Van jongsaf aan worden kinderen afgezet bij een instituut waar anderen de taak om de kinderen op te voeden, op zich nemen. Schoolgaan en de ervaringen van een kind op school maken een integraal deel uit van een kind’s ontwikkeling in zijn of haar expressie – en heeft een sterke invloed op wie hij of zij is of zal zijn in zijn of haar verdere leven.

Vandaag herinnerde ik mij een reeks van gebeurtenissen die zich voordeden toen ik in het lager onderwijs zat (lager onderwijs: 6-12 jarigen). Vroeger had ik er niet echt bij stilgestaan – maar als ik er nu op terugkijk: wat zich afspeelt op scholen is compleet absurd – en wat ik mij herinnerde vandaag is slechts 1 voorbeeld van de absurditeit die wij toestaan, doch die een definitieve indruk nalaten op ons als kind en die ons parten  blijft spelen voor de rest van ons leven.

Ik herinnerde mij dat leerkrachten de ‘verdeel en heers’ tactiek toepassen op kinderen. Hoewel kinderen wordt aangeleerd dat ze solidair moeten zijn, elkaar met respect moeten behandelen, enzovoort – trachten leerkrachten het omgekeerde te bereiken wanneer ze een ‘verdeel en heers’ tactiek toepassen.

In mijn vierde leerjaar veranderde ik van klas. In het begin was het moeilijk om ‘mijn oude klas’ los te laten – maar ik was al snel opgelucht dat ik er weg was – want het volgende gebeurde:

Er had zich een incident voorgedaan waarbij 1 van de leerlingen een andere leerling had bezeerd – ik herinner mij de details niet, het was iets in de aard van iemand werd tegen een muur of op de grond geduwd – en er was onduidelijkheid over wie dit gedaan had. Degene die het gedaan had, wou zichzelf niet ‘aangeven’ en de andere leerlingen wouden hem of haar niet verraden; precies zoals ze waren aangeleerd door de leerkrachten op school, waren ze solidair met elkaar en wouden ze elkaar geen mes in de rug steken.

Dus, wat deed de leerkracht? Ze strafte iedereen – de hele klas – ik denk iets van 25 leerlingen. De straf werd uitgevoerd tijdens de pauze (!!!) – elke leerling moest tegen een muur staan, een bepaalde afstand van elkaar weg – gedurende de hele pauze, elke pauze van de dag! Hun pauze en vrije tijd zou hun op deze manier ontzegd worden, totdat iemand te voren kwam en ‘de waarheid’ vertelde.

Wat is dit voor een methode? Het is een ‘verdeel en heers’ tactiek. Waarom? Omdat het doel van deze methode is dat de leerlingen zich tegen elkaar opzetten en van de ‘schuldige’ gaan eisen dat hij of zij gaat opbiechten, zodat zij de straf niet verder moeten ondergaan.

Maar – de leerkracht wist niet dat de leerlingen zouden blijven stilzwijgen. Velen waren kwaad en wouden dat de ‘schuldige’ tevoren kwam – maar als het erop neerkwam, werd niemand verraden. Dus, de straf bleef duren, voor dagen, voor weken – misschien zelfs maanden, ik ben niet zeker.



De straf veranderde ook – de kinderen moesten op de geel geverfde lijnen op de speelplaats stappen (de uitlijning van een volley-bal veld) – weerom, met een specifieke afstand tussen elke leerling, zodat ze niet met elkaar konden praten. En dit moesten ze doen gedurende elke pauze. En de leerkracht zou toekijken, met gekruiste armen.

Onthoud hier dat de meeste leerlingen niet eens aanwezig waren bij het incident en dus helemaal geen benul hadden van wat er zich afspeelde, maar toch werd hen hun pauze ontzegd.

Een ander woord voor zulk een methode – is ‘marteling’ – hoe gek het ook klinkt. De kinderen werden onderhevig gesteld aan ongemak en dit ongemak werd vergroot – todat 1 van hen er genoeg van had en deed wat de leerkracht eiste.

De voornaam van de leerkracht in kwestie, was ‘Lieve’ – en er werd altijd gezegd hoe passend die naam was voor haar, want zo kenden mensen haar: als een zachtaardige, lieve, warme persoon. Maar als iemand niet deed wat zij eiste, bleek ze niet meer zo ‘lief’ te zijn.

Mensen gingen zelfs de kinderen beschuldigen – ze zeiden dat de kinderen haar tot deze straf ‘gedreven’ hadden. De oh zo lieve juffrouw veranderde in een monster – en het was de fout van de kinderen?! Dat is waarschijnlijk waarom niemand iets zei – niemand stopte haar, alsof wat ze deed terecht en rechtvaardig was. Maar na een tijd vonden ouders het wel te ver gaan. Het begon dat stilletjesaan meer en meer kinderen thuis gingen eten en thuis bleven tot op het laatste ogenblik, voordat ze terug naar school gingen in de namiddag – zodat ze geen heel uur buiten zouden moeten in een vierkant stappen. Want – de middagpauze was geen uitzondering.


