best we knew how and everyone tried to mourn her loss in their own way, trying to move forward as a group and somehow managing to - her death to me was like a 'stain' on what we had as a group - and without consciously intending to, I became more reserved. I also didn't like how the girl was glorified after she died - there had been some tensions between her and the choreographer as the reason she had joined the company was in relation to a school project where she would merge hip hop with contemporary dance and perform it with the company as her 'final work' for school. She would be choreographing it together with our choreographer and in that process they didn't always see eye to eye - but that was not discussed. She was an angel now.

To be continued. Learn more »

In a previous post I shared how I danced an amateur dance company after quitting my professional dance training and where - we first got to know and trust each other physically.

So - it is an interesting way of getting to know people - you kind of skip the small-talk and start with physical comfortability. Looking back, there's many I still didn't know much about - in terms of their past, their lives. We would just share moments with each other - the time we spent together rehearsing and performing. But even if we didn't necesarily know much about each other's lives, we would know each other's bodies, from the perspective of what they physically feel like, how they move, where their physical weaknesses and strenghts lie and we would know each other in how we interacted in a moment, sometimes sharing some points that were gonig on in our lives, but there generally wasn't much 'time' to really go into that.

What was also distinct about getting to know people as I did when joining the dance company, is that it wasn't not based upon clothing style for instance. We would only see each other in our 'proper clothes' for a few seconds as we came in to the changing room, but then changed into our dancing clothes - which were just loose pants and comfortable shirts. So - everyone basically looked the same or similar. Another distinction was that in my life, when being in a group, it had mostly been age-dependent - in schools, on camps, music classes, dance classes - you were divided into groups of people of your own age. But in this dance company - our ages ranged from the youngest being about 15 and the oldest in their 30s.

To keep it short - we were tight, lol. No one had issues with anyone - some were closer or 'hit it off better' with certain people than with others. Herein it was fascinating that, initially, I got to know those people with whom I was most in sync while dancing, the youngest guy in the company and a young lady. In the first piece that I was a part of in the company, I by chance also had to work closely with the two of them - the comfortability in movement seemed to allow us to be comfortable in general interaction - even though - if I had met them on the street, I might no thave given them a second glance. Those whose dancing style was different to mine - in terms of timing or intensity or speed, or whatever - took me longer to have conversations with. The choreographer, thankfully, meant to give us the best opportunities to expand, so she would for instance place me in a duet with a girl whose natural dancing style was opposite to mine - it took me longer to become comfortable with her - but as we practiced our duet and each started learning from each other, together creating something new - the communication and interaction also started flowing more.

So - this is the process that I walked with each of the dancers - where eventually, I was comfortable with each one - our interaction was easy, flowing. Everyone came to dance in terms of what they enjoy doing - so we didn't bring our personal worries or troubles into the group - we were there to have a good time. Many nights, I would dread getting out of the couch and out to the train station to a rehearsal, for some reason thinking it might not be fun that night - but every time I did go - and every time I was so glad that I did, because it was just so AWESOME, lol - where I couldn't remember why I doubted that it would be anything different. I suppose I had gotten used to the fun being drained out of things after a while - and that was something that didn't happen in the dance company - at least not until something drastic happened.

To be continued... Learn more »

This blog-post is a continuation to the blog-post Day 131: Who Am I in a Group?

Memory 2: High School Group


My high school was quite a small school. Partly because after grades one and two we were split over two different locations dependent on the direction of study we chose. General Secondary Education students would remain in the same location, whereas Technical, Physical and Professional Secondary Education students would from third grade onwards go to a different school in the same town. (We count grade 1 to 6 for primary education and then again grade 1 to 6 in secondary education) Yet, even within that, the amount of General Secondary Education students was so small that we would all be merged together as one group for certain classes. So those doing Latin, Natural Sciences, Languages, Economics - would all be together and form a group of about 20 to 30 people. I can't remember exactly how big my group was, but it was more towards 20 or less.

