Today I walked through a series of events where actual and possible animal-attacks kept on following each-other.

Okay – let me first explain to you the lay-out of the farm in terms of who lives where, as the housing area of the farm is divided into two parts.


You have the front part of the farm, which includes the gate where you enter, the 'main house', the pool, the car-port, the 4 wooden rooms on the one side, with 'the music studio' (Cerise and Fidelis's house) behind that and the other two wooden rooms on the other side of the main house.



The second part consists of 'the second house' (Rozelle, Andrea and Robert) and the new building at the back, which is where I, LJ, Gian and Leila live.
 
The two parts of the farm are separated by a fence and the music studio. The reason for the split is because some animals require a 'safe refuge' from the pack of dogs that sometimes chases after birds or cats. And also because Baru and the other big dogs don't do well together.
 
So, this afternoon – I go outside because Bumi (one of my and lj's new pups) was crying by a gate, and what has happened before is that the big dogs in the 'first/front part' of the farm saw her crying by a gate and they ran up to her barking an growling, because they still see our new pups as 'intruders on their terrain.' So – I go out and see Bumi by the gate, but the big dogs are all running around in front, not taking notice of her. As I look at the dogs, I suddenly see a Hadeda (http://www.sa-venues.com/wildlife/birds_hadeda_ibis.htm) flying up in the sky from in between the dogs and realise that's what the dogs are 'entertaining' themselves with. So, I yell at them to stop and at the same time I see Cerise and Fidelis running down to chase the dogs away from the bird. 
 
The hadeda wasn't closing her one wing, so Cerise, Fidelis and later LJ investigated where she got hurt. The damage wasn't too serious, so we took her in the house to take care of the wound and have her rest a bit. 
 

I used 'purple spray' to disinfect the wound after cleaning it, which is an anti-septic spray that we use specifically for animals. I had fetched the purple from the main house, so, after I was done, I go down to the main house to bring the purple spray back. As I leave, Bumi follows me to the gate and starts crying again. In the meantime, Sunette and Fidelis had started treating the dogs against maggots, because the hadeda (that they had been chasing) was covered in it. This treating of dogs is usually done in the garden behind the main house, from where all the dogs could easily notice Bumi's cry. (Bumi in picture on the right)
 
So – as I am walking down to the main house, I see the dogs go into 'alert mode' as they hear Bumi crying. Gracy had been the 'most ferocious' in the previous confrontations, so I try to grab her as she passes by me, but she pulls loose and goes straight for the gate. Even though Bumi now sees this pack of crazy dogs running at her, barking and growling, she still tries to get through the gate, instead of running away. So, I run and yell at the dogs and chase them away to make sure Bumi doesn't get hurt. Because, what happened before, as well, is that Bumi pushed her head through the gate and then got stuck – so if that'd happened while the dogs were trying to attack, she would've gotten hurt.
 
I take Bumi to the house and when I go back out into the garden, I see Timelines wants to come for a visit. Timeless lives in the 'first part' of the farm, but enjoys coming for visits to the 'second part' because she is friends with most of the dogs here. The problem is that she is often the one to start barking at Baru (who lives in the second part), which can lead to a fight. So, if Timeless comes for a visit in the back, we always make sure that Baru either isn't in the garden, or we take her immediately into the house to prevent a confrontation between the two dogs.
 
So, I bring her up to the house and she says hi to all the dogs here. Then, suddenly, I see Leila and Gian's parrot walking out of their room, into the kitchen-area. Usually, either the parrot is locked up in his cage when their door is open, or is free to move around in the room, but then the door is closed – or Leila or Gian are with the parrot in the kitchen or lounge area to make sure no accidents happen.
 
But this time, I was alone with the dogs in the house and there comes the parrot walking out of Leila and Gian's room. Timeless and the parrot haven't spent much time together – so it's possible that Timeless will attack the parrot – or that the parrot attacks Timeless, because, yes, birds are very territorial as well.
 
So – I go 'oh crap!' and try to get Timeless' attention so she doesn't notice the parrot and try to get her out of the house as quickly as I can. As I open the door of the house, Timeless hears something in the 'first part' of the farm and runs straight down to the second house. Usually Timeless always stays by us when we bring her back to the 'first part' of the farm through a gate close-by our house, to avoid coming near the entrance of the second house, where Baru likes to hang out. But, as I said, this time she ran straight down to the second house because she heard something going on there. Gian, who was also out in the garden, and I try to call Timeless back, but she doesn't want to come back. As I go down to the second house, I see that luckily Rozelle was there and she was holding Baru back with a chair. Esteni was already on her way to Timeless back into the first part of the house. 
 