Ik weet niet precies hoe het uiteindelijk stopte – maar de relatie tussen de leerlingen en de leerkracht was verpest voor de rest van het jaar. Maar wat nog belangrijk is: wat heeft deze leerkracht de leerlingen hier aangeleerd? Dat de ‘verdeel en heers’ tactiek gerechtvaardigd is om controle uit te oefenen en dat, als je iets wil van een ander, je deze laatste gewoon maar hoeft te martelen totdat hij of zij ingeeft. Dat is het voorbeeld dat de leerkracht stelde.

En zij was niet de enige leerkracht die deze methode toepaste. Toen ik in het derde leerjaar zat gebeurde hetzelfde. Iemand bleef stiekem fluiten wanneer de leerkracht haar rug naar de klas keerde. Toen de leerkracht het merkte, maakte ze zich kwaad en zij dat wie het ook deed, moest stoppen. De volgende keer dat ze haar rug keerde, werd er weer gefloten.

De leerkracht wilde weten wie het was. Niemand antwoordde. De leerkracht wachtte en daar ging de bel om de pauze aan te melden. De leerkracht zei dat we niet naar buiten mochten totdat ze wist wie het gedaan had. Degene die aan het fluiten was geweest, wou niet antwoorden – uit schrik, natuurlijk. Aangezien ik niet binnen wou blijven zitten en ik een favoriet van de leerkracht was – stak ik mijn hand op en zei ik dat ik het gedaan had. Ik was vrij zeker dat de leerkracht mij niet zou straffen omdat ik nog nooit iets misgedaan had – terwijl, als 1 van de ‘kwajongens’ zou zeggen dat hij het gedaan had, zou er zeker een straf gevolgd hebben.

De leerkracht keek mij aan, verward en teleurgesteld tegelijkertijd en zei dan: “Oke, ik zal het laten gaan voor deze ene keer – omdat jij het bent.” En we mochten buiten gaan spelen.
Het is fascinerend dat zulke praktijken aanvaard worden door ouderes – dat is, als ze zich eigenlijk bewust zijn van wat er zich op school afspeelt – en als het hen ook eigenlijk iets kan schelen. Het merendeel van een kind’s opvoeding vindt plaats op school en de ouder weet niet wat er zich afspeelt, hoe de leerkracht met zijn of haar kind omgaat of welke methodes leerkrachten toepassen.

Het wordt tijd dat ouders zich informeren over wat het betekent om een kind op te voeden – en om het ook zelf te doen – om het kind niet gewoon op school ‘af te leveren’ en dan zelf met andere zaken bezig te zijn. Maar natuurlijk – praktisch gezien is het niet mogelijk voor ouders om zoveel tijd met hun kinderen door te brengen – want ouders moeten werken om te kunnen voorzien voor zichzelf en de kinderen.

Daarom – enkel in een geljik geldsysteem zullen kinderen de opvoeding krijgen die ze nodig hebben, de opvoeding waar ze recht ophebben, de opvoeding die elkeen van ons wenst gehad te hebben, maar die momenteel niet mogelijk is. Wanneer ouders er daadwerkelijk zijn voor hun kinderen en waar het niet vanzelfsprekend is dat een ander de opvoeding van jouw kind op zich neemt – waarbij jij geen benul hebt van wat jouw kind wordt aangeleerd of aangedaan.

Dat op zich – is kindermisbruik.

Stem voor een gelijk geldsysteem en maak een einde aan deze onzin.

www.equalmoney.org Learn more »

After I had used a picture of a handshake for my blog-post on Agreements – I started wondering where the hell the custom of shaking hands actually comes from.
I briefly discussed it with Leila and we figured that – although handshakes are currently a symbol of equality, agreement, camaraderie, welcoming and respect – it probably has its origin in deception.

The clinging of glasses against each other is an example of a symbol or custom – which currently has a ‘positive’ connotation – that has its origins within deception: people would cling their glasses together to make sure that the person they’re drinking with hadn’t poisoned their drink. As the glasses/cups/mugs hit each other – the contents of the one glass will spill over into the other one and vice versa. Thus – if the other had poisoned my drink, he will now have to drink his own poison, because the drinks have now been ‘mixed’.  If the other is willing to drink – then I know that drinking is safe.

So – the practice of clinging glasses against each other before drinking was done to ‘prove’ to each other that ‘I have no mischievous intentions’ – and thus, originates in distrust and fear of betrayal.