Anyhow - as a group we got along quite well - there weren't really any issues between anyone, but there were 'clicks' of friend-groups - where some people you hung out with a lot, other sometimes and others you barely knew. Until in grade 5, I think, 4 guys from the grade above us had to double after pulling a stunt of trying to calculate their end-grade before the final exams and then somehow coming to the conclusion that they wouldn't need to study for those exams - that they were 'safe' - so they had to find out their calculations were wrong and had to double. When they came into our group - there was a complete change, because their attitude was completely different from ours. As a teenager you kind of choose what kind of style of teenager you want to be - the alternative, the good student, the macho (I suppose that would align with 'the quarterbacks' in the US), etc. As you pick your style, you tend to hang out with the people of the same style and kind of create your own little sub-culture based on clothes-style, music preference, values, etc. I picked the 'alternatives' group as a teenager - which about half of the group would be part of - and then the other part was mostly the 'good students' type. Both didn't clash though. Then the kids that doubled were added to the group - and they were the 'obvious macho' type - loudmouthed, showing off, making stupid jokes about girls vs guys. And none of us were impressed with it. We thought our mellow group experience was ruined by the addition of these 4 'clowns'.

Our interaction was then mostly in terms of snide comments towards each other and making fun of each other - or just plainly trying to ignore each other - that was the best way we could interact. Interestingly - when alone with one of the 4 guys, I was mostly able to talk to them quite okay, find a point of connection or a topic to have some kind of a conversation about. But with two or more - the macho-pose would be assumed and the connection would be 'broken' again.

In that same year, we went on a 'reflection' weekend (Christian school...). So - for these two days we went to some other location and an outside-person would be leading the weekend, guiding us through activities and trying to get us to open up about ourselves, reflect on ourselves and our relationships with others in the group. There was one exercise where we were sitting in a circle and he asked each one to put one object in the middle of the circle that we hold dear and to explain why that object and what it feels like to let go of it for a moment. Most people picked something silly/superficial - an object they like for sentimental reasons. Then it was the turn of one of the macho-guys. He was considered the 'leader' among the macho-guys - the 'uber-macho' - lol. When it was his turn, he said "I always wear a mask, and it's not me - and for this weekend, I want to put that mask in the circle and not wear it." The person guiding the activity made some comment about 'how deep' that was, but didn't further go into it. The group, me included, had a point of 'yeah right, he's just making fun of this whole 'reflection' thing' and didn't pay much attention to it. Anyway - the weekend was quite fun, but nothing really changed.

Our math teacher went with on the week-end as well. He was a young teacher that somehow we became friends with. In a conversation with me he talked about the week-end and how he saw that more could have been achieved - that there had been moments of opportunity, such as the 'I will not wear my mask' moment - that the leader of the weekend didn't use to open things up properly. This teacher was also a basketball coach and out of interest into the topic of group dynamics related to that, he had studied the subject and learned skills in terms of changing group dynamics. So - he offered the group to organize a second weekend - one for three days - it would be optional, no one would be forced as was the case for the reflection-weekend and he said he would specifically work on group dynamics. In the end - everyone but one guys signed up to go and so we went.

Our math teacher was far more skilled and educated on the point of group dynamics and organized all kinds of cool activities with challenges, after which he would share his observations. He really astounded us in terms of what we were allowing ourselves to participate in within the group without even being aware of it. During this weekend - we also saw people that had always remained on the background - literally not saying a word, except for a whisper to their best friend - suddenly open up. In one of the activities, we were divided into small groups and were supposed to solve some kind of mystery where we were given tools and some clues. It is within this activity that I was with two of those people. A guy that I had already known to be very funny as I had found a point of connection with him before about a funny series we both watch. He would often sit behind me in class and then once in a while I would lean back and we would exchange some quick laughs. He was not part of the 'alternative' group, but of the 'I am a good student' group - which I suppose you could call the 'nerd' group. He was very shy, got harrassed sometimes and apart from some friends, kept to himself. The other person was the girl that never spoke a word. Within this exercise - she started suddenly making jokes. We were struggling with the solving of the mystery and none of us really cared - I was so shocked by the change in the girl's behavior and the guy joining in - that we left the assignment altogether and just started having fun and ended up laughing our asses off. From that moment - these two people never crawled back into the background - but were visible and actively participating within the group.

