I've had several people asking how to make a self-honest decision - like, how can they be sure that the decision they make is self-honest. See - the tendency exists to try to make decisions in one's mind, where reasons for one or the other way are floating around in one's mind and one cannot really see clearly. The mind will continuously jump from one side to the other, from one reason to the other, creating confusion, doubt and fear.
The method I use, especially with decisions that involve a lot of fear - where the mind perceives it has a lot to lose if one goes for 'Door 1' or 'Door 2' - to make the decision-making process a practical one. Practical - meaning: to not try/attempt to make a decision in one's mind - because herein one will never see where one is self-honest and where one is not. Therefore - here is a suggested method:
To take a piece of paper and make two columns. Let's say the decision pertains to moving in with someone or staying to live by oneself. A decision has to be made between:
Option 1: Moving in with X
Option 2: Living by myself
Once you have established what options are involved in your decision - you write at the top of the first column 'Moving in with X' - or whatever your first option is - and 'Living by myself' - or whatever your second option is - at the top of the second column. Then strike a horizontal line underneath those words, accross both columns.
Then - under the horizontal line, in column one - you list all the reasons that come to mind of why you would go for Option 1 - or in our example: why you would Move in with X. This can be for instance:
- I'll have more fun living with another person
- I need someone to help me financially
- I deserve to have the experience of having a roommate
- Then I don't have to miss X when I'm home
- etc.
Once you've listed all the reasons that come to mind in relation to Moving in with X (or your Option 1), do the same for Option 2.
IMPORTANT: Within Identifying the reasons that come to mind in relation to Option 1 or Option 2 - be Absolutely Self-Honest. Meaning: Don't leave anything out - even if it only pops up for a tiny second and then you go 'nah, that's not really a reason' - go back - and add the reason in. The fact that it came up means that on some level it does influence and impact your decision-making process.
Once you have listed all your reasons for either Moving in with X or staying ot live by yourself, take one reason at a time and unconditionally apply Self-Forgiveness on any point of self-dishonesty that you can identify within that particular reason for either chosing for Option 1 or Option 2. Once you have cleared the first reason of all Self-Dishonesty (after which you may or may not have debunked the reason altogether), you repeat the same process of self-forgiveness with every other reason on your piece of paper.
After your self-forgiveness, you'll find that most of the reasons you wrote down on your piece of paper were not actually self-honest reasons but were merely justifications used to try and convince yourself that either Option 1 or Option 2 is the right thing to do. So - after your self-forgiveness, you'll be able to identify which reasons are valid considerations and which are not. If you're lucky, you'll only have one valid reason - which makes your decision-making easy, because then you simply look at which column the reason is in and you see which option would be self-honest. If you have several options to consider, you can now do so without the other reasons floating around in the background, which 'clog' your view and make it difficult to see the trees through the forest.
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When and as I see myself looking for meaning and fulfillment within a thought - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I am separating me from my thoughts - and thus, from myself - through thinking/believing that something/someone outside of myself is able to fulfill me and give meaning to my life. And thus, I commit myself to investigate the nature of the thought as well as what triggered it so as to identify where I have separated me from myself, causing me to not be fulfilled as the entirety of myself, but instead, am looking for pieces of myself somewhere out in the world or somewhere within my mind.
When and as I see myself justifying a certain desire based on the belief that the desire stems from 'who I am' and is an inherent part of my self-drive and self-determination - I stop, I breathe - I realise that this desire is not an inherent part of myself, but was created within certain moments to try and make sense of my experience of myself where I felt that I was not 'enough'. And thus, I commit myself to investigate the origin of the desire - in what moment it was created and what thought-process lies behind it - to from there, give myself perspective on why this desire exists within me and provide myself with the solution in terms of giving myself what I perceive I had been missing, instead of merely acting on the desire, which would've never given the desired outcome - because the desire was a distraction from the real issue, attempting to solve an inner problem with something/someone from the outside.
