The Interview 'When Life Turns its Back on You' was quite eye-opening for me. I realised how much we take our parents for granted. As a child, we just think it's normal that another human being is at your disposal all the time - there to take care of you, look after you and giving you direction in your day or in your life. Even as we grow older and start to gain some understanding of and experience with responsibility, we don't often stop to consider the kind of commitments our parents made within their decision to have children - where, they decide and commit to placing a child at the centre of their universe and start living their lives in service of the child.

And sure, I know - we didn't ask to be born and it's not our problem if our parents decided to give up their personal lives to take care of us - it was THEIR decision and even the reasons for having children may have been twisted and contain some kind of hidden agendas as expecting that the child may for instance 'fix' their lives or or their marriage. But still - I can't even conceive of such a dedication and such a commitment.

And then when we grow up and become adults we just want to go and live our own lives and in some cases distance ourselves from our 'old folks' - like they are a burden and are something to discretely and slowly be disposed of. Don't get me wrong - I don't think or feel that we are indebted to our parents and therefore now should give up our lives to take care of them. Though, listening to this interview showed me that I had never really considered who my parents are as a being and what they go through and have gone through in being a parent. I only ever considered my side as the 'child' and my own experience towards them - without ever placing myself in my parents' shoes - which would've probably changed my whole experience and relationship with them while growing up.

So - if you have this experience towards your parents of them being a burden and kind of wanting to distance yourself from them - or if you're considering to become a parent and would like to have an idea of what you're in for: I'd definitely suggest you listen to this interview. It may change your whole experience - whether as a parent or as a daughter/son in relation to your parents.

If each one - parent or child - would always take full and complete responsibility for themselves and not expect the parent or child to fulfill them - then parent-child relationships could actually stand within oneness and equality, respect and consideration. Where the point of giving and receiving care becomes mutual and unconditional and not because of an experience of guilt or expectation...

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Comfort as how it is lived and experienced in this world is as a 'hiding' from pain. Comfort always occurs After something unpleasant has happened to you and then someone comes to comfort you. Comfort – Come into my fort – Come here, I will comfort you, I will create an apparent fort around you, where you can pretend that you are safe and secure from whatever it is you're hiding from. In that, you can suppress your experience so that it feels like it is now 'gone'.
This definition and application of the word 'comfort' is quite problematic – as all that happens is a suppression of what you are experiencing. And – in a way this is obvious, because – most of the time – what you are actually trying to hide and run away from, is yourself, your own inner experiences. No fort is going to keep you safe from yourself… so all that you 'can' do – apparently – is to suppress your inner emotions so that they are gone and you are now 'safe'.

In those moments, where you seek comfort from someone – what is usually the experience? It is an experience of inner turmoil and it is like this inner turmoil has 'taken over' inside yourself. And all you can do is just be that turmoil and cry as the turmoil and worry with the turmoil and think about the turmoil and it is like a storm that doesn't stop and the only way you know for the storm to stop is to have someone else step in and comfort you.

In that storm, in that inner turmoil – it is like you have lost yourself.

So – what is the alternative? How can you stop the storm without having someone comfort you and suppressing the entire experience? Because – common sense – if the experience is suppressed, it means it is not gone at all – it is merely suppressed. You don't feel it anymore, but it's still there, lurking in the depths and the shadows of yourself. And with any next opportunity, when you are off-guard, it will just come storming back in, taking you over, all over again.

The alternative is for you to – from within the storm – stand up. This is done through applying self-forgiveness, breathing and self-corrective statements. As you apply these tools, you will see that the storm clears – and you come forth. When self comes forth – that must be… self-comfort.

Instead of being comforted by someone saying 'come into my fort' where you can try to hide from the storm inside yourself – you comfort yourself; allowing yourself to Come Forth through applying the tools of breathing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

This new perspective on the word 'comfort' is also applicable in relation to the words 'comfortable' and 'comfortability'. Because – when you say that you are comfortable in the presence of a particular being, do you not mean that you are able to be yourself? That you feel that you are able to share things with this person that you would not normally share? So – you are comfort-able – able to come forth as who you are. Eventually, you want to be able to be here as who you are no matter what – though, initially, you will find that you feel comfortable only around certain beings.

In terms of an agreement partner – that comfortability is what you are looking for – someone where you are able to come forth – where you feel like you can share things that you would not normally share, where there is no pressure to be anything else than just you. This point of comfortability is signalling to you that there is potential for an agreement here.

If you find an agreement partner and both of you have decided to walk together – you will find moments where you are no longer comfortable, where you want to hide from the other, where you want to run away from the person, where you want to 'appear better' to the person, etc. This does not mean that your agreement is now invalid and that you have to break up. It simply means that you're facing a particular point. Then, it is to push yourself to communicate with the other being, push yourself back to that point of comfort. Stand up – come forth.

If you keep on applying this point, if you keep on pushing for that point of self-comfortability within agreement – you will see that it becomes much easier for you to be comfortable around other beings as well. What are agreements, but a training ground in realising your equality and oneness to and as other beings?

So – remember that it is not because you are comfortable in the presence of a particular being, that this comfortability will remain unchanged if you decide to walk an agreement together. Your comfortability is a starting-point. As you walk together and go through all kinds of experiences that are being triggered and you suddenly realise that you're not at all comfortable with your agreement partner anymore – that's when you want to go back to your starting-point. Because if you continue as you are, where you are in each other's presence, but not actually present as you with the other – you'll each move into separate directions, individually and communication will become more and more problematic.

So – go back to your starting-point, meaning: push for that point of open communication. Share what it is that you're experiencing, despite feeling uncomfortable about it. And as you talk with each other, and openly share what each one has been experiencing, you're placing yourself back as the starting-point of comfortability. This means that you're both present again, here, together – and able to direct the particular point that caused you to become uncomfortable around each other in the first place. Learn more »