The 'highlight' of this memory is still to come - will continue in my next blog... Learn more »

Recently an interesting point opened up for me in relation to: who I am in a group. Within walking process, as a Destonian, we become part of a community, a group of individuals based on the principles we commit ourselves to live by - a group of individuals that walk and apply these principles individually, yet together. The group is a continuous point of stability, support and cross-reference for each one that is part of the group - yet the group cannot exist unless the individuals within it continue to participate within the principles of the group. Within being part of this group, I've had experiences of anxiety come up in relation to the group suddenly being 'gone' or disintegrating. In speaking to my partner, I realized that these anxieties were memory-based - fuelled by memories of previous experiences of being part of a group. So, I'll write about the most prominent memories that define my expectations and fears in relation to being part of a group and walk the Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective application process on each one, so that who I am in a group is no longer defined by memories and so that I don't create unnecessary expectations, anxieties and fears that would influence my experience and participation in the group.

Memory 1: Best Summercamp Ever

From when I was about 6 years old, my mother sent me on summer camps. I say 'sent me' because it was her initiative and I would sometimes feel that she forced me to go so I would learn to eat more than just rice, sausage and eggs, but I remember that when she suggested it to me initially, that I was actually quite excited to do this. It would always be right before the trip that I would experience a sudden resistance to go and then I would plead my mother to please just keep me home, and not make me go - but then she'd say that there was no choice because she had already paid for it, I had told her I wanted to go and so now I had to go. Anyhow - with these camps I would always be so shy initially - just one girl among a bunch of strangers, strange kids and strange adults. I would generally get annoyed with the adults who would act exceedingly excited about going on this trip - acting happy and nutty when most of us, the kids, were just uncomfortable and scared. I knew they were trying to 'lift our spirits' and destract us from leaving our parents, but I would always think it made it worse.

First, on the bus - each time it was hoping that I would end up sitting next to someone 'nice' - so that I had someone to talk to and immediately could make friends - that way, by the time we'd arrive to the camp site I was already not alone anymore. I would hate it when they would ask if there is someone we wanted to make sure to share our room with, and everyone had friends they wanted to bunk up with except for me and some other 'alone' kids - so, I made it a point to make sure I would already have someone I could say I wanted to share a room with by the time we arrived at the camp site. For the first few days, I would then spend time mostly with that one person. It didn't actually matter if we really got along or if we would really become friends - it was just to have someone by my side. Often, as days passed, I would part from that person more and more and start spending time with people I found I could be friends with.

These camps then generally followed the same pattern in terms of 'group dynamics' - initially we were all just individual children or little groups of children being in one place, doing things 'together'. But this 'togetherness' was more each one agreeing to 'play along' as though we were a group - without actually being one. As time progressed and we would all get to know each other better and start having fun - this 'group-feeling' would start growing - like, suddenly it is no longer just individuals - there are the individuals and then there is the group. By the time the camp was reaching its end this 'group-feeling' would reach its peak - where we all felt that we were part of something, together had been through something. The bond between the individuals and the group would be different/stronger it seemed than those I had with my friends from school - because with school-friends, I would see them in school, then go home and then only the next day see them again. On the camps, you lived with the other kids and adults for over a week - waking up together, having breakfast together, doing all kinds of activities together, having lunch and dinner together, showering at the same times, brushing your teeth together, going to sleep together. All the moments that you usually go through in a private way - that your school friends are not part of - I would share with these kids on camp. So - in a way I would feel a lot more 'at home' after about a week, among a group of children and adults that I barely knew, then among my school-friends.

Then right at the peak - the 'height' of this group-experience, the camp would be over. We would all exchange addresses and promise to write letters to make sure we keep in touch. Then it was on the bus and back to the parents. Fascinatingly - no matter how much the kids had expressed that they wished the camp would never end, because it's so much fun and the group is awesome and we should stay friends forever - by the time we were in the parking lot where the parents were waiting to pick up their kids - the kids would say to the adults: "okay bye, thanks so much" - the kids turn their backs and run off to their parents and go home.

I would always be 'heartbroken' after a cool camp and generally would be sick for a few weeks afterwards in having to suddenly adjust to normal life - where everyone that had made part of what I had come to call 'home', was suddenly gone. I would want to tell everyone about all the things I did and what happened, but most would only listen with half an ear and it seemed like I never could really bring across what it had been like - what I had experienced - what I had lost. And that made me feel extremely lonely. Initially I always tried to keep in touch with the kids I had become closest to on the camps in a desperate attempt to hold on that feeling of belonging, of togetherness from camp, so I would write them letters, but then I either wouldn't hear back from them, or when I did, they would talk about all the things they are doing in their life now, which I was not a part of and it just made me feel even more disconnected from them.