So – I was curious as to where handshakes originated from – I looked it up. Here is the most common explanation:

There are 3 steps within the handshake:

1. The extension of the hand to the other
   
2. The grabbing of the hand
   
3. The shaking of hands

And – lo and behold – each of these steps originated from a point of fear and distrust:

1. The extension of the hand to the other:

Extending your open hand to the person across from you – usually the right hand – was a sign that you weren’t carrying a weapon. Weapons were usually held in the right hand, therefore one would extend the right hand in front of self, so that the person across can see that you’re not carrying a weapon.

2. The grabbing of the hand:

The grabbing of the hand was done to ensure that – if any small weapons had been hidden, one would be able to feel them. Either one would grab the wrist instead of the hand, to feel if there was something hidden underneath the sleeve – or one would grab the hand with the right hand and with the left hand pat down the arm. Any hidden weapons or objects would be felt and revealed.

3. The shaking of hands:

To absolutely make sure that there are no surprises – one would shake hands – any objects or weapons that had been missed in the previous step, would fall out of the sleeve.
Such customs reveal the reality that: everything that we perceive as ‘positive’ actually has its origins within that which we deem as ‘negative’. One can verify this for each and every single point within reality that self sees as ‘good’ or ‘positive’ – it all originates within deception.

To train yourself in seeing through the veil of perception – Join Desteni ‘I’ Process: www.desteniiprocess.com Learn more »

In het Desteni materiaal wordt uitgelegd hoe ‘liefde’ een ‘verbinder’ is – ‘liefde’, vanuit het standpunt van het geestesbewustzijn, is datgene wat relaties creeert en vastlegt.

Dus, het is interessant, dat in het Nederlands we de uitspraak ‘ik hou van jou’ hebben om je ‘liefde’ uit te drukken. Als je in het achterhoofd houdt dat ‘liefde’ een verbinder is, dan wordt het duidelijk dat wat je eigenlijk zegt is: ‘ik hou mij vast aan jou’. Deze uitspraak toont duidelijk aan hoe ‘liefde’ niets te maken heeft met hoeveel je om iemand geeft, maar alles te maken heeft met ‘zekerheid’, ‘veiligheid’, ‘verbinding’: ik heb jou en ik laat je niet los!

Best wel eng als je’t mij vraagt. Learn more »

When starting an agreement with someone, understand that it is important to specify what it is that your agreement consists of – meaning: the term ‘agreement’ stems from the fact that two beings are agreeing on something. So, when you enter an agreement with someone, specify, out-loud or on paper what it is that you are both agreeing on – and obviously make sure that both are clear on the points and that both agree!

To simply say ‘we are in an agreement’ without having actually explicitly agreed on anything, leaves a gaping door open to fall into relationship-patterns.

Remember that relationships are actually also agreements. Though, the agreement that exists between two beings in a relationship is a ‘silent’/’hidden’ agreement – whereby both partners agree to support each others’ dishonesties, to accept any crap of each other in the name of the relationship, to try and make each other ‘feel good’ and that if someone doesn’t ‘feel good’ in the relationship, the relationship ends, and so on and so forth.

Why do I say that if you don’t specify what you agree on when entering an agreement, you're opening a door to fall into relationship-patterns? Because we’ve never done agreements before. All we’ve ever known, all we’ve ever participated in, is relationships. This practically means that when you enter an agreement – you have no idea what’s waiting for you, you have no idea what’s going to happen, how you will be, how the other will be, what your experience within it will be, what you will discover, etc. Now, when we face a point of the ‘unknown’, what the mind does, is take information from the past and use that as a basis from which to act. And because – from the mind’s perspective – relationships are the closes thing you can find to agreements, you’ll use your experience of relationships as a guideline to act within your agreement – whether on a conscious, subconscious or unconscious level.

Therefore – when you enter an agreement, make sure that you script your own guideline to fall back on. That is what ‘the agreement’ is – it is a principle you both agree to stand by and commit yourself to – and within that, it is your guideline that you will fall back on, in moments where you experience doubts in relation to what to do, how to be, how to assist the other being, what to express, etc. So that, instead of ‘grabbing back’ to past relationship experiences to ‘tell you what to do’ – you’ll be able to assess the situation you’re in and see how you’re able to apply your agreement within this particular situation.

Now – understand that your verbal agreement is your guideline and it will assist you within sticking to the principles, instead of following past relationship-patterns. However, it is not a guarantee. I’d say: I would be surprised if anyone enters an agreement and never falls into relationship patterns. Why? Because that is one of the major points you face in agreements: your relationship-patterns – they WILL come up. They actually have to – otherwise, how are you going to face them?

Therefore, don’t try and ‘fight’ that point as in trying to prevent it from happening, having you become all ‘stiffened up’ inside because of fear of making a mistake and ‘fucking things up’ and ‘being dishonest’. You probably will at some point say: Fuck! what are we doing? We’ve manifested a relationship here, we’ve created relationship connections and definitions where we’ve defined parts of ourselves within each other and we’re playing out past relationship patterns!