When and as I see myself building up impatience as anxiety in relation to my hairstyle/the length of my hair - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I am experiencing a fear in relation to losing or wasting time, where I worry that I am investing my time within the wrong 'path' as either keeping my hair short or letting my hair grow, where I think/believe/fear that I am missing out on other experiences and where I try to make sense of the experience through telling myself that what my hair is like now must be wrong or not what it's supposed to be, to eventually acton the anxiety/fear/impatience through changing my 'path' - And thus, I commit myself to stop this pattern right here in this moment as and when I see myself building up impatience as anxiety in relation to my hairstyle/the lenght of my hair, through reminding myself that I have nothing to fear as I have already experienced all kinds of different hairstyles and they did not make a difference to who I am - and thus, that the only consideration should be practicality in terms of presentability and health considerations.
When and as I see myself becoming anxious when I see that a certain 'investment' or decision is not immediately 'paying off' - I stop, I breathe - I realise that this behavioral pattern is a result of the system we currently live in where time is equated to money and where it is believed that short-term satisfaction is more important than any other considerations, and where the tendency will be to compromise our decisions/investments/commitments to yield higher short-term benefits, regardless of whether this course of action is Best for All or not - and thus, I commit myself to let go of the anxiety and to simply re-assess my decision/commitment in common sense through re-evaluating whether it is truly in the best interest of all - and if so, I reconfirm my resolve and commitment to myself within the decision/investment that I have made and I stand by it.
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When and as I see myself being 'absorbed' into TV-programs - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I am I projecting myself into the experience of the characters that I see on the TV-screen, and thus, in essence, locking myself into a limited dimension in my own mind, and am no longer present, here in my physical body and my physical environment. And thus, I commit myself to focus on my breathing and bring myself back here, infusing myself back into my physical body and being aware of my physical environment - in essence, 'putting my feet back on Earth'.
When and as I see myself reacting in fear and panic because I see someone being hurt or dying on TV - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I have programmed myself to enter into a process of attempting to train myself to defend myself in a similar situation in an attempt to avoid the same harm if I were to find myself in that situation - and thus, I commit myself to let go of the fear and panic and ground myself in the physical hear, no longer participating in the GI Jane survival character.
When and as I see myself entering/being in a survival frame of mind - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I am entering a kind of narrow-tunnel-vision/rushed experience in which I am actually relinquishing my common sense and attempt to 'solve' the problem or situation through if-this-then-that equations, thinking and believing that I can apply the same action in any similar situation - and thus, I realise that if I were to ever find myself in a dangerous situation, my action will depend on my consideration of everything and everyone that is involved within that singular particular moment - and cannot be predicted or rehearsed before hand. And thus, I commit myself to breathe and stabilise myself into my human physical body, embracing myself in self-trust and self-stability.
When and as I see myself participating in fear of pain and fear of death - I stop, I breathe - I realise that I will die and that there is currently nothing I can do about it - and thus, I commit myself to embrace this fact as I see/realise/understand that if I stand, even death cannot change me.
When and as I see myself thinking/believing that I can cheat death and desiring to cheat death - I stop, I breathe - I realise that the mind is the very reason why we cannot live in the same physical body eternally, and thus that participating in thoughts, beliefs, fears and desires in no way is going to help me avoid death. And thus, I commit myself to let go of the thought/belief/desire to cheat death and ground myself in my physical body here, realising that I am here at this very moment, and thus - that is all that matters.
When and as I see myself attempting/desiring to control my environment - I stop, I breathe - I realise that it is impossible to really be in control of my environment as this would imply the subjugation of my environment to me, and I realise that what I am actually trying to do is deluding/brainwashing myslef into believing that I actually am in control as a way of suppressing and not having to deal with my present situation. And thus, I let go of the fear, embrace myself as course and deliberately face myself through my environment head-on in self-honesty, self-trust and common sense.
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