I was pretty shaken up with how these events had followed each-other so closely, each time having to intervene asap to make sure no-one gets hurt. First the dogs and the hadeda, then the dogs and Bumi, then Timeless and the parrot and then Timeless and Baru!
 
Living together with animals is always seen as something 'idyllic' – as though, because you live with a lot of animals in the same place, everyone lives in peace with one another all the time. Yes, there are moments where different animals are able to live with each other, enjoying each other's presence – but, just as with humans, there is also conflict. And the more animals live together in one area, the more conflict there is – just as with humans. If it hadn't been for all the fences and gates and Bernard being the 'alpha dog' – we wouldn't have been able to live with so many animals on one farm.
 
Even just in our house, we spend a lot of time on 'animal-management' as we live with a parrot, a duck, two hens and 6 dogs. There used to be 3 chickens: the two hens and one rooster – but we had to find another solution for the rooster, because, as his 'roosterness' developped, he became more and more aggressive towards Chimera (small dog) and started attacking her, pecking at/pulling on her eye-lids. We had just set up a new chick's house in the back of the garden, so we decided to place Tweeter (the rooster) in with the chicks. 
 
That was quite a tough decision and experience, because Tweeter had been with Lj and myself from the day he was born. His mother wasn't taking care of him to be able to take care of his sisters who were a bit older and already able to walk. So, we took Tweeter in and trained him to be able to live with humans and dogs. He even learned how to bark! When the dogs were barking, he'd blare out this horrible sound, which was his bark, lol. 
 
So far the hens haven't caused any problems, nor do the dogs have issues with them – so we will see how this develops. At the moment, the hens actually seem more relaxed with Tweeter being gone. We also haven't yet gotten to the state where the hens are laying eggs, they're still too young. So that will be another point that will require consideration and direction. The 'shitting-problem' was solved through making diapers for the chickens. It's like a harness that I sewed up, that's got a pouch where we place in paper towel. And every few hours, we change their diapers, meaning: throw out the old paper towel and place in fresh one. We cannot let them live in the garden, because of Baru, and because they might escape through the fences. And we tried to train them to shit on newspaper, but it just wouldn't take. So, now they have to wear diapers.
 
When things 'go well' where various animals and humans are able to live together, it's not because of everyone just 'liking each other' and simply 'getting along'. It requires planning, consideration, training, management, awareness, attention and… trial and error. It's not something that 'just is' or 'just happens', it is a 'work in progress'. And sometimes you can want to make it work as much as you can, but you have to consider practicality. Like we had to do for Tweeter. We wouldn't practically be able to 'get Tweeter to a point' where he would be able to 'peacefully' co-exist with the other animals in the house. Because his programming as a rooster of dominating those 'under him' is so ingrained as himself, that it'll require a lot more time than we practically have available, to get him to that stable point of being able to co-exist with others without trying to dominate them and cause shit. So, we re-homed him. He currently seems to be quite satisfied as being the rooster in the midst of hens and chicks. We 'hope' he'll also share with them his story and experience of living with us, so that, in turn, he can assist the other chickens. 
 
So, here just sharing my experience of today as well as some observations within working and living with the animals on the farm, which is where I am currently exploring and enjoying myself a lot!
 
Thank you for reading. 



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Last night I had a conversation with LJ about the mother matrix system.

We have at the moment Boeboe, Chimera (3 month old puppy) and Tweety (about 3 week old chick) living with us in our room.

With having to take care of babies, my mother matrix system issues have been coming up a lot lately.

The point that I have been experiencing consciously is the point of feeling completely overwhelmed. First, when Chimera came it was quite an adaptation, because we had to 're-schedule'/'re-organize' everything we did because now there was a baby that needed constant care. Since Leslie-John is a guy and mostly works outside assisting with maintaining the Farm, this meant that I had to stay in the room most of the time. Just that fact of having to stay inside and not being able to just leave whenever I want, I found sooo ... what's the word? constraining. I felt stuck and constrained. I kept on hoping she would grow up fast so that she can go outside playing by herself without needing constant supervision.

Also, we had to make sure that Boeboe would get equal treatment and got the same amount of attention and so on, make sure we don't neglect him. Usually Boeboe would go outside all day, play with the workers and stuff, but since Chimera came, he's been wanting to stay with us in the room - which just makes things more 'demanding' because instead of having to look after 1 dog, we had to look after 2. Boeboe also doesn't like puppies while Chimera was fond of Boeboe. So, she wanted to play with him and he wanted her to fuck off. So we had to watch them mostly, to make sure she wouldn't get hurt and to push Boeboe to get over his crap. (Now Boeboe and Chimera love playing with each other.)