When that happens – breathe – then remember your agreement, your explicit, verbal agreement and see how you’re able to apply it within this particular situation.

See – when I came at this point: I freaked. I realised I had manifested a relationship and I decided to therefore end the agreement. Because – from my perspective it was not an agreement anymore, it was a relationship – therefore it was not valid, therefore it had to end.

So – I went through the break-up/withdrawal experience and did my self-forgiveness. All this time, LJ – my agreement-partner – kept doing what he’d always do: he’d check on me, we’d talk, he gave suggestions, etc. So – after a while, once I had cleared myself of the emotional turmoil and the relationship-connection, I looked at the situation again, and I saw that – in terms of how we were participating with each other, it was the same as before I had created the whole relationship-connection. So – I then realised that I hadn’t ended the agreement, I had ended the relationship. Because – in terms of what we had agreed upon, we were both still committed to the same points and LJ had throughout this experience, applied exactly what he had agreed to do when we entered the agreement.

So – when you realise that you’ve manifested a relationship or that you’re playing out relationship-patterns – stop, breathe – don’t assume that you now have to ‘break-up’ and ‘end the agreement’. (‘End the agreement’ – interesting, I’ll get to that later.) Instead – when you see you've manifested a relationship construct – face it. Do your forgiveness, discuss everything with each other in specificity, clear yourself of the construct, apply the corrections and walk from there.

To ‘end the agreement’, in essence, is impossible. If your agreement was made from the starting point of self-honesty within both partners – then that agreement stands, no matter what. It is done. So – when you’ve for a moment ‘lost yourself’ within a point of self-dishonesty and separation – remind yourself of your initial agreement – because that is your point of self-honesty. Therefore, it is the key to ‘bringing yourself back’ to that point of self-honesty within yourself.

If you come to a point within your agreement where you end up actually splitting up and ‘ending the agreement’ – then that means that your initial, explicit agreement – from at least one of the partners – was not self-honest. If an agreement ends, it was a deception from the start.

So – that’s why I suggest that when you enter an agreement, you take a moment to verbally speak out or write out what it is that you’re agreeing on, that you make sure both parties are clear on all points and that you’re both self-honest within the starting point of entering the agreement. If those points are applied, then everything else… – well, I wouldn’t say that things get ‘easier’ – you still have to face yourself – though, within the midst of the storm, you’ll have an anchor that’ll keep you from drifting off too far. Learn more »

An animal that often symbolises freedom, is a bird. In Dutch, we have the expression 'vrij als een vogel', which means: 'as free as a bird'. The type of freedom we're referring to is 'boundlessness', 'free in expression', 'no conditioning', 'no worries' – that's what people see when they stand still for a moment as they see a bird soaring in the sky, as they imagine what it would be like to be able to fly like a bird. That's the type of 'freedom' that human beings associate to birds.

Now – in the house I live in, I've had quite a bit of experience with birds. We've had a flycatcher, two hens, one rooster, a duck and now 3 parrots living with us in our house – all of them birds, though different 'kinds' of birds. Let me share with you the following: birds are the most demanding, self-centred, arrogant and inconsiderate animals that I've had experience with so far. I'm not judging the birds here, it's simply what I've observed in their behaviours – it's literally how they act and interact with others. The entire world revolves around them. They get to do what they want and you just have to make peace with it. For instance: if a parrot wants attention and you're not giving it to him, he'll make so much noise he'll drive you crazy – until you stop what you're doing and give him attention. Our hens continuously climb on top of our furniture, although we've told them in every way possible that that's not cool because they're going to break things and can get themselves badly hurt. But it's what they want to do, so they just keep doing it. The duck cares only about herself and her cage. No-one is allowed to come near her cage – it's her cage and hers alone – it's her property: 'get off my property or I'll kill you!'

Interestingly, that is exactly how human beings currently live the word 'freedom' in their lives. Because – 'I have freedom of speech' – 'I have freedom of choice' – 'I am entitled to do as I please'. That's the type of freedom that human beings hold on to and protect as though it is their right to only consider themselves and say 'fuck you' to anyone else. That type of freedom is ridiculous, it is impossible, it is self-defeating – because you simply can't live together if everyone gets to do as they please, if everyone gets to have their free choice. Because: if one person wants to use the bathroom, then according to this definition of freedom, it's his right to do so and that's how it will be. But what if someone else also wants to use the bathroom and there is only one bathroom and both are now entitled to use the bathroom since that's what they choose to do and if both choose to not share the bathroom and both choose to not wait until the other one is finished: then you have a problem. Now there's a fight over who gets to use the bathroom – and in some way or another – the 'strongest one' will 'win'.

That's the 'freedom' we cherish so deeply – that's how stupid we are.