So all of this was 'generally' the case - lol.

Now there was the one camp - and this is the actual memory I meant to write about - it was a camp in Bruges (Belgium) where we all took our bicycles and every day would go cycling to different places and then play games in cities. That to me was the best summercamp ever. I think I was about 13 at that time. I remember in the beginning looking at the adults that were joining us - there were 4 - and based on what they looked like - already deciding that I hoped to be with two specific adults in the group. It would usually be 2 adults for a group of about 10 to 20 children. The decision was based purely on their looks - they were a guy and a girl that looked 'pretty' - they conformed to the picture of what 'cool people' apparently looked like. The other two adults were women, clearly older and they were also quite heavy - so it seemed that the most dynamic duo would be the young girl and boy. When I arrived at the campsite and we were devided in to the groups - I ended up in the group with the two women. So - I was immediately quite disappointed and thought this would be the worst camp ever, lol. But oh my, was I mistaken - those two women were amazing with us and after a few days it was clear that I was lucky being in their group. They would act nutty and funny, but would also be directive and stern when needed, yet fair. I found that often with the very fun leaders, they would not be very directive and would also mostly interact with the confident kids, not worrying about the more shy ones leaving left out. These two women, though, were able to strike a perfect balance - attending to every child and pulling each one together in the group-feeling.

At some point during this camp I actually sprained one of my ankles quite badly. On a different camp, I would have probably used it as an excuse to not have to participate in some of the activities, but this time, I refused to have a cast put on. One of the two women responsible for my group was a nurse and when she looked at the ankle, she'd said that I'd need a cast. I'd had a cast before and I'd absolutely hated it, so I told her no - I didn't want it. She insisted a doctor should come out and when he came, he luckily had a solution - it was relatively new at the time, but he suggested a cast made from plastic with air cushions that I would be able to take off. It was quite expensive then, so they called my parents to find out if it would be okay if they bought it and sent them the bill. My parents agreed and I was so glad that I didn't have to skip on any of the cycling rides and, apart from running, was able to participate in everything quite well. Towards the end of the camp, the same women, the nurse - fell. It was during a 'party' where we all got to dress up and dance to music. She was dancing with someone, mis-stepped, fell to the floor and dislocated her hip. She immediately forced the hip back into the joint and was then taken to the hospital. The pain had been quite intense, so she had been lying on the floor screaming and crying. Most of us kids were in shock to see her in that pain and the party ended in tears after she was taken to the hospital. When she came back, it was her wearing the cast and walking on crutches.

When the camp was at its end and the bus took us to the drop-off point - one of the organizers of the, well, organization, that, well, organizes these trips - lol - was present at the scene and this person had not been with on the camp, but just assisted in that moment. The person was flabbergasted, because instaed of the usual site - the kids running off to their parents and slopily waving goodby to the camp-leaders, all the kids kept standing by the bus and didn't want to leave - half of the kids were crying that the camp was over and kept clinging to the camp leaders, not wanting to go home with their parents. The person asked the camp-leaders 'what the hell did you guys do with these kids on this camp??' Lol.

And still now I find it hard to explain what made this camp so different from other camps. Maybe it was how each one in the group really pushed to be part of the group and 'show themselves' so to speak. Maybe it was the tactfulness of the camp-leaders in how they structured the activities to always be a success and always fun. Maybe it was the fact that this was the first camp where everyone in the group would actually get along with each other, despite how 'different' we initially seemed. I cannot put my finger on it.

After this camp, we had a 'reunion' a few months later - and barring only 1 or 2 people, everyone had shown up - and despite what I had expected - during that reunion day we felt as much as a group as we had on camp and having as much fun together. I had expected that I would be disappointed, that the group feeling would be gone and that this reunion day would only be a bitter aftertaste of a delicious treat. But no - it seemed like an extension of it.


In the next posts, I will first continue laying out the other memories after which I'll walk them through with SF and Self-Corrective statements. Stay tuned... Learn more »