Then, when everything started to settle and Chimera didn't need my supervision all the time (although I would still be mostly in the room with her) - we took in a chick. Now - a chick is constantly, continuously tweeting, non-stop. Just that fact made me go crazy the first few days. Also because a young chick needs warmth and so we would hold it on us and then he/she (we can't really tell the gender when they're young) would climb on my shoulder - next to my ear! And there it would be tweeting all day long. He/she'd only sleep for like 5 seconds at a time and even when falling asleep he/she kept on tweeting.

Of course with there being a new baby getting so much attention, Chimera and Boeboe wanted to get the same amount of attention. At some point I was sitting with Boeboe and Chimera on my lap and Tweety on my shoulder, trying not to move (because when I move Tweety tweets louder) and at the same time do my daily work on the computer. It was horrible!

The one day LJ was gone all day, I think he went to town or something - I was left alone all day to handle and take care of the little ones - by the time he came back I just burst into tears and told him he could never again leave me alone with them for so long. LJ just kept on laughing at my state - and eventually I was laughing with him.

Because of becoming so tired of having to constantly, continuously be there for them, I would get impatient with them whenever they don't listen. With simple things - and especially Chimera, for instance when I ask her to come so we can go back to the room or somewhere else, and she looks at me and deliberately runs in the opposite direction. Because of feeling helpless I'd sometimes fall into using anger as a way to manipulate her into 'obeying'. But even that didn't work.

I felt myself being pushed to that point where I either breathe and let go or become a complete controlling, angry monster like most parents are in this world. The fact that I've been in process investigating my childhood experience and how parents play such an important role in how you design yourself, how you develop yourself in your life and your world - pushed me to breathe - because I have experienced the consequences of angry, controlling parents and I don't wish that for anyone. And I know you might think now that 'because I say I want to do it different, I will become my parents' as explained within Desteni video-interviews. I disagree - because I understand and have practiced the tools with which I am actually able to step out of the cycle, which are breathing, self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective action. To say you want to make a difference without knowing how to make a difference will obviously have you keep on doing the exact same things.

Anyways, I started my post with "Last night I had a conversation with LJ about the mother matrix system." and I haven't written about that point yet. I have so far only explained my conscious experience of being in a mother-position - only that which I was aware of.

What we discussed last night was the point of fighting/pushing away the mother matrix system.

When I arrived on the farm about 2 years ago, I was the complete manifestation of the mother matrix system.

In seeing the extent in which this system had been directing me and influencing my life - I developed a fear of it. And whenever I was 'faced with' babies (animal or human) I'd try to push the system away, in expectation of it taking over.

So, the point me and LJ discussed last night is that I am still trying to fight off and push away the mother matrix system. He suggested that the system is me and that I can utilize the system in a way that is best for all, without the control and the manipulation and the worrying and so on. And I hadn't really looked at it that way.

He gave the example of Timeless. She is a Swiss Shepherd - so we figured that her breed was somewhere along the way trained and programmed to be herding dogs. So - if it is in her breed, it must be in Timeless as well. We assisted Timeless in utilizing this herding system, without her having to become/without being overcome by that system. Yesterday she actually 'rescued' a little duckling. It got lost in the back camp while the mother was in a cage in the stable's camp. Timeless carried her (with her mouth) by the neck back into the stable's camp. When LJ saw her with the duckling in her mouth he first thought she'd killed him, but then she dropped him off in front of LJ's feet and the duckling walked off :).

After our discussion, I had Tweety on my shoulder and she crawled behind my head for more warmth. But he/she kept on tweeting, like he/she was restless. Then I tried out what LJ suggested, to utilize the mother matrix system - I, within myself, envelopped him/her with softness/warmth, whatever you want to call it, like an imaginary blanket. And immediately Tweety became silent and fell asleep.

That was quite an amazing experience because of the immediate feedback as Tweety fell asleep. I also felt a big sense of relief - because I saw that I didn't have to fight the system, I could stop being afraid. And I realized that I had been wanting to do that, holding them like that within myself, for quite a while, but I denied myself the experience because of fear of the mother matrix system, fear of being dishonest, fear of being overcome/taken over.

On the 10th of December we have two more pups joining us - let's see how it goes :). Learn more »