Anyone who looks at a bird and thinks 'wow, I wish I were that free!' – Spend some time with a bird and see what a bird is really like, see that birds are not free – at all. Birds are as limited as human beings within the definition of 'freedom' as 'I get to do as I please'. Because – have a look – within that definition of freedom: you're only considering yourself – you alone exists – that's all that matters. That's so fucking limited – that's so fucking small! And you know what – it always goes at the expense of someone else. That type of personal freedom you're defending – it always ends up with someone else being enslaved to your demands, your wishes, your whims. And have a look at this world and how human beings interact with each other: that's exactly what's playing out.

REAL freedom, that freedom that you long for when you see a bird soaring in the sky – that type of freedom doesn't exist yet. That type of freedom has yet to be created, because that type of freedom – REAL freedom – requires us to consider everyone equally. I've shown you above: without consideration for everyone equally, some will be enslaved for the 'freedom' of others.

The freedom as 'boundlessness', 'freedom in expression', 'no conditioning', 'no worries' that we associate to birds – that freedom will only exist and be experienced if all act according to what's best for all – and if all work together towards manifesting that which is best for all.

That is why I suggest:

Join Desteni 'I' Process (www.desteniiprocess.com).

Support a new Equal Money System (www.equalmoney.org).

Why?

Because within the Desteni 'I' Process, you slowly but surely learn how to consider all equal and one and how to align yourself according to what's best for all – and because an Equal Money System is required as a foundation for humanity to start living as equals whereby each one has equal power and equal responsibility. It's simple: From Desteni 'I' Process to Equal Money – to REAL freedom for all.

Or – we can just pretend to be free and live like birds do currently – trying to enforce our authority and superiority through manipulation and force. We can continue doing this until everything worth living for has been destroyed, because we simply weren't willing to consider what's best for all – until we are alone with ourselves and realise: 'fuck – what have we done?'

A REAL solution requires REAL action and REAL change.

So – which will it be? Learn more »

Comfort as how it is lived and experienced in this world is as a 'hiding' from pain. Comfort always occurs After something unpleasant has happened to you and then someone comes to comfort you. Comfort – Come into my fort – Come here, I will comfort you, I will create an apparent fort around you, where you can pretend that you are safe and secure from whatever it is you're hiding from. In that, you can suppress your experience so that it feels like it is now 'gone'.
This definition and application of the word 'comfort' is quite problematic – as all that happens is a suppression of what you are experiencing. And – in a way this is obvious, because – most of the time – what you are actually trying to hide and run away from, is yourself, your own inner experiences. No fort is going to keep you safe from yourself… so all that you 'can' do – apparently – is to suppress your inner emotions so that they are gone and you are now 'safe'.

In those moments, where you seek comfort from someone – what is usually the experience? It is an experience of inner turmoil and it is like this inner turmoil has 'taken over' inside yourself. And all you can do is just be that turmoil and cry as the turmoil and worry with the turmoil and think about the turmoil and it is like a storm that doesn't stop and the only way you know for the storm to stop is to have someone else step in and comfort you.

In that storm, in that inner turmoil – it is like you have lost yourself.

So – what is the alternative? How can you stop the storm without having someone comfort you and suppressing the entire experience? Because – common sense – if the experience is suppressed, it means it is not gone at all – it is merely suppressed. You don't feel it anymore, but it's still there, lurking in the depths and the shadows of yourself. And with any next opportunity, when you are off-guard, it will just come storming back in, taking you over, all over again.

The alternative is for you to – from within the storm – stand up. This is done through applying self-forgiveness, breathing and self-corrective statements. As you apply these tools, you will see that the storm clears – and you come forth. When self comes forth – that must be… self-comfort.

Instead of being comforted by someone saying 'come into my fort' where you can try to hide from the storm inside yourself – you comfort yourself; allowing yourself to Come Forth through applying the tools of breathing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

This new perspective on the word 'comfort' is also applicable in relation to the words 'comfortable' and 'comfortability'. Because – when you say that you are comfortable in the presence of a particular being, do you not mean that you are able to be yourself? That you feel that you are able to share things with this person that you would not normally share? So – you are comfort-able – able to come forth as who you are. Eventually, you want to be able to be here as who you are no matter what – though, initially, you will find that you feel comfortable only around certain beings.

In terms of an agreement partner – that comfortability is what you are looking for – someone where you are able to come forth – where you feel like you can share things that you would not normally share, where there is no pressure to be anything else than just you. This point of comfortability is signalling to you that there is potential for an agreement here.

If you find an agreement partner and both of you have decided to walk together – you will find moments where you are no longer comfortable, where you want to hide from the other, where you want to run away from the person, where you want to 'appear better' to the person, etc. This does not mean that your agreement is now invalid and that you have to break up. It simply means that you're facing a particular point. Then, it is to push yourself to communicate with the other being, push yourself back to that point of comfort. Stand up – come forth.

If you keep on applying this point, if you keep on pushing for that point of self-comfortability within agreement – you will see that it becomes much easier for you to be comfortable around other beings as well. What are agreements, but a training ground in realising your equality and oneness to and as other beings?

So – remember that it is not because you are comfortable in the presence of a particular being, that this comfortability will remain unchanged if you decide to walk an agreement together. Your comfortability is a starting-point. As you walk together and go through all kinds of experiences that are being triggered and you suddenly realise that you're not at all comfortable with your agreement partner anymore – that's when you want to go back to your starting-point. Because if you continue as you are, where you are in each other's presence, but not actually present as you with the other – you'll each move into separate directions, individually and communication will become more and more problematic.

So – go back to your starting-point, meaning: push for that point of open communication. Share what it is that you're experiencing, despite feeling uncomfortable about it. And as you talk with each other, and openly share what each one has been experiencing, you're placing yourself back as the starting-point of comfortability. This means that you're both present again, here, together – and able to direct the particular point that caused you to become uncomfortable around each other in the first place. Learn more »

Today I walked through a series of events where actual and possible animal-attacks kept on following each-other.

Okay – let me first explain to you the lay-out of the farm in terms of who lives where, as the housing area of the farm is divided into two parts.


You have the front part of the farm, which includes the gate where you enter, the 'main house', the pool, the car-port, the 4 wooden rooms on the one side, with 'the music studio' (Cerise and Fidelis's house) behind that and the other two wooden rooms on the other side of the main house.



The second part consists of 'the second house' (Rozelle, Andrea and Robert) and the new building at the back, which is where I, LJ, Gian and Leila live.
 
The two parts of the farm are separated by a fence and the music studio. The reason for the split is because some animals require a 'safe refuge' from the pack of dogs that sometimes chases after birds or cats. And also because Baru and the other big dogs don't do well together.
 
So, this afternoon – I go outside because Bumi (one of my and lj's new pups) was crying by a gate, and what has happened before is that the big dogs in the 'first/front part' of the farm saw her crying by a gate and they ran up to her barking an growling, because they still see our new pups as 'intruders on their terrain.' So – I go out and see Bumi by the gate, but the big dogs are all running around in front, not taking notice of her. As I look at the dogs, I suddenly see a Hadeda (http://www.sa-venues.com/wildlife/birds_hadeda_ibis.htm) flying up in the sky from in between the dogs and realise that's what the dogs are 'entertaining' themselves with. So, I yell at them to stop and at the same time I see Cerise and Fidelis running down to chase the dogs away from the bird. 
 
The hadeda wasn't closing her one wing, so Cerise, Fidelis and later LJ investigated where she got hurt. The damage wasn't too serious, so we took her in the house to take care of the wound and have her rest a bit. 
 

I used 'purple spray' to disinfect the wound after cleaning it, which is an anti-septic spray that we use specifically for animals. I had fetched the purple from the main house, so, after I was done, I go down to the main house to bring the purple spray back. As I leave, Bumi follows me to the gate and starts crying again. In the meantime, Sunette and Fidelis had started treating the dogs against maggots, because the hadeda (that they had been chasing) was covered in it. This treating of dogs is usually done in the garden behind the main house, from where all the dogs could easily notice Bumi's cry. (Bumi in picture on the right)
 
So – as I am walking down to the main house, I see the dogs go into 'alert mode' as they hear Bumi crying. Gracy had been the 'most ferocious' in the previous confrontations, so I try to grab her as she passes by me, but she pulls loose and goes straight for the gate. Even though Bumi now sees this pack of crazy dogs running at her, barking and growling, she still tries to get through the gate, instead of running away. So, I run and yell at the dogs and chase them away to make sure Bumi doesn't get hurt. Because, what happened before, as well, is that Bumi pushed her head through the gate and then got stuck – so if that'd happened while the dogs were trying to attack, she would've gotten hurt.
 
I take Bumi to the house and when I go back out into the garden, I see Timelines wants to come for a visit. Timeless lives in the 'first part' of the farm, but enjoys coming for visits to the 'second part' because she is friends with most of the dogs here. The problem is that she is often the one to start barking at Baru (who lives in the second part), which can lead to a fight. So, if Timeless comes for a visit in the back, we always make sure that Baru either isn't in the garden, or we take her immediately into the house to prevent a confrontation between the two dogs.
 
So, I bring her up to the house and she says hi to all the dogs here. Then, suddenly, I see Leila and Gian's parrot walking out of their room, into the kitchen-area. Usually, either the parrot is locked up in his cage when their door is open, or is free to move around in the room, but then the door is closed – or Leila or Gian are with the parrot in the kitchen or lounge area to make sure no accidents happen.
 
But this time, I was alone with the dogs in the house and there comes the parrot walking out of Leila and Gian's room. Timeless and the parrot haven't spent much time together – so it's possible that Timeless will attack the parrot – or that the parrot attacks Timeless, because, yes, birds are very territorial as well.
 
So – I go 'oh crap!' and try to get Timeless' attention so she doesn't notice the parrot and try to get her out of the house as quickly as I can. As I open the door of the house, Timeless hears something in the 'first part' of the farm and runs straight down to the second house. Usually Timeless always stays by us when we bring her back to the 'first part' of the farm through a gate close-by our house, to avoid coming near the entrance of the second house, where Baru likes to hang out. But, as I said, this time she ran straight down to the second house because she heard something going on there. Gian, who was also out in the garden, and I try to call Timeless back, but she doesn't want to come back. As I go down to the second house, I see that luckily Rozelle was there and she was holding Baru back with a chair. Esteni was already on her way to Timeless back into the first part of the house. 
 
I was pretty shaken up with how these events had followed each-other so closely, each time having to intervene asap to make sure no-one gets hurt. First the dogs and the hadeda, then the dogs and Bumi, then Timeless and the parrot and then Timeless and Baru!
 
Living together with animals is always seen as something 'idyllic' – as though, because you live with a lot of animals in the same place, everyone lives in peace with one another all the time. Yes, there are moments where different animals are able to live with each other, enjoying each other's presence – but, just as with humans, there is also conflict. And the more animals live together in one area, the more conflict there is – just as with humans. If it hadn't been for all the fences and gates and Bernard being the 'alpha dog' – we wouldn't have been able to live with so many animals on one farm.
 
Even just in our house, we spend a lot of time on 'animal-management' as we live with a parrot, a duck, two hens and 6 dogs. There used to be 3 chickens: the two hens and one rooster – but we had to find another solution for the rooster, because, as his 'roosterness' developped, he became more and more aggressive towards Chimera (small dog) and started attacking her, pecking at/pulling on her eye-lids. We had just set up a new chick's house in the back of the garden, so we decided to place Tweeter (the rooster) in with the chicks. 
 
That was quite a tough decision and experience, because Tweeter had been with Lj and myself from the day he was born. His mother wasn't taking care of him to be able to take care of his sisters who were a bit older and already able to walk. So, we took Tweeter in and trained him to be able to live with humans and dogs. He even learned how to bark! When the dogs were barking, he'd blare out this horrible sound, which was his bark, lol. 
 
So far the hens haven't caused any problems, nor do the dogs have issues with them – so we will see how this develops. At the moment, the hens actually seem more relaxed with Tweeter being gone. We also haven't yet gotten to the state where the hens are laying eggs, they're still too young. So that will be another point that will require consideration and direction. The 'shitting-problem' was solved through making diapers for the chickens. It's like a harness that I sewed up, that's got a pouch where we place in paper towel. And every few hours, we change their diapers, meaning: throw out the old paper towel and place in fresh one. We cannot let them live in the garden, because of Baru, and because they might escape through the fences. And we tried to train them to shit on newspaper, but it just wouldn't take. So, now they have to wear diapers.
 
When things 'go well' where various animals and humans are able to live together, it's not because of everyone just 'liking each other' and simply 'getting along'. It requires planning, consideration, training, management, awareness, attention and… trial and error. It's not something that 'just is' or 'just happens', it is a 'work in progress'. And sometimes you can want to make it work as much as you can, but you have to consider practicality. Like we had to do for Tweeter. We wouldn't practically be able to 'get Tweeter to a point' where he would be able to 'peacefully' co-exist with the other animals in the house. Because his programming as a rooster of dominating those 'under him' is so ingrained as himself, that it'll require a lot more time than we practically have available, to get him to that stable point of being able to co-exist with others without trying to dominate them and cause shit. So, we re-homed him. He currently seems to be quite satisfied as being the rooster in the midst of hens and chicks. We 'hope' he'll also share with them his story and experience of living with us, so that, in turn, he can assist the other chickens. 
 
So, here just sharing my experience of today as well as some observations within working and living with the animals on the farm, which is where I am currently exploring and enjoying myself a lot!
 
Thank you for reading. 



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Last night I had a conversation with LJ about the mother matrix system.

We have at the moment Boeboe, Chimera (3 month old puppy) and Tweety (about 3 week old chick) living with us in our room.

With having to take care of babies, my mother matrix system issues have been coming up a lot lately.

The point that I have been experiencing consciously is the point of feeling completely overwhelmed. First, when Chimera came it was quite an adaptation, because we had to 're-schedule'/'re-organize' everything we did because now there was a baby that needed constant care. Since Leslie-John is a guy and mostly works outside assisting with maintaining the Farm, this meant that I had to stay in the room most of the time. Just that fact of having to stay inside and not being able to just leave whenever I want, I found sooo ... what's the word? constraining. I felt stuck and constrained. I kept on hoping she would grow up fast so that she can go outside playing by herself without needing constant supervision.

Also, we had to make sure that Boeboe would get equal treatment and got the same amount of attention and so on, make sure we don't neglect him. Usually Boeboe would go outside all day, play with the workers and stuff, but since Chimera came, he's been wanting to stay with us in the room - which just makes things more 'demanding' because instead of having to look after 1 dog, we had to look after 2. Boeboe also doesn't like puppies while Chimera was fond of Boeboe. So, she wanted to play with him and he wanted her to fuck off. So we had to watch them mostly, to make sure she wouldn't get hurt and to push Boeboe to get over his crap. (Now Boeboe and Chimera love playing with each other.)

Then, when everything started to settle and Chimera didn't need my supervision all the time (although I would still be mostly in the room with her) - we took in a chick. Now - a chick is constantly, continuously tweeting, non-stop. Just that fact made me go crazy the first few days. Also because a young chick needs warmth and so we would hold it on us and then he/she (we can't really tell the gender when they're young) would climb on my shoulder - next to my ear! And there it would be tweeting all day long. He/she'd only sleep for like 5 seconds at a time and even when falling asleep he/she kept on tweeting.

Of course with there being a new baby getting so much attention, Chimera and Boeboe wanted to get the same amount of attention. At some point I was sitting with Boeboe and Chimera on my lap and Tweety on my shoulder, trying not to move (because when I move Tweety tweets louder) and at the same time do my daily work on the computer. It was horrible!

The one day LJ was gone all day, I think he went to town or something - I was left alone all day to handle and take care of the little ones - by the time he came back I just burst into tears and told him he could never again leave me alone with them for so long. LJ just kept on laughing at my state - and eventually I was laughing with him.

Because of becoming so tired of having to constantly, continuously be there for them, I would get impatient with them whenever they don't listen. With simple things - and especially Chimera, for instance when I ask her to come so we can go back to the room or somewhere else, and she looks at me and deliberately runs in the opposite direction. Because of feeling helpless I'd sometimes fall into using anger as a way to manipulate her into 'obeying'. But even that didn't work.

I felt myself being pushed to that point where I either breathe and let go or become a complete controlling, angry monster like most parents are in this world. The fact that I've been in process investigating my childhood experience and how parents play such an important role in how you design yourself, how you develop yourself in your life and your world - pushed me to breathe - because I have experienced the consequences of angry, controlling parents and I don't wish that for anyone. And I know you might think now that 'because I say I want to do it different, I will become my parents' as explained within Desteni video-interviews. I disagree - because I understand and have practiced the tools with which I am actually able to step out of the cycle, which are breathing, self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective action. To say you want to make a difference without knowing how to make a difference will obviously have you keep on doing the exact same things.

Anyways, I started my post with "Last night I had a conversation with LJ about the mother matrix system." and I haven't written about that point yet. I have so far only explained my conscious experience of being in a mother-position - only that which I was aware of.

What we discussed last night was the point of fighting/pushing away the mother matrix system.

When I arrived on the farm about 2 years ago, I was the complete manifestation of the mother matrix system.

In seeing the extent in which this system had been directing me and influencing my life - I developed a fear of it. And whenever I was 'faced with' babies (animal or human) I'd try to push the system away, in expectation of it taking over.

So, the point me and LJ discussed last night is that I am still trying to fight off and push away the mother matrix system. He suggested that the system is me and that I can utilize the system in a way that is best for all, without the control and the manipulation and the worrying and so on. And I hadn't really looked at it that way.

He gave the example of Timeless. She is a Swiss Shepherd - so we figured that her breed was somewhere along the way trained and programmed to be herding dogs. So - if it is in her breed, it must be in Timeless as well. We assisted Timeless in utilizing this herding system, without her having to become/without being overcome by that system. Yesterday she actually 'rescued' a little duckling. It got lost in the back camp while the mother was in a cage in the stable's camp. Timeless carried her (with her mouth) by the neck back into the stable's camp. When LJ saw her with the duckling in her mouth he first thought she'd killed him, but then she dropped him off in front of LJ's feet and the duckling walked off :).

After our discussion, I had Tweety on my shoulder and she crawled behind my head for more warmth. But he/she kept on tweeting, like he/she was restless. Then I tried out what LJ suggested, to utilize the mother matrix system - I, within myself, envelopped him/her with softness/warmth, whatever you want to call it, like an imaginary blanket. And immediately Tweety became silent and fell asleep.

That was quite an amazing experience because of the immediate feedback as Tweety fell asleep. I also felt a big sense of relief - because I saw that I didn't have to fight the system, I could stop being afraid. And I realized that I had been wanting to do that, holding them like that within myself, for quite a while, but I denied myself the experience because of fear of the mother matrix system, fear of being dishonest, fear of being overcome/taken over.

On the 10th of December we have two more pups joining us - let's see how it goes :). Learn more »